# If Elvis was alive right now? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 2005, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631 "2005-11-05T09:32:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/1 "2005-11-05T09:32:02Z")
An hour ago I was watching TV with my son and after an ad for tomorrow night’s _Elvis_ the hosts of _Australian Idol_ came on to ask, “What do you think Elvis woul;d be doing if he was alive right now?” Jordan muttered, “Scratching at the lid of the coffin.” And I burst out laughing. Channel 10 should have used that line. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/2 "2005-11-05T14:59:04Z")
If Elvis was alive today, he’d probably be thinking, “How can I eat the way I do and still be alive? My cholestorol is over 300!” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/3 "2005-11-05T15:15:23Z")
Elvis is alive right now – he’s curled up in my lap, purring. Oh, we’re not talking about my cat? My bad. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/4 "2005-11-05T15:21:14Z")
He could play the lead in a movie about the last ten years in the life of _Marlon Brando_ ---
**Author:** ![Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meaty_Beaty_Big_and_Bouncy)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/5 "2005-11-05T15:30:21Z")
When I first read the thread title that was what I thinking, 😛 scratching at the lid of his coffin. ---
**Author:** ![Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stark_Raven_Mad)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/6 "2005-11-05T15:30:51Z")
Could have sworn I’d read that in _Fight Club_. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/7 "2005-11-05T15:47:58Z")
Where did you get the silly notion that he isn’t? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/8 "2005-11-05T15:51:19Z")
Perhaps he’d have a chain of fast food places that offered _fried peanut butter-banana sandwiches_? ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/9 "2005-11-05T16:07:41Z")
More seriously, if Elvis were active today, he’d have his own theater in Branson, packing the Midwestern retirees in from their RV’s night after night for one or two token songs, perhaps a medley, with some dance group and warmup act doing most of the work. He might spend his time schmoozing with the old blue-hair ladies up front, like Don Ho does. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/10 "2005-11-05T20:08:05Z")
> [@Stark Raven Mad](#): > > Could have sworn I’d read that in _Fight Club_. It was Marilyn Monroe in _Fight Club_. So what would Elvis be doing? He’d be chillin’ with Marilyn. It’s Clawing Night at the Coffin Lounge. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/11 "2005-11-06T04:28:07Z")
He’d be really old. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/12 "2005-11-06T04:49:42Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Perhaps he’d have a chain of fast food places that offered _fried peanut butter-banana sandwiches_? I was looking through one of my cookbooks, and found a recipe for PB and Bacon muffins. Will have to try and make them someday. Susan ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/13 "2005-11-06T15:07:01Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > More seriously, if Elvis were active today, he’d have his own theater in Branson, packing the Midwestern retirees in from their RV’s night after night for one or two token songs, perhaps a medley, with some dance group and warmup act doing most of the work. He might spend his time schmoozing with the old blue-hair ladies up front, like Don Ho does. Just as likely, he would have his own standing show in Las Vegas… probably at the Las Vegas Hilton, or perhaps the Mirage. He would play 3 shows a night, 6 nights per week and never have to leave his hotel as they would provide him with everything he would need to live out the rest of his existance. Funny. I look back on this post and it doesn’t look at all like a glarmorous lifestyle more than it looks like life in endentured servitude. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/14 "2005-11-06T15:36:53Z")
Elvis was incredibly insecure. His career was waning when he died, thanks to a generation gap and his own self destruction. Methinks that had Elvis survived that ‘fat years’ he would have become a recluse a la Howard Hughes. He was too famous to live a normal life, too insecure to try another come back, and too rich to need to work. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/15 "2005-11-06T15:42:11Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Just as likely, he would have his own standing show in Las Vegas… probably at the Las Vegas Hilton, or perhaps the Mirage. He would play 3 shows a night, 6 nights per week and never have to leave his hotel as they would provide him with everything he would need to live out the rest of his existance. > > Funny. I look back on this post and it doesn’t look at all like a glarmorous lifestyle more than it looks like life in endentured servitude. This was addressed in the pilot episode of _Sliders_. When Quinn is driving in the alternate universe, he sees a billboard advertising Elvis in Vegas. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/16 "2005-11-06T19:30:33Z")
I think he would be in a rest home in Texas under an assumed name. Maby battling mummies that suck the souls out of people through their ass. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/17 "2005-11-06T21:00:14Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I think he would be in a rest home in Texas under an assumed name. > > Maby battling mummies that suck the souls out of people through their ass. You win. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/18 "2005-11-07T04:38:31Z")
> [@susan\_foster](#): > > I was looking through one of my cookbooks, and found a recipe for PB and Bacon muffins. Will have to try and make them someday. > > Susan I found this recipe in a cookbook called _Bake it Like a Man_. (The cover has a guy with a big toolbelt loaded with whisks and spatulas and wooden spoons and all that sort of stuff.) I’ve posted it before, but it’s quick, so here it is again. **Flaming Elvis** 1 loaf of French bread 1 pound bacon 1 jar peanut butter Jalapenos to taste (I’d also use plenty of garlic, but it isn’t in the original.) Chop the jalapenos (and garlic), mix with the peanut butter, and set aside. Cook the bacon until crisp, and drain on paper towels. Split the French bread, toast under a pre-heated broiler, spread top and bottom with the peanut butter mixture, and pile on the bacon before closing it up. Slice off chunks to serve. I think Elvis would be eating one right now, maybe with PB-and-banana for dessert. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/19 "2005-11-07T05:28:17Z")
Let’s see, Elvis would be 70 if he was still around. I don’t think he could belt out the tunes like he did 30 or 40 years ago. He would probably be playing backup guitar for some unknown bar band in Wyoming. Actually, I think the Big E would be very involved with the music scene, especially all of the “Live Aid” things going on. Love him, or hate him, the man had a heart of gold. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631/20 "2005-11-07T14:42:44Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Just as likely, he would have his own standing show in Las Vegas. I don’t think he’d be nearly the cultural icon he is now if he hadn’t died. Elvis idolatry didn’t really exist before then and wouldn’t exist now, not with his public image being the old wastrel, probably rehabilitated from his drug addictions - think of a fat Keith Richards, for instance. No, I think he’d be just another oldies act embarrassing himself on stage, but needing the money anyway after pissing it all away back when he could make a lot of it. I’ll stick with Branson, not Vegas. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-elvis-was-alive-right-now/329631.md?page=2)