# If animals could talk **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 17, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626 "2013-05-17T20:38:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/21 "2013-05-18T04:11:20Z")
“SQUIRREL!” woof ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/22 "2013-05-18T05:12:19Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > . . . cats would all sound like Zsa Zsa Gábor. I have a male cat and a female cat. You have insulted both of them. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/23 "2013-05-18T05:20:42Z")
My two cats: HIM: Tell her to stop being so fucking stupid all the time! HER: Tell him to cover up his shit in the box! HIM: Tell her to stop walking around with pieces of shit stuck to her hairy ass. HER: Tell him to cover up his shit in the box! HIM: Tell her to stop cozying up to me when I’m sleeping! HER: Tell him to cover up his shit in the box! HIM: Tell her to stop puking in the food bowl! HER: Tell him to cover up his shit in the box! ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/24 "2013-05-18T06:54:46Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Some dogs already have jobs (guide dogs, police dogs.) Beat me to it. Anyway, dogs (and cats, and other animals) already “talk” too, humans just need to learn their language. And also recognize that what’s important or interesting to a human is not the same as what’s important and interesting to a dog or cat. Having lived with my cat for over a decade, I understand him perfectly well. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/25 "2013-05-18T08:27:17Z")
[If we could talk to animals.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UHKB6nQrzM) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/26 "2013-05-18T13:13:04Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > Dogs would speak with Brooklyn accents and cats would all sound like Zsa Zsa Gábor. Weird. As I’m reading this I’ve got The Aristocats playing on the TV. It doesn’t have Zsa Zsa but it does have Eva. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![artemis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/91b2a8/32.png) [@artemis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/artemis)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/27 "2013-05-18T14:18:35Z")
Very interesting about the prairie dog "language!’ > [@GIGObuster](#): > > What is surprising is that with other animals it has not been possible to get such decoding, I know it’s been done for vervet monkeys (and I think crows as well). Some vervets can even “lie” by using a false danger call signal to trick their fellow troop mates to move away from a desired food item. You can learn more about vervet “language” in [How Monkeys See the World](http://www.amazon.com/How-Monkeys-See-World-Another/dp/0226102467). It’s an older book, so I’m sure even more is known about vervet calls now. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/28 "2013-05-18T15:38:57Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Weird. As I’m reading this I’ve got The Aristocats playing on the TV. It doesn’t have Zsa Zsa but it does have Eva. 🙂 They couldn’t afford Zsa Zsa. They settled for a cheap sitcom star. Anyway, according to the Far Side, science has [decoded](http://www.whichdog101.com/2011/03/the-far-side-dog-translation.html) dog language. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/29 "2013-05-18T17:11:21Z")
> [@artemis](#): > > Very interesting about the prairie dog "language!’ > > I know it’s been done for vervet monkeys (and I think crows as well). Some vervets can even “lie” by using a false danger call signal to trick their fellow troop mates to move away from a desired food item. > > You can learn more about vervet “language” in [How Monkeys See the World](http://www.amazon.com/How-Monkeys-See-World-Another/dp/0226102467). It’s an older book, so I’m sure even more is known about vervet calls now. I should had checked the clip, it is hard but as you report there are surprising developments in understanding the language of other critters, in the QI clip of the Prairie Dogs, it is reported that a professor at Oxford did a similar thing decoding a few bits of the language of a type of frog. https://www.youtube.com/embed/Cau_3_AFMbU?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque > [@](#): > > [Prairie dog] Alan! Alan! Alan! “Oh wait It’s not Alan, it’s Steve”!.. Steve! Steve! Steve!. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/30 "2013-05-18T17:18:23Z")
Blackjack is smarter than the average Rhode Islander. So I’d say an 8 year old mind for a dog is just about right. ---
**Author:** ![artemis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/91b2a8/32.png) [@artemis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/artemis)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/31 "2013-05-18T18:17:01Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > I should had checked the clip, it is hard but as you report there are surprising developments in understanding the language of other critters, in the QI clip of the Prairie Dogs, it is reported that a professor at Oxford did a similar thing decoding a few bits of the language of a type of frog. The more we study animal communication, the more we realize we’ve been seriously underestimating the cognitive capacities of many species. They may not have the full symbolic speech of our own species, but they are still able to communicate fairly sophisticated information. It’s more a difference of degree rather than of kind. ---
**Author:** ![Docta\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Docta\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Docta_G)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/32 "2013-05-18T19:10:34Z")
A group of wealthy benefactors once taught a monkey to act like he’s the president of the United States of America, so I suppose many things are possible. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/33 "2013-05-18T19:11:08Z")
It would be bad. [Tobermory](http://homepage.ntu.edu.tw/~karchung/Tobermory.pdf), by Saki ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/34 "2013-12-18T20:43:38Z")
