# Idiotic Corporate Ethics Training **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2008, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213 "2008-10-09T19:18:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/21 "2008-10-10T19:52:25Z")
Most Corporate training programs are designed to meet two requirements; On the Corporate side: Fulfill some internal or legal requirement for a certain amount or type of training. As long as the company can certify that you have indeed had your annual Sexual Harassment, MultiCultural Sensitivity, Fire Safety, Indentured Servitude Seminar, they don’t give a rats ass what the class actually entails. On the Supplier side: Make as much money as possible with as little effort as possible. They also appear to have something of a sense of humor about who they send to teach such things, although I know the real reason is because those individuals have the greatest personal anger over such things. _Angry Racist Black Guy_ naturally teaches Multicultural Sensitivity or Race related classes. Hell, at the small ultraliberal college I used to work for, there was a big to-do about them hiring an Asian guy! for this position when it, by all rights, belonged to an African-American. The guy ended up quitting after a few weeks. _Moderately Attractive White Woman With Big Tits_ generally teaches the Sexual Harassment seminar, although there are times when it’s taught by _Angry Unattractive Man Hating Shrew_, who usually teaches the Women In The Workplace seminars. _Angry Control Freak With Personal Issues_ generally teaches the Anger Management or Violence in the Workplace seminars, although it’s sometimes taught by _Timid Milktoast Afraid Of His/Her Own Shadow_. _Clueless White Woman Who Teaches Classes_ is usually the one who runs traveling Computer Training seminars. Can’t tell you how many of these classes I was in as a programmer, wondering in amazement at the inefficiency of the real computer people training her, then sending her out to train me. Team Building exercises usually seem to be taught by burned out elementary school teachers or by failed managers. At least it seems that way because they either treat us like children or like undesirable employees. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/22 "2008-10-11T00:33:36Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > _Angry Racist Black Guy_ naturally teaches Multicultural Sensitivity or Race related classes. Hell, at the small ultraliberal college I used to work for, there was a big to-do about them hiring an Asian guy! for this position when it, by all rights, belonged to an African-American. The guy ended up quitting after a few weeks. Obviously you learned nothing from that training. Scientists have proven that it is impossible for a Black man to be a racist. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/23 "2008-10-11T00:47:59Z")
I’m feeling kind of left out. All the corporate training sessions at my workplace are administered by the same relentlessly cheerful middle-aged white woman. At least I think it’s the same woman. They’re kind of interchangeable in HR. At any rate, she has never let her professional demeanor slip at any of my questions, so she’s definitely worth whatever they’re paying her. She may also be on medication. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/24 "2008-10-11T00:57:06Z")
That would be _Clueless White Woman Who Teaches Classes_. She gets around. And she may well be on drugs due to all the different shit they expect her to teach, most of which she doesn’t completely understand. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/25 "2008-10-11T01:42:44Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > That would be _Clueless White Woman Who Teaches Classes_. She gets around. And she may well be on drugs due to all the different shit they expect her to teach, most of which she doesn’t completely understand. The only person for whom Corporate Bullshit is a native tongue. She comes from the tiny country of Dumbfuckistan. Is it just me or is “human resources” the most dehumanizing possible term that can be used to refer to people? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/26 "2008-10-11T01:58:18Z")
By any rational standard, it’d be perfectly ethical of the 18-looks-15 actress to engage in explicit lesbian-incest with the actress playing her mother (if she’s milfy-hot) across the breakfast-table. Have we really slipped so far that this is even a question? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/27 "2008-10-11T02:06:21Z")
What gets me is that I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone clueless enough to actually fail one of the exams without trying. [QUOTE=T\_SQUARE] The questions were on the order of “You should get stoned and fool around with a drilling rig…” a) Sometimes b) Only if you know what you’re doing c) Only if your buddies will think it’s funny d) Never [/QUOTE] Sure, there are racists, sexists, bigots, whatever in workplaces. Do any of them really believe their actions are acceptable? Does anyone believe for a moment that they don’t know which answer is the “right” one on the test? Or maybe someone truly believes that one of these wastes of oxygen will experience a sudden epiphany and realize what an ass they really are. signed Veteran of many seminars ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/28 "2008-10-11T02:30:43Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > We have these bullshit training courses too. I work at a financial printing company, we have a course for insider trading, good thing t-bonham’s friend doesn’t work here. > I’m guessing that the ethics training course was a generic one for all industries. Obviously it was a trick question. (nice work A. I. Wintermute!) I bet I have taken some of those classes. I love the insider trading classes I’ve taken. Sure, I think i’ll buy some call options when I receive an email by mistake telling me company xyz will report record profits the following week. Usually the unauthorized emails I receive tell me that the bathroom at an office 1500 miles away will be closed for an hour. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/29 "2008-10-11T02:39:37Z")
