# "If any of you know cause as to why these two should not be wed..." in real life **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 18, 2011, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592 "2011-12-18T00:05:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/61 "2011-12-20T15:32:48Z")
Yes, please - the more details, the better! ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/62 "2011-12-20T16:24:52Z")
> [@a35362](#): > > Would you have to produce the death certificate? Nope. see the [marriage licence](http://www.qp.gov.sk.ca/documents/Forms/M4-1R1-B.pdf), on page 2: > [@](#): > > 1. Statement of Marital Status > >  I have never been married. > >  I am widowed. My former spouse died on > > * * * > > date > at \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ > place > >  I am divorced. I presented to the Issuer of Marriage Licences a Decree Absolute of Divorce/Certificate of Divorce. Dunno why the difference. Maybe because death is more certain, while being divorced is a legal state? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/63 "2011-12-20T22:14:37Z")
> [@shantih](#): > > I’m enormously intrigued. Can you expand on this? Sounds like a memorable wedding! > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Yes, please - the more details, the better! Well, I’m sure the stories in your head are much more entertaining than reality was! Still, best I can remember and details changed to protect the guilty and embarrassed… Daddy was upset that his little girl was not really his little girl anymore. Groom didn’t ask his permission, Bride walked herself down the aisle, no one asked him his opinion on a dad-blamed thing for this shindig he was paying for, etc. etc. Daddy also got the revelry part of the day started early, and by the time we were ready to start the ceremony was most of the way through a bottle of Jack Daniels. The big bottle. So I get to that line and Daddy jumps up sluryelling that his little baby and the [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted][expletive incoherent][expletive anatomically impossible] groom, whose parentage Daddy called into question, couldn’t get married. There was no real “impediment”, just a dad who finally heard a question, delivered more or less in his direction, and chose to make his opinion of the situation known. So I shot a look at the bride, who was in the middle of wishing that a large hole would open in the earth’s crust and swallow her alive, and it was obvious that this was not entirely unexpected (although no one thought to warn me of the possibility!). With a few carefully placed eyebrow wags and nods, I invited two fairly big ushers to take Daddy for a short walk out of earshot, and then I babbled desperately for a few minutes about the bonds of family and the new focus that marriage bring into people’s life and the sometimes struggles to balance your obligations to your family of origin and your family of creation, as it were. How there are rings of support around this couple, first each other, then their families, then the gathering of people here, then the larger community, the city, the state, etc. etc. How sometimes those we hope will support us won’t, and that we need to learn to turn to our own strengths and each other for support. Or something like that. I kept talking until the bride (the earth was disobliging) and groom finally got their color back and segued back to the matter at hand and we finished off the ceremony. By the time we were done, there were cheers and tears (like every good wedding should have) and Daddy was passed out in the cloakroom. Literally. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/64 "2011-12-21T01:53:13Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Dunno why the difference. Maybe because death is more certain, while being divorced is a legal state? Possibly because it’s easier to confirm a death? Besides the records in each state, there is the Social Security Death Index which has that information. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/65 "2011-12-21T01:58:01Z")
It was not said at my wedding, but I liked what the minister did say. After the vows, when we had already been declared married, the minister addressed us and said “If you know of anything that would divide your heart and soul from each other, let it now be left behind to the mercy of God” ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/66 "2011-12-21T02:35:29Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Possibly because it’s easier to confirm a death? > Besides the records in each state, there is the Social Security Death Index which has that information. which is irrelevant in Canada. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/67 "2011-12-21T02:47:25Z")
Recently at a Quaker wedding in the UK we weren’t asked if we had any objections, but after the bride and groom said they “did”, we were all asked if we would support their union and we all had to say “we do” too! It was really sweet 🙂 I don’t know if that is standard Quaker stuff? It seems similar to **The Lovely Margo Lane** ’s take on things… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lovely\_Margo\_Lane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/34f0e0/32.png) [@The\_Lovely\_Margo\_Lane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lovely_Margo_Lane)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/68 "2011-12-21T22:55:58Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > Recently at a Quaker wedding in the UK we weren’t asked if we had any objections, but after the bride and groom said they “did”, we were all asked if we would support their union and we all had to say “we do” too! It was really sweet 🙂 I don’t know if that is standard Quaker stuff? It seems similar to **The Lovely Margo Lane** ’s take on things… Wow, that is sweet. I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/69 "2011-12-22T03:52:38Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Well, I’m sure the stories in your head are much more entertaining than reality was! Still, best I can remember and details changed to protect the guilty and embarrassed… Thanks! Very interesting. Did you ever hear later if dad was apologetic, if bride chewed him a new one, if the marriage endured, etc.? ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/70 "2011-12-22T04:25:01Z")