Apologies for resurrecting a zombie but I came across a video today that reminded me of this thread. > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > There’s probably some instinct involved due to selective breeding involved. Even feral domestic cats are the result of millennia of selective breeding & evolution; the fact that they are willing to move in among humans and are far less shy towards us than their wild relatives for example. It likely has ancestors that had problems and had the same go-to-a-human impulse, who survived and bred because of it. After all, look at _it_ - any offspring it has are going to inherit any instinctive tendency to go to humans for help that it has, because it worked. I agree that you’re probably right regarding the cat but in this video a wild-fox ‘approaches’ two men for help, or at least doesn’t run away as they approach. https://www.youtube.com/embed/OWRJOatHy3M?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque A wild fox wouldn’t have any instinctual reason to approach humans would it? One of those videos that helps restore your faith in humanity as well that one. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/35 "2013-12-18T21:15:50Z")
> [@Docta\_G](#): > > A group of wealthy benefactors once taught a monkey to act like he’s the president of the United States of America, so I suppose many things are possible. So they didn’t really have to train it all, you say? This is not a racist joke. Sorry if it came off that way. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/36 "2013-12-18T21:25:10Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Beat me to it. > > Anyway, dogs (and cats, and other animals) already “talk” too, humans just need to learn their language. And also recognize that what’s important or interesting to a human is not the same as what’s important and interesting to a dog or cat. > > Having lived with my cat for over a decade, I understand him perfectly well. This. Cats and dogs can communicate perfectly well - obviously, they are not engaging in abstract discussions, but they certainly communicate, through a combination of vocalizations, body language, eye signals, etc. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/37 "2013-12-19T07:16:23Z")
I have had at least two dogs, that if I had neglected to fill their water bowls, would go stand in front of the kitchen sink and stare at the faucet. They had made the leap that the water in their bowls had come from the faucet, apparently by observing humans take their bowl to the sink to fill it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/38 "2013-12-19T09:14:01Z")
> [@Section\_Maker\_Jupe](#): > > As a part of my job,I care for about 50 small crow sized parrots, they of course mimic language, (and our dogs barking) but use it with any understanding, as far as I can tell. Most all the parrots dont use language, except perhaps the trained birds like Alex the African gray, who seems to speak and comprehend like a 2 to 4 year old human. She seemed to understand some degree of symbolic logic as well. If you want a bird to utilize language rather than just mimic you have to work one-on-one with the bird on a daily basis, so I’m not entirely surprised your flock of 50 don’t do so, as I have trouble imagining they’re being given the intense attention required. I currently have a conure that _does_ use some words and phrases in proper context. He identifies certain people, has greetings for different occasions, and makes requests, pretty much just for food. A two word “sentence” seems to be his limit, and by that I mean he’ll string together two, well, call them “language units” sometimes. Note I didn’t say “words”. When I come home from work and he says “Did you miss me?” he doesn’t understand that as four separate words. He understands that as “sound made upon seeing member of the flock after being absent most of the day”. One of the better sentences I’ve seen him use is “Step up. Good girl.” usually said to one of the other birds when I’m coming to collect the “flock”. He’ll command the other bird to get on my finger, then add the praising phrase when the other bird complies. It’s interesting that the other birds understand and obey “step up” whether it comes from a human or another bird. But, it seems clear to me, that my birds have their own agenda. If they were as fluent in English as the household humans are they wouldn’t necessarily have conversations the humans found interesting. A lot of it would be requests for food, and they might or might not have TV requests. Which, comes to think of it, could also describe my spouse many nights of the week… ---
**Author:** ![Dereknocue67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dereknocue67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dereknocue67)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/39 "2013-12-19T10:16:45Z")
If dogs could talk I think their vocabulary might be limited to: Feed me Outside Let me in now Feed me Ball. Throw now! Feed me More food! And finally, after sitting in front of and staring at you for hours (with you wondering why in the old pre-vocal dog days the dog finally reveals its thoughts) it says, “The last time I was outside, I ate own shit!” ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626/40 "2013-12-19T10:56:59Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > 1. Word pairs - around eighteen months - putting two words together to express a new concept: where kitty?, big truck, want down > > Koko communicates at about level 3. She can combine a couple of signs together to do something like call a swan a “water bird” or a ring a “finger bracelet”. But this appears to be her limit. > > Koko also has a vocabulary of maybe two thousand words she understands and she only uses about a thousand herself. An average five year old child entering school has a vocabulary of about ten thousand words and will learn about three thousand new words each year. For a creature with a nonhuman communications center in their brain level 3 is pretty damned impressive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-animals-could-talk/658626.md?page=3)