### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/1 "2001-05-16T17:17:22Z")
(Rodney Dangerfield)
Wow, baby, this place is a _riot_. đ No, seriously :rolleyes: I havenât seen discussions this exciting since my college days when the guys sat around the frat house discussing the tragedies of Aeschylus. :rolleyes: Hey, no kiddinâ. đ I feel like runninâ over to Great Debates and opening a thread on Japanese relations with Poland in the 13th century. 'Course, if I did, some asshole would link me to the prior discussion from 1978. :eek:
I donât know why I donât get no respect. The other day I walked into a Pit thread. Big mistake. Woah, boy. Big mistake. There was some lady complaining about her menstral cycle. I tried to be sympathetic. I said, âWhy donât you just plug it up?â Next thing I know, some guy named Esprit starts reading me the riot act! So I says to him, âHey, whatâs it to you? Youâre not a woman.â He says, âLook, moron. I got your woman right here.â Ho, boy. I know a woman when I see it, and that big one-eyed thing ainât no woman! Ouch! Hey, donât hit me with that thing! Cut it out! Shees! :rolleyes: Thatâs the last time I try to help some bitch in heat. :mad:
I just donât get no respect. I went over to General Questions. I posted a thread called, âWho has the biggest tits on Straight Dope?â If that ainât a general question, I donât know what is! Next thing I know, some goon name Chronos closed it down. He says, âPlease see our rules.â Okay, I go see the rules. The say âdonât be a jerkâ. So I go back to GQ and open a thread called âHow come Chronos gets to be a jerk?â đ Heâs the guy that closed my thread. I think thatâs a jerky thing to do! đ Now he closes _that_ thread. He tells me to take my complaint to the Pit. The hell with that. I ainât goinâ anywhere _near_ that Pit again, baby.
So I go over to Great Debates. I start a thread there called âWhoâs tits are bigger, Dolly Parton or Marylin Monroe?â I run into some guy named âLibâ. Great name for a guy, right? Lib? Short for Libby, I guess. :rolleyes: Anyway, he tells me that peaceful poopy people outta be allowed to do something or other, and I says, âLook, Iâm just out for some T&A, okay?â He copies and pastes every frigginâ _word_, and posts about two pages worth oâ crap about every single one of âem. After he got done with me, I felt like I was Genghis Kahn and Hitler all rolled into one. :eek: I checked all my closets to be sure I had no government thugs hiding there. Shees, that guyâs got paranoia cominâ out the ass! đ
So anyways, here I am where I belong. Iâm mindless, Iâm pointless, and hey, Iâm still willing to share myself with any women out there! Come one, come all. Big tits or small. đ But no bitches in heat, okay. Boy, I just donât get no respect.
---
### Author:  [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/2 "2001-05-16T18:03:27Z")
\
YO, GO F\*CK YOURSELVES YOU FAGS! I RAPE YOU ASS, I RAPE YOU ASSWOMAN! I AM BIGMAN, IAMBIGMAN, YOU ARE SMALL! HAHAHAHAHA, I AM GREAT HACKER! HAHAHAHAHA, I KILL EVERY COMPUTER I CAN. HAHAHAHAHA,. YOU DIE; AHJAHAHAHAHAHA!
â M. Mathers
p.s. Sorry about the language
---
### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/3 "2001-05-16T18:19:58Z")
Tom Cruise:
No! Iâm not gay!
---
### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/4 "2001-05-16T18:31:06Z")
\
It hurts my brain to think down to the level of these posts. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and what am I doing? Posting on the Straight Dope Message Board. Is that fair? I tell you, I donât think soâŚ_ad nauseum_
\
---
### Author:  [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/5 "2001-05-16T18:57:26Z")
i read your posts (i read them at
work)i am never without the boards(except
when the boards are slow,my dear;and whatever
is posted by only me is stalking,my darling)
i fear
not trolls(for they are nothing, my sweet)i want
no glurge(for nauseating they are to my world,my true)
and itâs you are whatever a mod has always meant
and whatever i search is you
here is the great debate nobody knows
(here is the mod of the mod and the mps of the ims
and the heart of the soul of a forum called gq;which grows
higher than spam can enrage or a pit can rant)
and this is the wonder is cecil real
i read your posts(i read them at work)
e.e. cummings
---
### Author:  [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/6 "2001-05-16T19:05:37Z")
[sub]âelvis[/sub]
---
### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2001, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/7 "2001-05-16T19:17:08Z")
[Mae West]
Itâs a _dump._
[/Mae West]
---
### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/8 "2001-05-17T01:18:09Z")
Now, I donât wanna get off on a Pit rant here, but man, some of these modsâ tempers can be tighter than a penis ring on JDT.
Folks, the problem with the Fight Against Ignorance is that youâre always going to have people like Serlin and those Free Republic nuts who think that manhattan is a city in New York.
Of course, thatâs just MHO, I could be wrong.
---
### Author:  [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/9 "2001-05-17T01:26:09Z")
[Barry White]
When does the flirting begin in this thread? I like ladiesâŚ
---
### Author:  [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/10 "2001-05-17T01:38:40Z")
[Bette Davis]
Look, a post by Jack Dean TylerâŚ
**Buckle** your seat belts, _itâs going to be a bumpy ride._
---
### Author:  [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/11 "2001-05-17T01:43:15Z")
[John Cleese]
Mods! Close this thread. It is silly.
[/John Cleese]
[Saddam Hussein]
BBQ Pit? No no. No flaming there. No sirree. It is a er⌠pharmaceutical factory. Yes. That will do.
[/Saddam Hussein]
---
### Author:  [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/12 "2001-05-17T02:12:05Z")
**TheLoadedDog** , I think your John Cleese comment is more commonly identified with Graham Chapman, technically.
[Calvin Coolidge]
" "
[/Calvin Coolidge]
[William Shakespeare]
âI know not whether to depart in silence,
Or bitterly to speak in your reproof.
Best fitteth my degree or your conditionâ
[/William Shakespeare]
âRichard III, Act 3, Scene VII
---
### Author:  [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/13 "2001-05-17T04:10:31Z")
[Harpo Marx]
_HONK!_
[/Harpo Marx]
---
### Author:  [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/14 "2001-05-17T05:35:32Z")
(Haley Joel Osment)
:::looks around the SDMB:::
_whispers_
I see weird people. All the time!
đ
---
### Author:  [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/15 "2001-05-17T05:40:11Z")
Gertrude Stein:
buttons buttons cow!
---
### Author:  [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/16 "2001-05-17T08:59:50Z")
[Sean Connery]
"Iâll take âIâM-a-HO for three hundred, Alex!â
[/Sean Connery]
---
### Author:  [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/17 "2001-05-17T13:24:53Z")
[Henny Youngman]
Take these boardsâŚplease!
[/Henny Youngman]
[deNiro]
Are _you_ lookin at _my_ posts?
[/deNiro]
[William Shatner]
Beam me outta here, Scotty! NOW!
[/William Shatner]
---
### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2001, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-celebrities-posted-here/65628/18 "2001-05-17T13:49:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by andygirl \*
> \*\*Gertrude Stein:
>
> buttons buttons cow!
>
> \*\*
Mwahahaha!
[Woody Allen]
I try to post, i really do. I click the buttons, yâknow, and I wait for the screen to change. But it never seems to change. I think my computer hates me. I really gotta talk to someone about this.
[/Woody Allen]