> [@psychonaut](#): > > Well, I can speak for Waltham Forest, which last spring had less than a half dozen venues to choose from, none of which as I recall were hotels. (There are hardly any hotels at all in Waltham Forest, as our guests found out.) A colleague of mine was married in another London borough last year (forget which one; somewhere in the west) and he found his choice of venues similarly limited. Ah, well, I think that speaks more about the lack of big venues/ hotels in that borough than anything to do with marriage licenses - I thought you were suggesting the council restricted the number of licenses they dish out. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/71 "2011-12-22T14:46:35Z")
My first marriage was performed in an Episcopalian church back in 1999, and the “speak now or forever hold your peace” line was used. (Or something along that lines, I don’t remember the exact wording.) During the wedding rehearsal, someone asked the reverend what exactly would happen if someone elected NOT to hold their peace, and he explained that the ceremony would be halted, we would proceed to a small room off to one side of the sanctuary that he pointed out, he would listen to any evidence or look over any paperwork that would indicate that the marriage would be illegal, and if nothing was found, proceed to finish the ceremony. The reverend also boasted to us that of all the couples he’d married, none had yet to divorce. Our marriage was over in less than five years. LOL. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/72 "2011-12-22T15:15:13Z")
When I got married (a couple of decades ago) the priest told us that we had the option of having this said or not. He explained where it came from (basically, a socially polite way of asking “does anyone know if either of thee bozos is married somewhere else or has some other legal reason why we shouldn’t do this”) and said that most folks don’t have it said any more. However, some folks wanted it just because it’s in the old fashioned “traditional” ceremony. We opted not to have it. ETA: Catholic church, btw. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/73 "2011-12-22T16:02:08Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > Recently at a Quaker wedding in the UK we weren’t asked if we had any objections, but after the bride and groom said they “did”, we were all asked if we would support their union and we all had to say “we do” too! It was really sweet 🙂 I don’t know if that is standard Quaker stuff? It seems similar to **The Lovely Margo Lane** ’s take on things… Dunno about Quakers, but this is also part of the Episcopalian wedding liturgy. Here are excerpts from the Book of Common Prayer: > [@](#): > > _Then the Celebrant, facing the people and the persons to be married, > with the woman to the right and the man to the left, addresses the > congregation and says_ > > [snip] > > Into this holy union N.N.. and N.N.. now come to be joined. > If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be > married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace. > > _Then the Celebrant says to the persons to be married_ > > I require and charge you both, here in the presence of God, > that if either of you know any reason why you may not be > united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with God’s > Word, you do now confess it. > > _The Celebrant says to the woman_ > > N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live > together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, > comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; > and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you > both shall live? > > _The Woman answers_ > I will. > > _The Celebrant says to the man_ > > N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live > together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, > comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; > and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you > both shall live? > > _The Man answers_ > I will. > > _The Celebrant then addresses the congregation, saying_ > > Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your > power to uphold these two persons in their marriage? > > \*People \* We will. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/74 "2011-12-22T16:34:05Z")
About 13 or 14 years ago I knew a co-worked had attended a wedding over the weekend and I asked her about it the following Monday. “Best wedding ever” she declared. She said when the Reverand asked “If any of you know cause…” the bride announced to the church that since the Groom and the Maid of Honor had screwed each other the night before that the wedding was off and for everyone, sans Groom’s friends and family, to meet her at so and so bar. My friend was still in awe over the whole affair but did apparently have a great time, albeit a departure from what had been expected. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592/75 "2011-12-28T21:16:20Z")
Timely video at [i-am-bored](http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=67012). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-any-of-you-know-cause-as-to-why-these-two-should-not-be-wed-in-real-life/606592.md?page=3)