# If a celebrity doesn't want to be part of of "Make a Wish" are they defacto assholes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 8, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356 "2009-04-08T04:36:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/61 "2009-04-08T23:56:47Z")
“Make A Wish” did something for my brother awhile back. I was invited to participate with the rest of the family, but declined. What kind of message does it send to someone to say, “Hey, you’re so far gone that the normal rules of society no longer apply. Here’s a stack of money, go crazy. Eat ice cream three meals a day and quit bathing. Buy a gold-plated minibike. You’re fucked, so it doesn’t matter.” I don’t regret my decision. In fact, after that rich reward, my mother has never hesitated to profit off others’ guilt, due to my brother’s illness and later my dad’s and her own illnesses. If the United Way showed up at her door with a check for $100,000, she would consider it her just deserts. I don’t want to judge people like that too harshly, because I have been lucky myself in avoiding tragedy and I don’t know how I’d react in the same situation. But it is not the sort of thing I want to encourage. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/62 "2009-04-09T00:22:46Z")
> [@Hyperelastic](#): > > What kind of message does it send to someone to say, “Hey, you’re so far gone that the normal rules of society no longer apply. Here’s a stack of money, go crazy. Eat ice cream three meals a day and quit bathing. Buy a gold-plated minibike. You’re fucked, so it doesn’t matter.” Why is the message important? Some human kindness counts, too. And in no way to the rules of society stop applying. Make A Wish doesn’t give out money, they help arrange gifts for kids in terrible situations. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/63 "2009-04-09T00:32:05Z")
PLEASE let me bang Charlize Theron before I die! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![dzeiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@dzeiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzeiger)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/64 "2009-04-09T01:42:19Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Meh. I’ve been called a jerk over less noble causes than defending the point of view of terminally ill kids. 😛 “Won’t **somebody** think of the children?!?!?!?” > [@](#): > > As Marley23 points out, the athletes rely on their fans for a large part of their income. Unfortunately, that’s a pretty stupid statement. Fans give him no income. His income comes from customers, just like my income does, and indeed most everyone’s income does. You, me, Ben, all of us have some role in producing a good or a service that someone else is willing to pay money for. They provide the money, we provide the goods or services, that is the extent of the obligation. To provide additional assistance to customers in need can be admirable, but it is in no way shape or form a moral or ethical obligation. > [@](#): > > [Roethlisberger in particular has made millions of dollars](http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/s_400531.html) hawking products based on his public persona. He has benefited from cultivating the perception he is someone you should want to emulate and desire to be around. He wouldn’t make a dime off the BBQ sauce with his name on it or the “Mrs. Roethlisberger” jerseys his site sells if the rest of the public saw him as just some idiot who happens to be able to throw a ball. So, just to be clear, the best cite you could come up to support your claim that Ben is a jerk who doesn’t support sick or dying kids is a four-year-old article that mentions that a portion of his merchandise income goes directly to charities, and that he was in the process of creating his own charity that focuses on helping children? Damn that man, he hates kids so much that he founds his own charity for them! > [@](#): > > Choosing a career in the public eye comes with baggage. If you can’t handle the pressures of having fans and being in the spotlight, stick to playing ball on the weekends and get a job where nobody EXPECTS you to care about your dying fans. The elevation of celebrities to heroic stature exists mainly as a vehicle to tear them back down. You create the straw man of the kind and wonderful public hero because when you spot a flaw that allows you to tear it down, it makes you feel better about your own failings. If helping terminally ill children is such a vital issue to you, instead of spending a couple of hours hanging around with your friends on an internet message board criticizing a man who sends part of his income directly to some charities and founds his own in addition, mabye you should spend that time helping out yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/65 "2009-04-09T01:47:40Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > if somebody outright refuses to participate with Make A Wish because he ‘can’t handle it,’ I’d say that’s assholish behavior. If you aren’t at my front door with a pizza within the next 2 hours, then you are an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/66 "2009-04-09T01:49:00Z")
> [@dzeiger](#): > > Unfortunately, that’s a pretty stupid statement. Fans give him no income. His income comes from customers, just like my income does, and indeed most everyone’s income does. This is a redefinition without a difference. > [@](#): > > So, just to be clear, the best cite you could come up to support your claim that Ben is a jerk who doesn’t support sick or dying kids I didn’t see **lavenderviolet** argue that anyplace. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/67 "2009-04-09T01:50:25Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > If you aren’t at my front door with a pizza within the next 2 hours, then you are an asshole. Dying for a pizza, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/68 "2009-04-09T03:06:45Z")
