# If a potential love interest has herpes do you move on? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 3, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239 "2013-10-03T01:54:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/21 "2013-10-03T15:16:44Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > Which is another good reason not to want a lover with herpes. I wouldn’t want to risk exposing my kid to it either. Parental transmission of genital herpes tend to be mother-child during delivery. If you’re getting father to child transmission of genital, there are possibly larger problems at stake. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/22 "2013-10-03T15:26:30Z")
I never had to make this kind of choice but I can’t help but think it would effect my choice. But I know if someone knowingly kept it from me I would be furious. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/23 "2013-10-03T15:39:25Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It’s funny how this statistic always gets brought out by posters who never, ever seem to have the virus themselves. 😉 It’s almost as if people are scared to just simply point out the fact that it’s a common malady, for fear that others will think _they_ are stricken with it as well. Touche 😛 I do get an occasional cold sore but have somehow been able to avoid transferring it to my wife who I’ve been with for 10 years, so I’m doing something right. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/24 "2013-10-03T15:42:42Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Parental transmission of genital herpes tend to be mother-child during delivery. If you’re getting father to child transmission of genital, there are possibly larger problems at stake. But that problem could be as simple as Mother catching it from Father on her lips (do I need to provide a diagram?) and then kissing the children goodnight weeks or months later. Herpes doesn’t care where it lives. It USED to be that we thought there was oral herpes that liked to live around the mouth and genital herpes that liked to live around the genitals. Turns out that there are two strains, but both will happily live in either spot. It’s definitely not a decision to make lightly, I agree. But I do think most people have an inflated sense of just how contagious it is with simple contact precautions. Of course since I grew up with it in the house, I may have a deflated sense of just how contagious it is despite simple contact precautions, too. Bottom line: this is about the very definition of “a very personal choice”, and not one I’m going to pass judgement on either way. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/25 "2013-10-03T16:15:20Z")
I’ve just found out I have it. Had it for 3 years as it turns out, it’s just mild enough that I didn’t realize what was going on until recently. It’s NBD you guys. Some of you might even have it and not know it. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/26 "2013-10-03T16:22:35Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But that problem could be as simple as Mother catching it from Father on her lips (do I need to provide a diagram?) and then kissing the children goodnight weeks or months later. Herpes doesn’t care where it lives. It USED to be that we thought there was oral herpes that liked to live around the mouth and genital herpes that liked to live around the genitals. Turns out that there are two strains, but both will happily live in either spot. > Bottom line: this is about the very definition of “a very personal choice”, and not one I’m going to pass judgement on either way. I understand that, which is why I used such weasel-words as “tend” and “probably”. In fact I’ve posted that same info (about what was thought of as oral herpes showing up in the genital region) myself. However, in broad strokes, that’s not usually what happening. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/27 "2013-10-03T16:45:54Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Parental transmission of genital herpes tend to be mother-child during delivery. And the infection could mean the difference between a vaginal delivery or the major surgery called a C-section to avoid transmission. That isn’t a minor dilemma to solve. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/28 "2013-10-03T16:52:08Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > And the infection could mean the difference between a vaginal delivery or the major surgery called a C-section to avoid transmission. That isn’t a minor dilemma to solve. Particularly when it results, as it did with my godson, in contracting the herpes virus in the eyes. Mom (who is a nurse), midwife and doc all thought a vaginal delivery was safe, and unfortunately they were wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/29 "2013-10-03T16:59:26Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > :rolleyes: You can roll your eyes all you want, but if my daughter’s father had herpes when I got pregnant there’s a chance she could have it, and as many medical problems as she’s had why would I want more? Why is it eye-rolling to care about your child’s health? Or your own? Is it just crazy-talk that I don’t want to be exposed or expose my baby to a life-long condition? ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/30 "2013-10-03T17:02:50Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Parental transmission of genital herpes tend to be mother-child during delivery. If you’re getting father to child transmission of genital, there are possibly larger problems at stake. Yes, and that happens, doesn’t it? I was molested by my own father for two years so I guess I see the potential problems all around. I’ve had to deal with the memories of that shit for the past 37 years. At least he didn’t give me herpes on top of all that. