# If a sadist had a true masochist, would that be more thrilling or less? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 18, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335 "2015-03-18T22:57:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/1 "2015-03-18T22:57:04Z")
First, so no one else has to: Masochist: Hurt me! Sadist: No. Now on to my actual question, inspired by the novel _Kushiel’s Dart_, which many Dopers have probably read: If a true sadist, someone who really got off on someone’s pain, were paired a true masochist, someone who really got off on their own pain, would the sadist think this was better or worse than being paired with someone who hated pain? My instinct says it’s worse, but I’m not an actual sadist, even if my husband thinks I sometimes choose TV shows just to torture him. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/2 "2015-03-18T23:07:12Z")
Also, so no one else has to: > **[b kliban cartoon sadist beats me - Bing](http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=b%2Bkliban%2Bcartoon%2Bsadist%2Bbeats%2Bme&FORM=HDRSC2#view=detail&id=72A8492AECF051EDD2E9B09E67B72BC82A803028&selectedIndex=0)** > > Intelligent search from Bing makes it easier to quickly find what you’re looking for and rewards you. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2015, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/3 "2015-03-18T23:47:41Z")
Not having a dog in the fight either way I would say the preference would be for someone who hated pain. The other just feels too much like kissing your sister; so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/4 "2015-03-19T16:23:35Z")
Depends whether or not it’s consensual. Non-consensual partner would hate pain, but that’s rape, and for fantasy only. Consensual would have to be a true masochist. I’ve been there, and a sadist/masochist interaction isn’t as benign as you seem to think; nothing like “kissing your sister.” Bear in mind that the masochist isn’t merely a passive partner; there’s plenty of active interaction. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/5 "2015-03-19T18:37:34Z")
“A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist.” Arthur Koestler used this joke as a jumping off point into [studying humor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Act_of_Creation). Yes, he goes on and on about the ambiguity of it. Is the sadist doing truly nice things or truly bad things? A waste of time, IMHO. You don’t want to go down that rat hole. ---
**Author:** ![MindsEye\_Watering](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindseye_watering/32/3619_2.png) [@MindsEye\_Watering](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MindsEye_Watering)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/6 "2015-03-19T21:13:21Z")
[Seems to be less](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB7R0ZxNgC4) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/7 "2015-03-20T08:06:29Z")
I’m with **panache**. For it not to be rape, you pretty much have to pair a sadist with a masochist. I always assumed that was why it’s referred to as “sadomasochism.” They’re both part of each other. I can, however, see an idea where a sadist deliberately withholds pain from a masochist, in order to take it to the next level. It would be a form of sexual denial, like orgasm denial. Not my cuppa tea, but I can see it. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/8 "2015-03-20T08:52:12Z")
Depends on the sadist, surely? ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-sadist-had-a-true-masochist-would-that-be-more-thrilling-or-less/715335/9 "2015-03-20T13:06:21Z")
Okay. I’ll go the other way. Pain is pain, no matter if the masochist is enjoying it or not. He is still feeling the pain, so the sadist loves it.