# If a woman has a past relationship with a black man she's tainted forever. Why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 5, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743 "2013-07-05T18:45:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Maeganspop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Maeganspop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeganspop)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/181 "2014-05-12T22:49:44Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > You do realize that this is probably more your perception of the events rather than fact, correct? It’s usually best to try to view situation from outside of your own biases to see them clearly. Yes it is my perception. Isn’t everyone making decisions on their perceptions? What biases do I have? Our Goddaughter is mixed race. We deal with a lot of issues with her. Her Mom doesn’t see it. Our Goddaughter’s mother has recently married a white man, which has alienated her even more. She is now in a situation where both parents are white. A sibling is white, and the baby on the way is white. How should she feel? ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/182 "2014-05-12T22:52:23Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > I don’t know if this has been covered. I admit I was lazy and read only the first page. > > I have some experience with seeing the effects of interracial relationships. My wife works for a Boy’s and Girl’s Club. I have nothing against people who truly love each other being together. Everyone should be as happy as they can be. But, do you think of what might happen from your relationship? I admit I live in the rural south, but I would imagine this happens elsewhere as well. > > A mixed race child has some tremendous challenges to overcome. In my experience, they are not truly White, Black, Hispanic, Asian (I admit here I have not seen that. Asian I mean. Just a guess.). They are sometimes ostracized by one race or another. They express their feelings that that don’t belong. It is heartbreaking. You want to just grab them and give them a big hug and tell them they will succeed in whatever it is they want to do. Mixed race kids try so hard to fit in, but they are frequently (definitely not always.) pushed to the side by race du jour. You’re projecting the defining differences of your own social context onto all other social contexts. I agree that every group will split roughly along certain lines, but those aren’t always - or even mostly - racial, even if they have been in your experience. I went to international schools, and the primary definer that split people into rough groups wasn’t race at all - it was first language. The French-speaking kids tended to cluster together, regardless of race or racial mixture; same for the English-speaking kids, Italian-speaking, whatever. There just wasn’t room for race to be a factor. A mixed-race French speaker had a wayyyyy easier time finding a group, since there were plenty of other French speakers, than a pure white Hungarian kid would’ve when there were no other Hungarian speakers. Do you think no one should speak Hungarian because of that? ---
**Author:** ![VeronicaVanity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/74df32/32.png) [@VeronicaVanity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VeronicaVanity)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/183 "2014-05-12T22:53:49Z")
Personally I haven’t heard much about girls dating black guys and there being a whole tainted stigma. Its usually white women who dated Indian/Pakistani guys are called white trash and are looked down on so to speak ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/184 "2014-05-12T23:33:08Z")
I know that when I was in the navy and saw women with black guys I automatically figured they wouldn’t be interested in me. Usually I figured that once they were seeing black guys that that was going to be all they were interested in. Not sure if that was true, but that’s how I generally saw things (at least at that time). But I never got around to asking any of them about it so I don’t know, for sure, what their motivations were. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2014, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/185 "2014-05-12T23:46:03Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > How should she feel? You seem to be suggesting that she should wish she had not been born. It’s the wrong question. The right question is what are other people doing to make her feel bad. Or else you are just Donald Sterling, someone who hides his prejudice behind the surrender of “That’s the society I have to live in.” You seem to be suggesting that when society is sick, we should just go along with that sickness. Had that been the case, nothing would ever have changed for the good. The reason things are better now is because people were willing to challenge society’s norms. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/186 "2014-05-13T13:02:53Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > I have some experience with seeing the effects of interracial relationships. My wife works for a Boy’s and Girl’s Club. I have nothing against people who truly love each other being together. Everyone should be as happy as they can be. But, do you think of what might happen from your relationship? I admit I live in the rural south, but I would imagine this happens elsewhere as well. That’s not the effect of interracial couples. That’s the effect of bigoted individuals. Those bigoted individuals need to be challenged and their ideas removed from society. That’s the ultimate outcome of such a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/187 "2014-05-13T13:09:36Z")