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/31 "2013-10-03T17:09:02Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But that problem could be as simple as Mother catching it from Father on her lips (do I need to provide a diagram?) and then kissing the children goodnight weeks or months later. Herpes doesn’t care where it lives. It USED to be that we thought there was oral herpes that liked to live around the mouth and genital herpes that liked to live around the genitals. Turns out that there are two strains, but both will happily live in either spot. > > It’s definitely not a decision to make lightly, I agree. But I do think most people have an inflated sense of just how contagious it is with simple contact precautions. Of course since I grew up with it in the house, I may have a deflated sense of just how contagious it is despite simple contact precautions, too. > > Bottom line: this is about the very definition of “a very personal choice”, and not one I’m going to pass judgement on either way. Agreed. I wouldn’t put anyone down for choosing to have a relationship with someone with herpes. It’s not any of my business. I’m not overly-scared of it or anything. My niece recently found out she has it and we lived together. I didn’t worry about her exposing us to it, but I know how traumatic it was for her when she found out she had it and she knew her boyfriend had it but they thought they were careful.It devastated her, and maybe it shouldn’t have since it’s just an occasional rash, but it is a big deal to a 22 year old girl who now has to live with it for the rest of her life. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/32 "2013-10-03T17:14:17Z")
Genital herpes are no joke, especially for women. Children born while the woman is active can be scarred for life, including permanent blindness. If you haven’t done any research on the virus, do so. If you see pictures of some children who have been unfortunate enough to be born through the birth canal of a mother with genital herpes, it will become very clear to you that it isn’t something that should be ignored. If you have it, please tell your potential partner before having sex, including oral sex. You can transmit the virus orally as well as by the genitals, so don’t play around (no pun intended). Even if you have it and think you can feel an attack coming on days before showing any visible signs, you can actually spread it to an unsuspecting partner anyway. There is something called “viral shedding” which can occur with folks who suffer from herpes. That means basically that the person who is carrying the virus would not feel the “tingle” or whatever they feel before an outbreak occurs, and the virus can be transmitted to the partner. I suspect many folks who have genital herpes caught it from a partner who didn’t tell them they had it in the first place, or had sex with a personality the virus thinking it was safe because they weren’t feeling the internal physical symptoms that have been described as a “tingle”. It would not be an absolute deal breaker for me if I was in love with the person. But honesty is important to me, and if she didn’t tell me until _ **after** _ we had sex (including oral) I would walk. It is a serious thing to have, and can have life-long consequences, especially if you don’t end up marrying or committing to the person. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/33 "2013-10-03T17:17:33Z")
Well seeing as how I’m just now getting over a cold sore inside my nose right now, y’all can probably figure how I feel about people who have herpes. I’m seriously stunned that a little cold sore a few times a year (if that) on somebody’s lip or nose would be a deal breaker for people, but, whatever. My mom has it and that’s probably how I got it. My sister has herpes too. I’ve never had a genital outbreak though. Does that make any difference to anyone? Is everyone here just talking about genital outbreaks of herpes? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/34 "2013-10-03T17:17:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **Bob Ducca** : > > I don’t have it but… > [@](#): > > I do get an occasional cold sore but… In other words, you do have it. Nobody ever says they’d refuse to date someone who has occasional cold sores, but cold sores are herpes. For some reason, it’s not the disease itself that people fear, just its name. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/35 "2013-10-03T17:45:55Z")
Does having gotten chicken pox as an adult or child qualify as “having herpes”? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/36 "2013-10-03T17:48:20Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It’s funny how this statistic always gets brought out by posters who never, ever seem to have the virus themselves. 😉 It’s almost as if people are scared to just simply point out the fact that it’s a common malady, for fear that others will think _they_ are stricken with it as well. H2 positive since the mid-1980s; wasn’t THAT a fun time. I am careful whenever I have an outbreak (rare these days) and have knowingly infected only one partner - and that took 14+ years to occur. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/37 "2013-10-03T17:54:07Z")
I had my first outbreak this year at 65yrs old. Type 1 usually associated with cold sores. My girlfriend has had an occassional cold sore over the years so I assume thats where I got it. I take one pill at the first sign and it dissappears. The directions say to take a pill 3 times a day for like 7 days but I just have not found that neccessary. On my first outbreak which was the worst I took about 2 pills a day for 3 days. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/38 "2013-10-03T18:41:48Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’ve never dated someone with herpes but it seems like kind of a high risk venture to be physical with someone who does. Given how many people are asymptomatic and how prevalent it is in the adult population, odds are that you _have_ dated someone with herpes, unless you’ve had very few romantic partners. > [@](#): > > Does having gotten chicken pox as an adult or child qualify as “having herpes”? No. When people say “herpes”, they mean one of the “herpes simplex” varieties, not “herpes zoster”. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/39 "2013-10-03T19:01:56Z")
Not a dealbreaker if it was someone I loved. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239/40 "2013-10-03T19:05:19Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > In other words, you do have it. Nobody ever says they’d refuse to date someone who has occasional cold sores, but cold sores are herpes. For some reason, it’s not the disease itself that people fear, just its name. Let me rephrase my original statement… I do not have genital herpes (Type HSV 1). Most of the time, when somebody is talking about herpes this is what they’re referring to, of course. Also technically there are eight varieties of herpes including Chicken Pox, Shingles, and Mono. If you’ve had Chicken Pox are you supposed to tell people you have herpes? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-potential-love-interest-has-herpes-do-you-move-on/670239.md?page=3)