# Idle Thoughts is wrong. Again. **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [March 12, 2016, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786 "2016-03-12T20:30:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/21 "2016-03-14T14:14:23Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > The tone of this comment fails any definition of civility I am aware of. Well, aren’t you just the sweetest thing. One’s words can be civil–the ATMB requirement–without compromising one’s standards. One can call out others, even insult, while remaining civil. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/22 "2016-03-14T14:57:25Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > The tone of this comment fails any definition of civility I am aware of. I completely disagree. This is a classic Miss Manners line. You just need to smile when delivering it. “Civil” does not equate “nice”. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/23 "2016-03-14T15:51:36Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I would be very surprised if Idle Thoughts is female. It really should not matter at all. But Idle Thoughts recently started a thread asking people about how much they weigh and I would be very surprised if it was a lady who did that. Seems very much out of character for a female to do that. But, after all, who can really know for sure? > > I suppose, no one can ever really know fer sure about such things. All the messages I’ve ever read that were posted by Idle Thoughts seemed to me as if they were written by a male. But, you just never can tell, I suppose. Can you? Oh my, I as well would be very surprised if Idle Thoughts was a female. Very surprised indeed. Females aren’t usually concerned with weight. But, like you said, you just gosh darn can’t very well tell even though he posted, in this thread, he was a male just an hour before you posted. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/24 "2016-03-14T16:05:21Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I completely disagree. This is a classic Miss Manners line. You just need to smile when delivering it. > > “Civil” does not equate “nice”. Miss Manners is pretty much the epitome of incivility. She recommends being a passive aggressive jerk to people. There’s a reason why she’s considered a relic of days gone by than anything anyone actually listens to today. No, civility isn’t niceness. But it’s not passive aggressiveness, either. No attempt to get in some swipe against someone else is civil. If you have a complaint with someone, the civil thing to do is bring it up directly, but without accusatory language. Bring up your criticism in a polite way. I don’t know what is going on in **Colibri** ’s life that he’s decided to become all snappy lately. I do know he’s not normally like this, so I’d just recommend giving him a wide berth until he cools down. Since he’s a mod, we can’t really do anything else. That, BTW, is why I haven’t gone back into that other thread. I saw that **Colibri** responded even after the thread was specifically closed to let people cool down, and I knew that he’s going to say something infuriating. That’s the mood he’s in right now. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/25 "2016-03-14T16:24:33Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > His topic ban includes all talking or hijacking threads with females accusing sports players of crimes, despite what that exact post says, and you were deliberately provoking him in that post. The mod note stands, I’m sorry. > > You’re trying to feign ignorance and pretend you weren’t doing anything wrong here, but no matter how much you are going to twist the past posts to try to show I’m mistaken, it’s apparent to all of the mods what you were trying to do there. > It’s equivalent to parents telling one brother to stop touching the other brother in the backseat of the car on a long trip. The brother finding a loophole and holding one finger away from the other’s face while claiming “I’m not touching him, I’m not touching him… What? I’m not touching him! You said I’d only get into trouble if I touched him”. That defense isn’t going to work here. This is ridiculous. **mhendo** isn’t trying to feign anything. He followed the rule to the letter while directly responding to a post made in that thread. There was nothing in either of their posts about rape allegations, and no moderation was needed at all. If you want to moderate posts like that (which is understandable, even if I disagree), then expand the topic ban. Otherwise, leave that alone. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/26 "2016-03-14T16:28:15Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > No attempt to get in some swipe against someone else is civil. > > _snip_ > > I don’t know what is going on in **Colibri** ’s life that he’s decided to become all snappy lately. One of these things is not like the other. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/27 "2016-03-14T16:48:27Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Miss Manners is pretty much the epitome of incivility. She recommends being a passive aggressive jerk to people. There’s a reason why she’s considered a relic of days gone by than anything anyone actually listens to today. Thank you for your input. 🙂 No, I disagree heartily. I follow Miss Manners all the time and she certainly isn’t a relic of days gone by. She has excellent tips on how to answer rude, prying questions that I get all the time, like: Why don’t you have kids? Why aren’t you married? Where are you from? The answer listed upthread should be delivered with a smile, and should be genuine, as should Miss Manners’ responses. If you are reading passive-aggressiveness into them, that’s probably on you, though I submit that in casual encounters, passive-aggressiveness is better than outright aggression, especially when you don’t want to answer a question. Or do you submit I should answer, “Where are you from?” with “Fuck you, I’m an American,” which is what I really want to say? