If a tree crashed into you

[Caiata]

When I was younger I was driving along some back country roads on my way to an SCA event, with my car packed with fellow travellers. It was night and there was a very bad thunderstorm but we were running late so we didn’t want to stop and pull over, even though we had very limited visibility. I was going about 35mph along the road when there was a very bright flash of light that blinded us; when my vision recovered, the view through my windshield was nothing but leaves.

I thought I’d driven off the road a bit into a bush or something so I jerked my steering wheel hard to the left and the leaves cleared, only to be replaced by the very bright headlights of an oncoming semi. I swerved back to the right and pulled over; the truck driver pulled over, jumped out of the cab and yelled, “Jesus Christ lady are you all right? That tree fell on your car!”

After a couple of surreal minutes of us yelling at each other about what had just happened – probably more surreal for him than for us, since he was having this discussion with four people in medieval garb – we finally put the puzzle together. Lightning had struck a tree beside the road just as I was approaching it, and I drove through the branches and leaves that were between the trunk and the road as the trunk was crashing down. Had I been going a little bit slower the trunk might have landed on my car or I might have plowed right into it.

So this basically happened to me, without the “undoing itself” thing, and I had witnesses, and STILL people didn’t believe us when we told the story. But I told, and I’d tell again even if the tree was better about covering his tracks. I’d keep telling. Everyone needs to know. Trees are out to get you.

Much later, a branch that had been hanging out in the undercarriage of my car ever since that fateful night got a little ambitious and mucked up my brakes. I found this out when I could no longer stop my car upon approaching a red light at a fairly busy intersection. Fortunately, I am good at Frogger, and therefore did not die or even wreck my car. Me 2, Tree 0.

[multimediac17]

I’d tell everyone I knew, try and get on Oprah, Ellen and The View, write a tell-all book about it and turn the event into millions of dollars.

My book would be called The Tree That Broke Free: How My Life Was Uprooted And How The Seeds Were Planted For My Recovery.

[Bryan_Ekers]

@multimediac17

I’d tell everyone I knew, try and get on Oprah, Ellen and The View, write a tell-all book about it and turn the event into millions of dollars.

My book would be called The Tree That Broke Free: How My Life Was Uprooted And How The Seeds Were Planted For My Recovery.

Extra points if the book’s pages are made from that particular tree.

[Asimovian]

@multimediac17

My book would be called The Tree That Broke Free: How My Life Was Uprooted And How The Seeds Were Planted For My Recovery.

I’ll pick it up at my local library branch.

[multimediac17]

@Bryan_Ekers

Extra points if the book’s pages are made from that particular tree.

I’m saving that for the Limited Collector’s Edition, which comes in a hardwood box set made from the tree, with a special bonus notebook made entirely of the leaves. Only 200 ever made! Only $500! It’s an investment!

[Canadjun]

@Punisher_11B

I have had this question asked to me and I have asked it, and it has always ended up in a debate.

If you were driving home late one night alone and a tree uprooted and jumped on the road in front of you, and you hit it demolishing your car. After, the tree climbed back into it’s hole the way it was before. Would You Tell Anybody Exactly What Happened, or Lie???

Just how high was your blood alcohol level at the time??

[Bryan_Ekers]

I’ll wait for the movie to come out.
In Tree-D.

[multimediac17]

I hear Joaquin Phoenix is playing the tree, and in an unexpected move, will revert to his original stage name “Leaf”.

I’ll be played by outspoaken tree-rights activist Plantonio Banderas.

[Yllaria]

@Asimovian

A tree with a vendetta. I like it. Very Hollywood. What’s the tree’s motivation?

There are two ways to interpret that question, and I’d be interested in the answer to both.

@Malacandra

I’d sic the copse on it.

That is awful. Truly awful.

[Ludovic]

@multimediac17

I hear Joaquin Phoenix is playing the tree, and in an unexpected move, will revert to his original stage name “Leaf”.

But Keanu Reeves would do a better job inhabiting the role.

[Punisher_11B]

@Canadjun

Just how high was your blood alcohol level at the time??

ha ha, no, this has never happened to me. I do not drink and drive, lost too many friends to it.

[EvilTOJ]

I would get out and berate the tree. I mean come on man, I was just driving along minding my own business and you had to go and jump in front of my car like a douche! Not cool! It would sit there and pretend to be a normal tree, but I’d know better. Then I’d tie the remains of the car to the tree and drag it down the road, skinning the bark off as it drags down the road. Then I’d chop it it up with the axe I have in the car (really, I do have one) and listen to it’s bloody screams as I murdered it. It’s last thought will be to pine away for the quiet bliss of the forest as I splinter it to oblivion.

Then I would go get drunk.