# If forced to, who would you rather cannibalize? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 27, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600 "2003-11-27T18:07:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/1 "2003-11-27T18:07:06Z")
If you had to eat somebody to survive, and you have stored in a snowbank four potential doners: a stranger, a friend, a loved one, and a lover, which would you choose? I’m thinking that I’d go w/ the lover. The act seems too intimate for anybody else. ---
**Author:** ![ShadiRoxan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@ShadiRoxan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadiRoxan)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/2 "2003-11-27T18:49:07Z")
A stranger. If I got out of there I would rather have my friend, loved one and lover. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/3 "2003-11-27T18:52:15Z")
Lessee…I got four donors “stored”? Then I’d just eat the tender bits from all four. No sense in settling for second-rate cuts when there’s all that _good_ stuff sitting there. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/4 "2003-11-27T18:55:41Z")
Whoever is freshest and most conveniently located. Once the person is dead they are pretty much just a pile of chemicals. However I suppose that “loved one” would be the most disturbing. After cutting off the hands, head and feet though, it would probably not be too difficult to then think of it as an it. ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/5 "2003-11-27T19:23:28Z")
I’d resist the most I could then eat the first one I trip over. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/6 "2003-11-28T00:10:37Z")
Wait… they’re dead already? Wouldn’t it be a more interesting survey if we had to kill them ourselves? ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/7 "2003-11-28T00:18:04Z")
Remember: In such situations it is of utmost importance always to refer to one’s victuals as pieces of light or dark meat, and never as this or that bit of liver, tit, or testicle. [sub]With apologies to J. P. Donleavy.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/8 "2003-11-28T01:32:25Z")
I would eat all of them, and then see if I can find some fava beans. ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/9 "2003-11-28T02:56:34Z")
I’d check to see who had the nicely marbled loins and then cut some steaks with about 1/4" of fat trim and get the charcoal grill going. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/10 "2003-11-28T02:58:27Z")
Sick question… I’d eat the stranger. Not much fun eating people you like or loved. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/11 "2003-11-28T04:04:53Z")
**Loved one** : my family are a pretty stringy bunch. Not much good eating flesh there. **Lover** : too muscular, so I’m guessing whatever meat I could hack off would be tough and gamey. I’d need a good slow heat to tenderise it, which may hard to come by. Then again, I’ve had most of his body parts in my mouth at some earlier point of time, so it wouldn’t be too much of a progression… **Friend** : most of my friends keep a pretty poor diet. I’d probably dislike the recycled taste of stale beer, cigarettes, fast food and late nights. I’m going to have to go with the stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/12 "2003-11-28T06:26:00Z")
Well, I always have had a taste for albatross soup. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/13 "2003-11-28T06:56:26Z")
I’d probably eat the friend and the stranger first. I don’t know if I could eat the lover or the loved one…but if I did, I’d be sure to leave the head alone, as a sign of respect. Ranchoth (Must…save…_the BRAIN!_) ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/14 "2003-11-28T07:07:44Z")
An Indian. I just love Indian. ---
**Author:** ![mala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/258eb7/32.png) [@mala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mala)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/15 "2003-11-28T13:32:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*I would eat all of them, and then see if I can find some fava beans. \*\* How 'bout a nice bottle of Chianti? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/16 "2003-11-28T16:46:14Z")
Whoever was the fattest I guess. hopefully it would be the stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/17 "2003-11-28T17:08:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranchoth \*I don’t know if I could eat the lover or the loved one…but if I did, I’d be sure to leave the head alone, _as a sign of respect_. Ha! “No offense, dear departed Uncle Joe, but I’m going to eat your arm. It’s not like the boatsman is going to make you swim the Styx.” ---
**Author:** ![Jamlad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b77776/32.png) [@Jamlad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamlad)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/18 "2003-11-28T17:22:54Z")
Once of my colleagues at work looks pretty tasty. She is a vegitarian so that is as close to “grain fed” as you can get. I think I would prep her with a nice light Dijon and herb marinade. mmmmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/19 "2003-11-28T17:52:29Z")
Assuming they are all allready dead. Logically you would want to avoid disease if possible, that would mean eating the healthiest of the people you knew. The stranger would only be an option if you knew the other three carry diseases you don’t yet suffer from. You would also want to minimise the suffering of others, this depends on knowing about the person you might eat, and knowing their families beliefs about dead bodies of their relitives. Your loved one or lover would then be good choices, as you are part of that family that may suffer. You would also want to minimise your own mental turmoil, if the idea of eating someone you know is hard to digest, then the stranger would be best choice. I would probably chose to eat my lover first if I thought it would lead to a chance of survival. If I thought it would just prolong the inevitable, I would bury the bodies in snow, and bury myself, with my lover if she were my wife or we were to be married or else with my loved one. ---
**Author:** ![SnoopyFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d07c76/32.png) [@SnoopyFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnoopyFan)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600/20 "2003-11-28T19:04:37Z")
The stranger, duh. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-forced-to-who-would-you-rather-cannibalize/215600.md?page=2)