To be fair, I don’t think this was “Make a Wish”, specifically, but that the Steelers do regular visits to the hospital childrens’ cancer ward. Ben never comes. I don’t think this was a specific charity, but she asked for him, and he refused to come. And as others pointed out in the thread, he’s known for being obnoxious when visiting restaurants, demanding freebies, etc. Look, perhaps this alone doesn’t make him an asshole, but like I said, it was my soon-to-be cousin who said it. (I can’t say WHICH hospital she works at, naturally, due to HIPAA) It’s basically just the iceing on the cake. Troy Polamalu, is the exact opposite-he’s known for giving jerseys, balls, helmets, etc. > [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > If you aren’t at my front door with a pizza within the next 2 hours, then you are an asshole. 2 hours? It better be FREE!!! ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/69 "2009-04-09T06:16:08Z")
When I was young and immature I refused to participate in a school fundraising event for Make A Wish (and got into trouble for it). My reasoning at the time was a combination of spend the money on research to help lots of kids instead of granting a wish for this one kid, and pure jealousy, I am not likely to ever get to go to Disneyland, why should this kid? Now a little older and wiser now, I do support make a wish, but there is still value in both arguments - is make a wish really the most effective way to spend charity money, and I bet everybody on this board knows of people that have never even come close to realising even simple wishes in their lifetimes, let alone coming close to thier one big dreams. If someone didn’t want to participate in Make A Wish on such philosopshical grounds, its not really very fair (IMHO) to call them an arsehole. Further, perhaps such refusal could be on general principles. Perhaps he is such a big softy (I know this is debunked upthread) that he has trouble saying no to a charity once he actually considers the request, so he just says no to all, having already made a commitment to specific charities. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/70 "2009-04-09T07:57:21Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I understand what you and others are saying, I just don’t think much of it as a reason for refusing to participate. Refusing to have dinner or throw a football around or engage in a similar activity with a sick kid sounds more like the result of self-absorption than trauma even if trauma might theoretically be a cause. Quite possibly Celebrity X is not good at one-on-ones with a child. Or doesn’t LIKE children, period. I very much doubt that I’d ever be some kid’s wish, but if I am, more than likely that kid’s out of luck, not just because I don’t want to participate, but because I know that I’d make the kid miserable. And if wassname doesn’t want to participate, I think it’s a pretty shitty move on the part of Make A Wish to let that be known. (Did that happen that way? I wasn’t paying much attention to the original thread.) I think that while this might be a worthwhile cause, it’s changed from a nice thing to do to almost a thing to be bullied into doing. I also think that it would be very easy for this sort of thing to become a cynical PR move on the part of many celebs, much like some actresses adopt kids, and the happy family life portrayed by actors in the 40s? 50s? when in fact the people in question are only looking for favorable press. And, as brought up by others, who knows what personal issues a particular celeb might have? Maybe his best friend had a brother who died of that disease, and he can’t deal with it ever again. Or maybe he thinks that his time and resources could be put to better use elsewhere. When does a voluntary participation in a charity become mandatory? I don’t think that any person should be forced to participate in any particular activity or charity if they don’t feel the need to. Maybe public pressure will force wassname to make hospital visits. However, I can’t imagine that he’d be a very pleasant person to be around if he felt forced to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/71 "2009-04-09T14:13:05Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > my soon-to-be cousin who said it. [hijack]What? You can’t _become_ someone’s cousin, can you? Cousins are blood relatives.[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/72 "2009-04-09T14:33:05Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > [hijack]What? You can’t _become_ someone’s cousin, can you? Cousins are blood relatives.[/hijack] Maybe Guin and this person are getting divorced and will therefore go back to just cousins. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![valleyofthedolls](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a4c791/32.png) [@valleyofthedolls](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/valleyofthedolls)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/73 "2009-04-09T18:39:58Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Fan support is what allows these guys to play a sport for a living. It used to be that professional athletes had to work jobs in the offseason to augment their salaries; today even an average professional athlete out-earns the typical fan by a very large margin. This is part of why professional leagues go out of their way to appear charitable. This isn’t true. This guy gets to play football for a living because he’s good at it. No amount of fan support is going to make a team keep a lousy player. This is a similar line of thinking to people who think actors owe them autographs/photographs and have no right to privacy because they’re fans, dammit and these actors wouldn’t have a career, otherwise. But that’s not true. Plenty of movies with unknowns do well just as plenty of movies with popular actors tank. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/74 "2009-04-09T18:55:44Z")
> [@valleyofthedolls](#): > > This isn’t true. This guy gets to play football for a living because he’s good at it. No amount of fan support is going to make a team keep a lousy player. Yes, but that’s not the core of the issue. Fan support is what makes it possible to play football or act for a living in the first place, rather than doing it as a hobby, because fans are willing to pay to see the games and movies, and provide a market for the advertisers. And a personal request from a sick or terminally ill child is not the same as not the same as asking an actor on the street for an for autograph. One’s a gift to someone in a bad situation, the other’s a frivolous keepsake that might wind up on eBay. ---