> [@John\_Doe](#): > > I’m a white male racist so I think I can answer your question for you. The simple answer is because these white women are low-life bestiality whores. They are attracted to men from a race that when left to themselves results in a black African country or an American inner city. > . . . Seriously? I find it very hard to believe that no one had signed up here under the username of “John Doe” until now. I wonder why? Really, we have had every other variety of “anonymous” already. I would have thought that “John Doe” would have been taken before October 1999. ---
**Author:** ![Maeganspop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Maeganspop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeganspop)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/188 "2014-05-13T22:05:28Z")
> [@Krouget](#): > > That’s not the effect of interracial couples. That’s the effect of bigoted individuals. Those bigoted individuals need to be challenged and their ideas removed from society. > > That’s the ultimate outcome of such a relationship. If only that could be done. > [@Acsenray](#): > > You seem to be suggesting that she should wish she had not been born. What the Hell? I love that child, but we can not convince her Mom that she is having problems with what has happened since her Mom married. The girl refuses to talk to her Mom about it. When my Wife and I talk to the Mom about it, she says that everything is fine. Grrrr! And also to the poster above, all of the kids at The Club speak English. The kid’s try to segregate themselves, the staff does try to get the kid’s to mix together. The kid’s that the staff and I (volunteer) see that have the hardest time, are the kid’s that look mixed race (just Black and White mixed, doesn’t seem to be as hard for the mixed Hispanic races. Not sure why.). Sure the kid’s are probably brought up by bigoted parents. Trying to get the kid’s to drop those types of preconceptions is harder than it sounds. Also to everyone that has had a problem with my post, I didn’t say it happens everywhere. Just be sure to think about this if you are in an area where it happens. Volunteer with kids (doesn’t have to be the Boys & Girls Club) and if you see this type of thing happening, help them the best way that you are able. It will probably never go away, but maybe it will be very rare. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/189 "2014-05-14T03:58:21Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > Also to everyone that has had a problem with my post, I didn’t say it happens everywhere. Just be sure to think about this if you are in an area where it happens. So that we can be sure to… ? ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/190 "2014-05-14T06:02:48Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > I don’t know if this has been covered. I admit I was lazy and read only the first page. > > I have some experience with seeing the effects of interracial relationships. My wife works for a Boy’s and Girl’s Club. I have nothing against people who truly love each other being together. Everyone should be as happy as they can be. But, do you think of what might happen from your relationship? I admit I live in the rural south, but I would imagine this happens elsewhere as well. > > A mixed race child has some tremendous challenges to overcome. In my experience, they are not truly White, Black, Hispanic, Asian (I admit here I have not seen that. Asian I mean. Just a guess.). They are sometimes ostracized by one race or another. They express their feelings that that don’t belong. It is heartbreaking. You want to just grab them and give them a big hug and tell them they will succeed in whatever it is they want to do. Mixed race kids try so hard to fit in, but they are frequently (definitely not always.) pushed to the side by race du jour. So … because the mother is failing in her role to provide a healthy happy situation for her child… and I’m assuming the stepfather is NOT doing his best to provide a healthy happy situation for his step-daughter… I should tread lightly in my situation… with my mixed race child on the way? It sounds to me like someone who purchased a house and failed to take care of it… should i not purchase a house? You projecting parenting failure onto the concept of mixed race children are seemingly doomed. My son who’s from my previous marriage has to navigate a largely wealthy white private school… issues can come up… but you know what… YOU PARENT… that’s what you do. You don’t avoid the work… you strengthen your child… support them… love them… That’s what you do… Projecting some societal narrative to explain away parenting failure is a non starter in my book… That child isn’t victimized by society’s bigots…she’s victimized by poor parenting from what you communicated… ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/191 "2014-05-14T14:40:32Z")
You know that a majority of Black people in the United States are mixed race, right? Is it just kids with one White parent and one Black parent that are mixed race? This comes as a surprise to some White people, but just about every Black family in America has a couple of people with White parents and grandparents. It’s just dead common. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/192 "2014-05-14T14:43:45Z")
Of course, the answer to the question is that some men feel they own women, and a woman making her own choice of partner is intolerable to them. ---
