# If anyone tells me what to do with my butt... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 17, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185 "2001-09-17T16:19:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/21 "2001-09-18T19:50:33Z")
My weiner is an “innie”. Just thought I’d share. USA! USA! USA! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/22 "2001-09-18T19:50:52Z")
Naw, the ultra-partiotism is new, but the ass references are pretty much stock-in-trade around here all the time, IMHO. Of course, I could just be talking out of my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/23 "2001-09-18T20:07:23Z")
Ass ass ass ass Ass ass ass ass Lovely ass! Wonderful ass! ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/24 "2001-09-18T20:24:57Z")
I remember in the “Welcome Back Kotter” days, it was pretty popular to say “Up your nose with a rubber hose.” It wouldn’t have had the same effect to hear Vinnie Barberino saying, “Shove it up your ass, Kotter, you goat felching fucknugget.” Ooooooh! Ooooooooh! Mister Kot-TEAR!! ---
**Author:** ![naughty\_wicked\_zoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@naughty\_wicked\_zoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naughty_wicked_zoot)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/25 "2001-09-18T20:41:31Z")
can’t…type…laughing…so hard…(gasp)…(heeheehee)…tears…coming…out…my…ASS!!! BWAHAAHAHHAAAHHAH!!! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/26 "2001-09-18T23:13:14Z")
Rectal obsession, my ass! Robin ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/27 "2001-09-19T03:14:57Z")
\ Why does everything tonight have to do with things going into or coming out of my ass?! \ I think it all goes back to Dragonblink’s Rule of Life #1: “God doesn’t shit caramel macchiatos.” ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/28 "2001-09-19T03:45:51Z")
_snort_ I’m laughing my ass off, here. Thanks, y’all; I needed that. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/29 "2001-09-19T05:25:22Z")
Hey, didn’t Eddie Murphy do a rap song called the Butt Boogie or something like that that went “put some bees up your butt, put a tree up you butt…” Anyone remember that? ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/30 "2001-09-19T08:12:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mouthbreather \* > \*\*My weiner is an “innie”. > > Just thought I’d share. > > USA! USA! USA! \*\* Um…I’ve, uh…sorta kinda…got a condom question fer ya when ya got a minute… ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/31 "2001-09-19T08:53:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by They Call Me Sneeze \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > > \*\* > > > > Post #4: USA! USA! > > > > \*\* > > As great a scene I get in my head from your scene, tdn, _this_ is the one is going to get me for a while to come. The timing of poster number four’s appearance, the essence of what he added to the pretendpost - comic brilliance. I think it’s the funniest thing I have ever read on the boards, and definitly the funniest thing in the pit \*\* Agreed. I have to be fair and say that I’ve read some pretty funny shit on the 'boards but this one line, for the reasons you pointed out, has got to be in the top 5. I screamed. USA! USA! USA! ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/32 "2001-09-19T10:54:22Z")
Lower intestine Duodenum Colon Spastic Colon High Colonic Colostomy bag Distended sphincter Proctologist Gerbil Enema Lube For reference. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/33 "2001-09-19T11:36:19Z")
I have to agreewith **They Call Me Sneeze** and **Cisco** - that was one of the funniest lines I’ve ever read. USA! USA! I’m still laughing. [sub]ass[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/34 "2001-09-19T14:47:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > Um…I’ve, uh…sorta kinda…got a condom question fer ya when ya got a minute… \*\* When I’m ready for love, I use a thimble. Convex side in, of course. Always use a jimmy-hat, kids. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/35 "2001-09-19T15:05:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > \*\* And the suggestions of what people do with their rectal areas shows a real lack of imagination and tact. > > \*\* Aw, you’re just getting your suggestions from the wrong people. Come on over, it won’t hurt a bit – you’ll really like it! I swear! ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/36 "2001-09-19T18:08:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pkbites \* > \*\*Hey, didn’t Eddie Murphy do a rap song called the Butt Boogie or something like that that went “put some bees up your butt, put a tree up you butt…” > > Anyone remember that? \*\* It’s called “Boogie In Your Butt,” and I’ve been Googling for the lyrics with no success. However, I did find a site where you may be able to listen to the lyrics: [http://www.angelfire.com/ok3/foxybabezcomedy/comedy.html](http://www.angelfire.com/ok3/foxybabezcomedy/comedy.html) ---
**Author:** ![CyberHippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@CyberHippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CyberHippy)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/37 "2001-09-19T23:19:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by furt \* > **…Duodenum…** Ya know, there’s a word we just don’t hear enough of around here! In the spirit of Frank Zappa, I’m gonna find a way to sneak it into my next rant. ---
**Author:** ![jaimest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@jaimest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaimest)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/38 "2001-09-19T23:42:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \* > \*\* > But everybody has an ass. > > \*\* Speak for yourself! The assless have rights too you know. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/39 "2001-09-20T01:13:51Z")
I was doing okay until my American Way of War prof said “USA! USA! USA!” and the answer I had to stiffle was “ass, ass, ass, ass, ass” Yes, I did put my pencil down and laugh into my notebook for about three minutes. (He was using the phrase to act out patriotism, so he was being appropriate to the lecture. Then again, in my mind, so was I.) ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185/40 "2001-09-20T01:57:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CyberHippy \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by furt \* > > **…Duodenum…** > > Ya know, there’s a word we just don’t hear enough of around here! In the spirit of Frank Zappa, I’m gonna find a way to sneak it into my next rant. \*\* This reminded me of something, and it won’t get out of my head until I share it: > [@](#): > > splee-ee-EE-ee, ee-EE-ee-ee-en, femur ulna brain, > splee-ee-EE-ee, ee-EE-ee-ee-en, femur ulna brain… > > DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um, > DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um, DU-o-DEN-um… > > - Kibo, ‘The Lion Digests Tonight’ Thank you for your tolerance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-anyone-tells-me-what-to-do-with-my-butt/82185.md?page=3)