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/28 "2016-03-14T17:11:27Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > No, civility isn’t niceness. But it’s not passive aggressiveness, either. > Snip > Snip > > I don’t know what is going on in **Colibri** ’s life that he’s decided to become all snappy lately. I do know he’s not normally like this, so I’d just recommend giving him a wide berth until he cools down. Since he’s a mod, we can’t really do anything else. > > That, BTW, is why I haven’t gone back into that other thread. I saw that **Colibri** responded even after the thread was specifically closed to let people cool down, and I knew that he’s going to say something infuriating. That’s the mood he’s in right now. I’m glad you’ve come out against passive aggression. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/29 "2016-03-14T17:12:32Z")
Ninjad by Shodan. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/30 "2016-03-14T17:24:13Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Oh my, I as well would be very surprised if Idle Thoughts was a female. Very surprised indeed. Females aren’t usually concerned with weight. But, like you said, you just gosh darn can’t very well tell even though he posted, in this thread, he was a male just an hour before you posted. Heavens to Betsy, you are absolutely right! Charlie Wayne must not have noticed that post, which is why he said what he did. I’m sure it was an honest mistake, and that Idle Thoughts will not take offense. Who knows, by gum, maybe they can even meet in person one day to share a drink! I have recently discovered a wonderful lemonade called Country Time. It is a powder that you mix with water to make delicious lemonade! I like it because unlike other kinds of lemonade that I have tried, it is not too tart and not too sweet. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/31 "2016-03-14T18:07:17Z")
**Moderator Note** While you can argue that Idle Thoughts set himself up for this gender confusion issue with his last April Fools joke, I think he’s been given enough grief over it on the SDMB. Let’s give that a rest and focus on the actual moderation issue here, please. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/32 "2016-03-14T18:20:34Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Heavens to Betsy, you are absolutely right! Charlie Wayne must not have noticed that post, which is why he said what he did. I’m sure it was an honest mistake, and that Idle Thoughts will not take offense. Who knows, by gum, maybe they can even meet in person one day to share a drink! I have recently discovered a wonderful lemonade called Country Time. It is a powder that you mix with water to make delicious lemonade! I like it because unlike other kinds of lemonade that I have tried, it is not too tart and not too sweet. I suppose you could say it’s lemonade, but being almost lemonade isn’t being lemonade. I think I’m correct on that, but I may not be. But, you just never can tell, I suppose. Can you? ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/33 "2016-03-14T19:08:53Z")
All these posts in this thread and I didn’t see a single link to the thread in question. So [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=773980). **Dalej42** made several comments throughout about how MLB players should not be suspended for (alleged or actual) spousal abuse. Then the main event starts at post #311. I have no comment on the merits of this case, except possibly that both parties ( **Dalej42** and **mhendo** ) were annoying, Dale for repeatedly going to his hobbyhorse issue, and mhendo for snapping and escalating inappropriately. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/34 "2016-03-14T19:39:44Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > I suppose you could say it’s lemonade, but being almost lemonade isn’t being lemonade. I think I’m correct on that, but I may not be. But, you just never can tell, I suppose. Can you? Thank you for making this point, **Morgenstern**. I had never considered how being almost lemonade might not be lemonade! Again, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I had never considered it. But you make a very good point about it. Almost lemonade is not lemonade! I have never thought about this point about lemonade. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/35 "2016-03-14T19:51:49Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@Morgenstern](#): > > I suppose you could say it’s lemonade, but being almost lemonade isn’t being lemonade. I think I’m correct on that, but I may not be. But, you just never can tell, I suppose. Can you? > [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > Thank you for making this point, **Morgenstern**. I had never considered how being almost lemonade might not be lemonade! > > Again, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I had never considered it. But you make a very good point about it. Almost lemonade is not lemonade! I have never thought about this point about lemonade. That’s enough. Any more of this nonsense and I am going to start handing out warnings. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/36 "2016-03-14T21:37:12Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > All these posts in this thread and I didn’t see a single link to the thread in question. So [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=773980). Actually, the OP has a link to the thread. It’s the little blue arrow behind “Idle Thoughts” in the quote box. Though that link centers on his post, and to get to the top of the thread you have to scroll back/use page links. > [@](#): > > **Dalej42** made several comments throughout about how MLB players should not be suspended for (alleged or actual) spousal abuse. Then the main event starts at post #311. > > I have no comment on the merits of this case, except possibly that both parties ( **Dalej42** and **mhendo** ) were annoying, Dale for repeatedly going to his hobbyhorse issue, and mhendo for snapping and escalating inappropriately. Due to this, I scrolled through the thread for **dalej42** ’s posts. His first post dealing with the issue of domestic violence is post [227](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19035666&postcount=227). > [@](#): > > No charges for Aroldis Chapman. I’m hoping MLB doesn’t implement their ‘domestic violence’ policy and attempt to punish him.Criminal matters should be left to the police and baseball incidents for MLB. The police aren’t going to investigate if someone used a corked bat or was scuffing the ball. That’s for MLB to investigate and potentially impose fines or suspensions. link to news article omitted That discussion continues with other posters weighing in. **dalej42** ’s posts below: [Post 231](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19040626&postcount=231) > [@](#): > > Nope. The NFL got ridiculous last year with all their nanny suspensions. MLB should only suspend or fine players for baseball related infractions. Let the legal system handle anything that occurs away from baseball. [post 263](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19125428&postcount=263) > [@](#): > > Massive overreaction as MLB is putting Jose Reyes on administrative leave. MLB doesn’t need to turn into the NFL with the commissioner sitting as moral judge and jury. Let the legal system deal with legal issues and the baseball commissioner deal with baseball issues. [post 291](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19144728&postcount=291) > [@](#): > > Chapman suspended 30 games! This new massive overreaction to a ‘domestic violence epidemic’ is ridiculous. The guy wasn’t even charged with a crime. I hope he appeals this and wins and I’m certainly not a Yankees fan. [post 294](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19145023&postcount=294) > [@](#): > > I think the players’ union is wrong and the commissioner’s office is wrong. I don’t care if Chapman got a speeding ticket, hit a woman, or participated in a coup d’etat. There’s a legal system to handle criminal matters. The commissioner should handle baseball matters such as corked bats, arguing with an umpire, doctoring the baseball, or charging the mound. > > Suspending a team’s closer for a month is ridiculous. That’s what leads up to post 311, where **dalej42** is actually only talking about showboating on the field. However, he expressed the opinion several times previously that domestic violence is something the league should ignore, and leave to the legal system. So **mhendo** ’s post about whacking girlfriends is in direct response to numerous statements by **dalej42** on the issue of domestic violence. Yet somehow **mhendo** is provoking him? Sure, there’s snark there, but snark has never been off limits. His comment is directly in response to **dalej42** ’s statements, not some extra awareness that some topic is off limits for him. Also, if **dalej42** ’s topic ban does include any discussions of domestic violence in sports, then he has clearly violated it several times prior to this incident. I also agree that if **dalej42** ’s topic ban is supposed to cover domestic violence in sports, that needs to be clearly stated up front. Expecting other posters to avoid provoking him when they don’t know it’s off limits is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/37 "2016-03-15T02:55:15Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I’m glad that you agree that ATMB should be kept civil. I take it this means that you will be unfailingly civil in ATMB in the future, then. There you go again. You guys are fucking mind-readers! And to think I suggested that those giant hoop earrings made you look cheap and tawdry, but they really do complete the look. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/38 "2016-03-15T17:49:13Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > Dude, that’s not the OP. :smack: You are correct! Yes, i mean to say first post on that page. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/39 "2016-03-15T17:51:25Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > **Moderator Note** > > While you can argue that Idle Thoughts set himself up for this gender confusion issue with his last April Fools joke, I think he’s been given enough grief over it on the SDMB. Let’s give that a rest and focus on the actual moderation issue here, please. I totally agree, and I think everyone knows Idle Thoughts and I don’t see eye to eye on many things. It’s rather childish to give him a hard time over a little joke. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786/40 "2016-03-15T22:45:58Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Actually, the OP has a link to the thread. It’s the little blue arrow behind “Idle Thoughts” in the quote box. Though that link centers on his post, and to get to the top of the thread you have to scroll back/use page links. Sorry, that’s one of the nuances that I always forget. (snips) > [@](#): > > So **mhendo** ’s post about whacking girlfriends is in direct response to numerous statements by **dalej42** on the issue of domestic violence. Yet somehow **mhendo** is provoking him? Sure, there’s snark there, but snark has never been off limits. His comment is directly in response to **dalej42** ’s statements, not some extra awareness that some topic is off limits for him. One thing that I don’t think has been mentioned is the ambiguity of the word “whack.” While it might be intended to mean “hit” lots of people immediately went to the more colloquial meaning of “murder.” One is right in line with **Dale** ’s posts, the other is an unsupportable escalation. Because of the ambiguity I would have opted for a note instead of a warning, but that’s one of many reasons I’m not a mod. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/idle-thoughts-is-wrong-again/748786.md?page=3)