# If a celebrity doesn't want to be part of of "Make a Wish" are they defacto assholes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 8, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356 "2009-04-08T04:36:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/81 "2009-04-10T00:34:05Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Did you ever have cancer as a child? No, and I’m not sure how that changes what I said in my last post about the difference between dreams and expectations? That is a genuine question, I am posting in this thread because I would like to discuss and understand the situation. > [@](#): > > What I’ve argued here isn’t that the celebrities should participate because the kids will be devastated otherwise; it’s simply that they can make a big difference by participating, without even doing very much. Sorry, **lavenderviolet** argued that upthread, I should have quoted (bolding not mine): > [@lavenderviolet](#): > > The key, to me, is that this Ben Whatever guy chose to ignore the request knowing that a kid would be **personally hurt and disappointed** by it - a kid who probably had very little else to be excited about or look forward to. Ben’s within his rights to do that, but it shows he is not a good person. that’s the part I didn’t understand (and again, I should have just quoted). but that seems to be what’s in implied in **Guinastasia** story, that the kid was upset because they didn’t get this specific request. If your take is that Ben didn’t upset the kid, he just missed an opportunity to make them happier, then we agree on this point. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/82 "2009-04-10T00:39:31Z")
> [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > No, and I’m not sure how that changes what I said in my last post about the difference between dreams and expectations? That is a genuine question, I am posting in this thread because I would like to discuss and understand the situation. I thought I explained it in my last post. Most of the time as a kid, if you want something, you hope you get it, you try to get it if that’s possible, and that’s pretty much the end of it - it happens or it doesn’t. On the other hand, if you’re very sick and your health has been in jeopardy for a long time, or you’re terminally ill, it can make a much greater difference. Kids in that kind of position are in much greater need of some cheering up. > [@](#): > > If your take is that Ben didn’t upset the kid, he just missed an opportunity to make them happier, then we agree on this point. I haven’t really opined on that one way or the other because I think we’re missing some details. My position at the start of the thread was that if he routinely turns these requests down because he doesn’t care about the happiness of the kids, he’s acting like an asshole. But I don’t know if that’s specifically the case with him. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/83 "2009-04-10T00:58:38Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I thought I explained it in my last post. Most of the time as a kid, if you want something, you hope you get it, you try to get it if that’s possible, and that’s pretty much the end of it - it happens or it doesn’t. On the other hand, if you’re very sick and your health has been in jeopardy for a long time, or you’re terminally ill, it can make a much greater difference. Kids in that kind of position are in much greater need of some cheering up. Okay I agree with that but saying “X will make Sally really really happy” is not the same as “Sally will be really really upset if X doesn’t happen”. That was my point. > [@](#): > > I haven’t really opined on that one way or the other because I think we’re missing some details. My position at the start of the thread was that if he routinely turns these requests down because he doesn’t care about the happiness of the kids, he’s acting like an asshole. But I don’t know if that’s specifically the case with him. Well this is where we’re just not going to agree. In my mind an asshole NFL player is someone who has been arrested for drunk driving, doing a hit and run, dogfighting, beating his girlfriend, yadda yadda yadda. Again, it’s a subjective term. ---
**Author:** ![incidental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/22d042/32.png) [@incidental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incidental)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/84 "2009-04-10T01:27:39Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well, plenty of them ask to tour the Space Shuttle or a fire station or somesuch. “Dying kid plays ball with quarterback” is just a much better story than “dying kid gets to drink from the fire hose.” > > Anyway, what’s the point in a dying child doing something educational or edifying, if it isn’t also fun? Education is for the future. If you have no future… > > Even young children are capable of remarkable altruism. When I was 7 or so I told my mother that if I was dying, I’d ask the Make-A-Wish people to buy here a Mercedes convertible. Sorry…I wasn’t clear enough. MR = mentally retarded (or developmental delay if you want to be more PC). There was no way that was a charitable gesture by the kid - it was the parents taking advantage of the charity. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/85 "2009-04-10T01:42:08Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > it’s simply that they can make a big difference by participating, without even doing very much. There’s hundreds of charities and worthwhile causes that can make that claim on a pro athlete. While Make a Wish is a worthwhile charity, so are many others. It is unreasonable to make an arbitrary decree that this one charity is the benchmark for which all people are deemed worthy. Yes, sick and dying kids are a worthy cause. So are big brother and big sisters. And pet adoptions. And environmental causes. And literacy. If an athlete chooses to spend their time doing some charitable work, I’m certainly not going to second guess his or her choice. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/86 "2009-04-10T01:49:09Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > [hijack]What? You can’t _become_ someone’s cousin, can you? Cousins are blood relatives.