# If Donald Trump were forced to listen to what you'd have to say; What would you tell him? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 27, 2020, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118 "2020-08-27T00:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/21 "2020-08-27T03:54:01Z")
“You said something about doing something sexual with your daughter if she wasn’t your daughter. But you know, I know you probably already have, because people are sayin’… smart people everywhere, the people I know, only the people I know, say she was the first female to successfully blackmail you. She’d expose you to the networks, no Apprentice show for you, ya phony, only the countless bankruptcies to your fame. And you met her demands, but, hey, you know women, right? Get invited to parties with important people only to mingle and sound dumber than trash. And you knew she was embarrassing you. She insisted on the spotlight that cost you more than your cons, unlike the ones that fell in line. Tiffany, was it? Shit, Ivanka, though. Dumber than people from the ‘shithole countries’, right, bald fuck? Shit I could rip that phony fucking excuse for a dead, blonde camel hair out of you head if I exhale on it. And, loser, you can’t work. Never have. You have no fucking clue about what to do in an office but fondle fabric swatches and fantasize about women you could never have. Without borrowed cash, from people more powerful than you will ever be just because they CAN work. They CAN read. But you’re a dumb cheat. Can’t hit a fake gold gold ball to save your life and should just realize in two years that project housing for the poor will be the new building plan for your owed Mar a Lago. Won’t Vladdy be pissed?” Hey, you didn’t specify what I said to it had to be true or nice. Note: All words in quotes to be spoken through a megaphone, complete with feedback. Well, it was made in a shithole country. So I’ll mention that, too. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/22 "2020-08-27T04:09:18Z")
Love it. ---
**Author:** ![Acierocolotl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acierocolotl/32/6241_2.png) [@Acierocolotl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acierocolotl)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/23 "2020-08-27T04:34:57Z")
Come on, folks. I’d speak his language, so I know he’d understand everything I said. “You’re fired.” That’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/24 "2020-08-27T04:52:27Z")
“And who taught you to tie a tie?? Freddydaddy? Hit ya with the belt if it was too short, didn’t he?” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/25 "2020-08-27T10:25:40Z")
I would tell him to cut a deal with Pelosi, to stay out of prison, by “medically retiring”. The deal would include canning Pence, in favor of Mitt. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/26 "2020-08-27T10:55:13Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > > [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > > > “Let me tell you about the latest sex craze; autoerotic affixation.” > > or “asphyxiation“ . Thanks for clarifying. I thought you were going to suggest that he nail his dick to a board. Not that that wouldn’t be a nice thing to think about. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/27 "2020-08-27T11:14:11Z")
I wouldn’t talk to Trump for the same reasons I wouldn’t talk to a brick wall. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/28 "2020-08-27T12:39:43Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > I would tell I think he _ **was** _ a great guy but that he _ **is** _ a terrible president. Why the hell did you take this job when you had complete freedom to do and go anywhere and do anything. Do you like being trapped in the White House with your wife? Do you really like having every detail of your life examined and made fun of? What the hell were you thinking? And worst of all people will be holding you up as an example of the biggest boob ever elected into public office for the rest of American history. If of course you don’t destroy America with your bullshit. > > Does he have to answer back? Because I could not stand to hear the crap he would reply with. When exactly was he a “great guy”? Or were you just being diplomatic? ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/29 "2020-08-27T12:47:39Z")
By all means continue fucking with the Post Office and threatening Social Security. I’m sure that there aren’t _that_ many voters who care about those two institutions. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/30 "2020-08-27T13:05:57Z")
Before 2000 he appeared as just an average uber rich citizen before running for office. He was just oddball celebrity, someone you didn’t have terribly strong feelings about either way. He appeared to be successful and had pretty women hanging onto him, hell he even stated ideas that democrats supported and he appeared apolitical. Sure he was a slum lord and was shifty, but that was to be expected of most rich people. He seemed like a guys guy to a lot of people, an alpha male with the expected cockiness that comes along with it. Not something most people (outside of NYC where he was followed closely) really cared about. If he had just kept on with his playboy lifestyle people even today would think, hey I’d like to be like him, not a bad life to have. But he got caught up in his cult following of people who believed he was the great businessman he projected on The Apprentice and thought that it meant he was a leader. He is now just that, a cult leader. Not a leader of presidential stature. And yes, the term “great guy” is just a term that means alright guy. . Someone you would hang with. Twenty years ago it would have been cool to hang with the Donald and chase girls on a yacht. Would not want to hang with him or any of his goons now. He traded pretty girls for goons, not cool. ---
