# Idiot's Guide to . . . Being an Idiot **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270 "2000-12-19T01:25:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/1 "2000-12-19T01:25:46Z")
I was at a bookstore today and saw [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Betting on Horses](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0876053282/106-7782585-1303666). My immediate thought was “yup, that’s a book for idiots.” I’ve been to the track a few times, and had fun making a few $2 or $5 bets on each race. But anyone who would spend $17 on this book, hoping to make money on the horses must really be an idiot. So what are your ideas for “Complete Idiot’s” or “For Dummies” books for truly complete idiots. My thoughts: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Do-It-Yorself Prostate Surgery Slamming Your Hand In Car Doors for Dummies The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pauly Shore Movies ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/2 "2000-12-19T01:32:43Z")
The Complete Idiot’s guide to Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/3 "2000-12-19T01:44:18Z")
Sneezing for Dummies The Idiot’s Guide to Walking The Idiot’s Guide to Assholes for Dummies ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/4 "2000-12-19T01:45:35Z")
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Walking Upright Like The Rest of Us The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Using Your Damn Turn Signal The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the “12 Items or Less” Aisle ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/5 "2000-12-19T01:46:09Z")
_The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Driving_ :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![DigitalMuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@DigitalMuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalMuse)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/6 "2000-12-19T01:46:11Z")
Breathing for Dummies Then again, if they really needed help for that maybe it would be better to let him/her die. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/7 "2000-12-19T01:48:57Z")
The Idiot’s Guide for Getting Their Head Out of Their Ass Walking for Dummies ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/8 "2000-12-19T01:51:36Z")
The only problem is that Walking for Dummies is real Welfy. Keith ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/9 "2000-12-19T01:54:26Z")
with props to JDT The Complete Idiots Guide To A Do-It-Yourself Circumcision ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/10 "2000-12-19T01:55:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaz \* > \*\*The Complete Idiot’s guide to Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches > \*\* This is eerily similar: [The Complete and Utter Idiot’s Guide to Making a Baloney Sandwich](http://www.brunching.com/features/idiotsandwich.html) ---
**Author:** ![Wytehawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Wytehawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wytehawk)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/11 "2000-12-19T01:58:18Z")
-The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Opening Doors You would not beleive the number of times I have seen people pushing on a door that has a great big “Pull” sign right in front of them… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/12 "2000-12-19T01:58:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beagledave \* > \*\*with props to JDT > > The Complete Idiots Guide To A Do-It-Yourself Circumcision \*\* No no no! _Foreskin Restoration for Dummies_. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/13 "2000-12-19T01:59:50Z")
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Placing Tech Support Calls would be favorite. It could have chapters called: Making sure the unit is plugged in. Having a clue what kind of unit you have. What are model and serial numbers? Why we need to know what your name and number are. Why it makes no sense to call for support on your PC when you are in your car on the cell phone. You get the drift… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/14 "2000-12-19T02:05:49Z")
I like the thread title: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being an Idiot ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/15 "2000-12-19T02:23:28Z")
The Complete Idiot’s guide to landing a plane in just ten minutes! The Idiot’s guide to witnessing. The Idiot’s guide to jury duty. The Idiot’s guide to breaking the law. ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/16 "2000-12-19T02:31:53Z")
“Idiots guide to Crack” or “Crack for Dummies!” ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/17 "2000-12-19T02:58:57Z")
Some REAL ones that struck me as funny… [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Model](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028631900) [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028639618) [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Extraterrestrial Intelligence](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028623878) [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Online Gambling](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0789722070) [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Investing in Internet Stocks](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028639413) [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-Esteem](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028629302) (Is this required if you buy any book in the series?) I was unable to find a link, but I did see _The Idiot’s Guide for Idiots_ at a local bookstore. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/18 "2000-12-19T03:35:18Z")
I actually saw _Gambling for Dummies_, and I thought, “Yeah, it sure is!” ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/19 "2000-12-19T03:52:55Z")
Wait! I have the deal-closer, here. The greatest Idiots Guide of them all. Ready yourself. _The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Buying a Complete Idiot’s Guide_ Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Mofo\_Rising](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mofo\_Rising](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mofo_Rising)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270/20 "2000-12-19T03:57:24Z")
I work at a library, so I see a lot of these books. My favorite of the “Idiot” books is [The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0028629027/qid=977197816/sr=1-1/105-8852901-0272721). You have to have absolutely no shame to check this out, let alone buy a copy of your own. (I guess that’s why we have the self checkout.) Now that I think about it, it would make a good coffee table book. Slight Hijack: We have quite a few self-help books. My favorites always have titles so you don’t even have to open the book. “Stop Beating Yourself Up!” Okeedokee. The worst one I’ve seen so far was “What to Say When You Talk To Yourself”. If you need a book of several hundred pages to keep conversation with yourself, you have bigger problems than can probably be helped. (Or you could inflict your self-monologue on message boards.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idiots-guide-to-being-an-idiot/46270.md?page=2)