I recently completed my company’s mandatory ethics training…for the 20th time. The week before, my area manager told me to “use discretion” when dealing with certain important clients. Hmmmmm, business as usual. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![whatami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85f322/32.png) [@whatami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatami)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/30 "2008-10-11T02:51:45Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > … > _Moderately Attractive White Woman With Big Tits_ generally teaches the Sexual Harassment seminar, although there are times when it’s taught by _Angry Unattractive Man Hating Shrew_, who usually teaches the Women In The Workplace seminars. > > _Angry Control Freak With Personal Issues_ generally teaches the Anger Management or Violence in the Workplace seminars, although it’s sometimes taught by _Timid Milktoast Afraid Of His/Her Own Shadow_. > … (snipped by me) The woman who taught the last sexual harrasment seminar I attended went out with the group after work and got passed around like a party favor. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/31 "2008-10-11T03:15:14Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > Since the evaluations were anonymous, after a while I started saying things like “Since I’ve been able to read for XX years, it isn’t necessary to have things read to me” and “This class was a waste of time which could have been better spent doing the work I’m being paid to do” > > I have a low bullshit threshold, and hate having my time wasted by it. Ah, yes, you were there for my overlord’s presentation of Who Moved the Fucking Cheese? Where, due to a tragic convergence of PMS and Mercury Retrograde my BS deflector suffered a cascade failure- my evaluation read ‘the presenter has to die eight hours early so I can get this day back.’ Remember folks, Palm Pilots let you look like you’re taking notes whilst playing Insaniquarium! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/32 "2008-10-11T03:38:54Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] I’m feeling kind of left out. All the corporate training sessions at my workplace are administered by the same relentlessly cheerful middle-aged white woman. [/QUOTE] Huh. Ours have run high to pudgy middle-aged white guys who are Very Earnest. Except for one pudgy middle-aged white guy who was INTENSE as well as Very Earnest. He kept telling us he was from _New York_. That was the sign to either check our shoes for cow flop or read along from the handouts, all of which were right there in his nifty powerpoint presentation. Or something. After 30 minutes everyone was narcoleptic. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/33 "2008-10-11T03:39:40Z")
> [@whatami](#): > > The woman who taught the last sexual harrasment seminar I attended went out with the group after work and got passed around like a party favor. _Moderately Attractive White Woman With Big Tits_ must be getting tired of not getting any. After all, if you spend all day telling men they’re not supposed to even look at the women they work with, none of those guys are going to hit on you after the seminar is over! ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/34 "2008-10-11T03:43:36Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > Huh. Ours have run high to pudgy middle-aged white guys who are Very Earnest. Except for one pudgy middle-aged white guy who was INTENSE as well as Very Earnest. He kept telling us he was from _New York_. That was the sign to either check our shoes for cow flop or read along from the handouts, all of which were right there in his nifty powerpoint presentation. Or something. After 30 minutes everyone was narcoleptic. Did he live IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/35 "2008-10-11T03:45:55Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] _Moderately Attractive White Woman With Big Tits_ must be getting tired of not getting any. After all, if you spend all day telling men they’re not supposed to even look at the women they work with, none of those guys are going to hit on you after the seminar is over! [/QUOTE] Snerk. Always worth a snicker: [Terry Tate, Office Linebacker, and sensitivity training](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17jplpjCaec) ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/36 "2008-10-11T04:02:18Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > The only person for whom Corporate Bullshit is a native tongue. She comes from the tiny country of Dumbfuckistan. > > Is it just me or is “human resources” the most dehumanizing possible term that can be used to refer to people? Well I guess my company is on the leading edge in sensitivity because we no longer have “Human Resources”. We now have (I swear I’m not making this up) “People Solutions”. I’m dying to ask them what the percntage of people is in their solution. Is it about 3 parts water to 1 part soylent green? ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/37 "2008-10-11T04:24:13Z")
> [@Rhubarb](#): > > Well I guess my company is on the leading edge in sensitivity because we no longer have “Human Resources”. > > We now have (I swear I’m not making this up) “People Solutions”. I’m dying to ask them what the percntage of people is in their solution. Is it about 3 parts water to 1 part soylent green? Like your people are a problem needing to be solved! Which, really, is how most companies big enough for a HR dep’t think of the minions. To quote a Doper of days past: [QUOTE=GMRyujin, 29April04] You’re probably going to spend ten, twenty, or more years of your life working for a company that’d kill you and sell your organs if it got the CEO a third gold-plated bathtub for himself and his hookers. You can be talented, well-trained, highly experienced, and a loyal employee and they’ll still ship your job overseas if it’ll let the CEO get more hookers on bath night. And they’ll probably make you train the guy taking your job [/QUOTE] (and if someone’s search-fu is better than mine, I’d love a link to it) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/38 "2008-10-11T04:32:04Z")
> [@Annie](#): > > Like your people are a problem needing to be solved! Which, really, is how most companies big enough for a HR dep’t think of the minions. There we go. When I get rich and buy a company, I’ll be honest and forthright and call it **The Department of Minion Management** (DoMM). ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/39 "2008-10-11T05:57:47Z")
Try to work another ‘O’ into that, **Chimera!** DooMM! ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2008, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213/40 "2008-10-11T13:47:38Z")
> [@Rhubarb](#): > > Well I guess my company is on the leading edge in sensitivity because we no longer have “Human Resources”. > > We now have (I swear I’m not making this up) “People Solutions”. I’m dying to ask them what the percntage of people is in their solution. Is it about 3 parts water to 1 part soylent green? I’d love to see that at a chemical or pharmaceutical company. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiotic-corporate-ethics-training/467213.md?page=1)