**Author:** ![Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mundane_super_hero/32/6304_2.png) [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundane_Super_Hero)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/31 "2020-08-27T13:31:37Z")
Talk? To Trump…? It would drip off his back like Bronzer off the face of a flabby loser… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/32 "2020-08-27T13:40:53Z")
"You know, after you die it’s all going to come out - the business debts and frauds, the political favors given and received, the personal indiscretions and predilections. Once you can’t do anything for anyone - or to anyone - anymore, all those people who know your secrets will start to talk, write books even. And your kids won’t be able to stop it - in fact, they’ll be desperately trying to distance themselves from you. Melania and Barron will take the money and move away, Ivanka will go associate herself with the Kushners, and Don Jr and Eric will flail around desperately as the consequences of your double dealings all come to a head and the businesses crumble around them. They might even go to jail without you being able to cover for them. What Fred Trump built, you have destroyed, and the legacy of your business empire, your presidency and your personal life will be one of corruption, fraud, incompetence and failure. But on the bright side, at least you won’t be around to know it." ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/33 "2020-08-27T13:47:35Z")
> [@SwissMan](#): > > Nothing at all. There’s no point anyway; in one ear and out the other. Yep. I would also stand with my back to him. Might eat a can of beans beforehand too. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/34 "2020-08-27T15:26:50Z")
I wouldn’t bother talking to him. I’d be better off talking to a stump. He wouldn’t get it, and I’d experience no catharsis from the attempt. Instead, I’d just look at him for a few seconds, then start laughing hysterically the rest of time. Perhaps occasionally mutter “that toner!” or “find a treadmill” and hope he suffers apoplexy. > [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > But he got caught up in his cult following of people who believed he was the great businessman he projected on The Apprentice and thought that it meant he was a leader. Nah, even you are getting caught up in his fictional narrative. He’s been toying with running for President [since the 80s](https://www.npr.org/2017/01/20/510680463/donald-trumps-been-saying-the-same-thing-for-30-years). The difference now is we had a confluence of factors that actually made it not just possible but frighteningly plausible. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/35 "2020-08-27T15:31:26Z")
You can pretty much say that about anybody that runs for president. They all create this fictional narrative throughout their lives about how they should be president. Most don’t make it this far. Joe Biden’s been running since the 80’s as well. But hey, I was just asked what I would say to him. So thats that and nothing more. I wasn’t saying what I would say to you or anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/36 "2020-08-27T16:12:01Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > "You know, after you die it’s all going to come out - the business debts and frauds, the political favors given and received, the personal indiscretions and predilections. Once you can’t do anything for anyone - or to anyone - anymore, all those people who know your secrets will start to talk, write books even. > > And your kids won’t be able to stop it - in fact, they’ll be desperately trying to distance themselves from you. Melania and Barron will take the money and move away, Ivanka will go associate herself with the Kushners, and Don Jr and Eric will flail around desperately as the consequences of your double dealings all come to a head and the businesses crumble around them. They might even go to jail without you being able to cover for them. > > What Fred Trump built, you have destroyed, and the legacy of your business empire, your presidency and your personal life will be one of corruption, fraud, incompetence and failure. But on the bright side, at least you won’t be around to know it." Wow. That might be the most effective thing you could say to him. Good job. 👍 ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/37 "2020-08-27T16:50:58Z")
“Hilary won the popular vote. And she’s way smarter than you and would have made a much better president. Barack Obama is smarter and better looking than you and will be remembered as a great president. You’ll be remembered as a petty little whiner who flunked a cognition test and draws on pictures with a Sharpie.” ---
**Author:** ![Mikkel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikkel/32/13151_2.png) [@Mikkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikkel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/38 "2020-08-27T17:04:20Z")
And your hands are both small and fat. ---
**Author:** ![Mickyfinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19b73/32.png) [@Mickyfinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mickyfinn)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/39 "2020-08-27T17:23:05Z")
"The best thing you did was Home Alone 2. The worst thing you did was everything else.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118/40 "2020-08-27T18:41:55Z")
It wouldn’t do any good. He listens to no one but himself. Maybe if I was able to look exactly like his father, I could make him cry by telling him he’s a complete failure and disappointment and the wrong son died. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-donald-trump-were-forced-to-listen-to-what-youd-have-to-say-what-would-you-tell-him/919118.md?page=3)