**Author:** ![Maeganspop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Maeganspop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeganspop)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/193 "2014-05-14T15:14:49Z")
Everyone can nitpick my posts all they want. All I originally said was that mixed race couples should think of the outcome of their relationship, along with why. If they will be good parents and take care of their kid, more power too them. Please be sure to watch for any sign the child is having a problem fitting in, please. I just see that these kids (not all of them) have more problems then others trying to belong to any group. Those that are telling me “My Kids…”, tell me your experiences with 100’s of kids. Any teachers wish to talk about this? Am I completely wrong and am in a singularity? I mean surely this doesn’t just happen in this one town. And yes I know, other kids will have problems fitting in for one reason or another. The subject of this thread was mixed race couples though. Actually, I know it was about a White woman being supposedly tainted by dating a Black guy. What made me respond was the fact that my heart breaks for the kids who have problems integrating with groups of kids because of something they had no control over. I love kids. I was only blessed with one, but I consider all of those kids at the Club my own (not in a creepy way). I want them all to be happy and successful (whatever the kid decides the conditions of that are) and try my hardest to make it so. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/194 "2014-05-14T15:20:15Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > Everyone can nitpick my posts all they want. All I originally said was that mixed race couples should think of the outcome of their relationship, along with why. I think everyone should think of the outcome of their relationships. Stupid parents are likely to have stupid kids, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Maeganspop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Maeganspop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeganspop)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/195 "2014-05-14T15:27:09Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I think everyone should think of the outcome of their relationships. > > Stupid parents are likely to have stupid kids, for instance. Did you even read the rest of the post? You know, like maybe this part? > [@Maeganspop](#): > > And yes I know, other kids will have problems fitting in for one reason or another. The subject of this thread was mixed race couples though. Actually, I know it was about a White woman being supposedly tainted by dating a Black guy. ---
**Author:** ![nevadaexile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nevadaexile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevadaexile)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/196 "2014-05-14T15:28:54Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I think everyone should think of the outcome of their relationships. > > Stupid parents are likely to have stupid kids, for instance. Yes…they often do. Anyway, I never see White men rejecting White women because they had a relationship with a lower class **White** male. Even if the guy was a criminal or a non-shirt wearing hillbilly (e.g. A son of the soil) he’s apparently perceived to be much better (or better in any manner) than someone who is Black. Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/197 "2014-05-14T15:30:32Z")
> [@Maeganspop](#): > > Did you even read the rest of the post? You know, like maybe this part? Preemptively attempting to deflect attention from the problem with your argument doesn’t actually deflect attention from the problem with your argument. And when you admit that you are off-topic in the thread, it’s pretty hard to see your argument as anything but concern trolling. Folk in interracial relationships get that a lot. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/198 "2014-05-14T15:33:03Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > Yes…they often do. > > Anyway, I never see White men rejecting White women because they had a relationship with a lower class **White** male. Even if the guy was a criminal or a non-shirt wearing hillbilly (e.g. A son of the soil) he’s apparently perceived to be much better (or better in any manner) than someone who is Black. > > Hmm… Quite a mystery, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/199 "2014-05-14T15:34:58Z")
What about Asian men? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2014, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743/200 "2014-05-14T15:46:56Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I think it’s pretty hard to answer a question like the OPs when there’s no actual evidence for it other than his word. > > Especially since someone upthread said she hasn’t noticed it, and the OP pulled out the “well, you wouldn’t have noticed it” argument. > > Then Amateur Barbarian brings in another unprovable argument. He’s already dismissed the idea that “one or two” “first-rate” white women in interracial relationships would invalidate his theory, and “first-rate” gets to be defined any way he wants to define it in order to prove that only really inferior white women would ever get into relationships with black men. > > What a thread. I’ll say. Even the phrasing of the title reveals racism: If **a woman** has a past relationship with **a black man** … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-a-woman-has-a-past-relationship-with-a-black-man-shes-tainted-forever-why/662743.md?page=11)