**Author:** ![incidental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/22d042/32.png) [@incidental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incidental)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/75 "2009-04-09T20:50:03Z")
Just to clarify a point…just because a child gets to Make A Wish, it doesn’t automatically mean they are dying. [http://www.wish.org/refer/who\_is\_eligible](http://www.wish.org/refer/who_is_eligible) “A child with a life-threatening medical condition who has reached the age of 2 1/2 and is under the age of 18 at the time of referral, is potentially eligible for a wish.” Life-threatening doesn’t always equal dying…and the system does get abused. I heard of a kid with cortical blindness and MR get his wish granted…a flat screen tv. Totally disgusting. I can’t imagine why they granted that. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/76 "2009-04-09T22:01:38Z")
For the record, Roethlisberger has done Make-A-Wish at least [once](http://www.emqb.com/ben-roethlisberger-make-a-wish-foundation-help-paralyzed-teenager-realize-dream/). He has established a [charitable foundation](http://cms.nflplayers.com/user/template.aspx?fmid=174&lmid=194&pid=1851&type=l) and participates in some [number](http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/sports/college/s_618024.html) of [charitable](http://www.csdecisions.com/article/4138/sheetz-charity-adds-roethlisberger-to-lineup.html) [events](http://www.toledoonthemove.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=117644). ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/77 "2009-04-09T22:29:52Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I think it’s sad that it seems to be the dying wish of so many children just to hang out with a celebrity. What a waste of a person’s limited time left. It shows you how disproportionately we value entertainers and other media figures. Think back to your childhood and imagine who you might have wished to spend time with. When I was a child I probably would have wanted to spend time with the folks who made Star Trek or Star Wars. Although I probably would have wished for a trip to Disney World or something like that. > [@](#): > > And it seems to me that a charity that purports to grant dying wishes to boys should primarily be arranging sexual encounters. Anything less than that any pretty much everyone involved is deluding themselves. Depends on the age of the boy I guess. Odesio ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/78 "2009-04-09T22:43:49Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I think it’s sad that it seems to be the dying wish of so many children just to hang out with a celebrity. What a waste of a person’s limited time left. It shows you how disproportionately we value entertainers and other media figures. Well, plenty of them ask to tour the Space Shuttle or a fire station or somesuch. “Dying kid plays ball with quarterback” is just a much better story than “dying kid gets to drink from the fire hose.” Anyway, what’s the point in a dying child doing something educational or edifying, if it isn’t also fun? Education is for the future. If you have no future… > [@](#): > > I can’t imagine why they granted that. Even young children are capable of remarkable altruism. When I was 7 or so I told my mother that if I was dying, I’d ask the Make-A-Wish people to buy here a Mercedes convertible. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/79 "2009-04-09T23:51:00Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > Think back to your childhood and imagine who you might have wished to spend time with. When I was a child I probably would have wanted to spend time with the folks who made Star Trek or Star Wars. Although I probably would have wished for a trip to Disney World or something like that. See the part I don’t get is this: as a kid there were things that I thought were really cool, but if it was just some abstract cool idea that was unlikely to ever happen (meet Jon Bon Jovi or something), then I wasn’t _heartbroken_ if it didn’t happen. It was a cool daydream that would be fun to talk about with my friends, but if no other kid in school had it either then I wasn’t upset. Now, if it was something the other kids in my class got to do, or (God forbid) my brother, then yeah I would upset to be left out. But I wouldn’t be heartbroken unless somehow I got the idea in my head that this dream was within reach or it was something I was unfairly denied. So I guess I don’t fully accept the premise that the kid will be just devastated if he doesn’t get to meet Ben Roethlisberger. Even if the kid _thinks_ that would be the most awesome thing ever … well, just think of something else that never occurred to him! The goal of the charity is to make kinds happy, that is a mission that their volunteers have accepted, and I am skeptical of the idea that the volunteers can’t do their job unless they get the cooperation of some celebrity who never agreed to work with them in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/80 "2009-04-10T00:02:35Z")
> [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > See the part I don’t get is this: as a kid there were things that I thought were really cool, but if it was just some abstract cool idea that was unlikely to ever happen (meet Jon Bon Jovi or something), then I wasn’t _heartbroken_ if it didn’t happen. Did you ever have cancer as a child? What I’ve argued here isn’t that the celebrities should participate because the kids will be devastated otherwise; it’s simply that they can make a big difference by participating, without even doing very much. > [@](#): > > Even if the kid _thinks_ that would be the most awesome thing ever … well, just think of something else that never occurred to him! This is probably why they ask for two wishes. Even a second choice is probably still going to be pretty great and it’s something significant to look forward to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356.md?page=5)