[/hijack] Why not? Not all aunts and uncles are blood related-but I still call them Aunt and Uncle. So I consider T my cousin. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/87 "2009-04-10T03:39:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Why not? Not all aunts and uncles are blood related-but I still call them Aunt and Uncle. All that means is that _aunt_ and _uncle_ have a different range of definitions than _cousin_. An aunt or uncle can be through marriage. A cousin, like a mother or father or sister or brother, can’t be through marriage alone. (Leaving aside qualified situations, like “step” or “adoptive.”) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/88 "2009-04-10T04:00:27Z")
> [@incidental](#): > > Sorry…I wasn’t clear enough. MR = mentally retarded (or developmental delay if you want to be more PC). There was no way that was a charitable gesture by the kid - it was the parents taking advantage of the charity. Okay, that’s effed up. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/89 "2009-04-10T04:09:55Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Fair enough. But what about the dying teen-aged boys? I remember being that age. I would have sacrificed a limb for sex, and I wasn’t dying. It just felt like it. Why just the boys? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/90 "2009-04-10T04:11:37Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Why just the boys? Did you desperately want to get laid when you were 15? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/91 "2009-04-10T04:26:54Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Did you desperately want to get laid when you were 15? Hells, yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/92 "2009-04-10T07:22:03Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Did you desperately want to get laid when you were 15? Yes indeedy. ---
**Author:** ![Yossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9de0a6/32.png) [@Yossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yossarian)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/93 "2009-04-10T14:10:26Z")
> [@incidental](#): > > Just to clarify a point…just because a child gets to Make A Wish, it doesn’t automatically mean they are dying. > > [http://www.wish.org/refer/who\_is\_eligible](http://www.wish.org/refer/who_is_eligible) > > “A child with a life-threatening medical condition who has reached the age of 2 1/2 and is under the age of 18 at the time of referral, is potentially eligible for a wish.” This is worth repeating, says the father of a Make-a-Wish child who is now cancer free. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/94 "2009-04-10T14:12:03Z")
> [@Yossarian](#): > > This is worth repeating, says the father of a Make-a-Wish child who is now cancer free. Aww. Glad to hear that, **Yossarian**! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/95 "2009-04-10T14:18:26Z")
> [@Yossarian](#): > > This is worth repeating, says the father of a Make-a-Wish child who is now cancer free. I did mention this in my first post. I don’t think most people are aware of it, but as it turns out Make A Wish has a broader mission and is really generous. I’m glad your child is healthy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/96 "2009-04-10T15:15:19Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > And, as brought up by others, who knows what personal issues a particular celeb might have? Maybe his best friend had a brother who died of that disease, and he can’t deal with it ever again. His college coach and mentor Terry Hoeppner lost his battle with cancer in 2007. Ben chartered a flight to be at his bedside a week before he passed. ---
**Author:** ![Yossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9de0a6/32.png) [@Yossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yossarian)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/97 "2009-04-10T16:50:59Z")
Thanks, Freudian Slit and Marley23 (noting your locations, it might be interesting to note that his “wish” took us to New York City!) That said, and relevant to the thread: If you child is eligible, and you chose to participate (and I resisted for a LONG time thanks in part to the stigma of MaW well-represented in this thread), then the MaW people (all of whom are volunteers) work very closely with you and your child to sort out what sorts of things the kid is interested in, what’s realistic, and then work behind the scenes to liase with whomever you are going to visit with. In our case, the kid’s first wish was to “meet Led Zeppelin”. They wrote that down, and he was made aware that his second wish would be more likely. It was, and that’s what we did, but it hardly makes Led Zeppelin de facto assholes! As a further example, a lot of kids wish to hang out with Hannah Montanna and (then) President Bush–both of whom ALONE are on a four-year waiting list for MaW due to very high demand. (We were also informed, in casual conversation, that Johnny Depp is great with MaW and has spent entire days with children.) ETA: And I’d also like to use the anonymous-yet-public forum to give support to the Chi Omega sorority who does all of the fundraising for Make-a-Wish; the efforts of our local chapter funded the entire thing. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356/98 "2009-04-10T18:00:20Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > All that means is that _aunt_ and _uncle_ have a different range of definitions than _cousin_. An aunt or uncle can be through marriage. A cousin, like a mother or father or sister or brother, can’t be through marriage alone. (Leaving aside qualified situations, like “step” or “adoptive.”) Meh, I still consider them cousins. (Particularly my cousin Marc’s wife, since they’ve been together since they were fifteen) We’re a pretty close family, (keep your minds out of the gutter, people!), I consider T family, and that’s that. Period. At any rate, like I said in the other thread, THAT WAS JUST ONE SAMPLE OF BEN BEING AN ASSHOLE! Yeesh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-celebrity-doesnt-want-to-be-part-of-of-make-a-wish-are-they-defacto-assholes/492356.md?page=4)