# If God was stoned? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 1, 2023, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891 "2023-08-01T01:01:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/1 "2023-08-01T01:01:48Z")
Assuming God is not stoned what charges would happen if God ate a weed gummie and git stoned? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/2 "2023-08-01T01:05:44Z")
Spelling would become less important.😊 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/3 "2023-08-01T01:12:31Z")
I’d punch him in the face and run away! ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/4 "2023-08-01T01:13:12Z")
Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even He could not eat it? ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/5 "2023-08-01T01:14:19Z")
If God encompasses everything then God already encompasses a lot of weed and if not already stoned isn’t likely to become stoned by eating one gummy. Which they’d already encompass anyway. If the God being posited isn’t the God who’s posited to encompass everything, then I’d need to know which God to be able to take a guess at an answer. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/6 "2023-08-01T01:21:15Z")
Well, charges vary depending upon location! In Colorado, he’s certainly of age, and since recreational usage is legal, no charges, unless he’s operating a vehicle or some other subset of laws apply. Certainly God should be careful in God-fearing parts of the US where such use is illegal, or other nations of course. Based on recent evidence, God should probably stay far away from Russia, although I suspect he is already doing so for different reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/7 "2023-08-01T01:23:03Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > Assuming God is not stoned… Given the platypus, I do not join in this assumption. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/nc2JBtrPpIk/hqdefault.jpg "Robin Williams - Platypus") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc2JBtrPpIk) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/8 "2023-08-01T01:31:05Z")
Assuming one buys the whole God schtick … I think it’s totally evident that God was utterly wasted when he designed human nature. Did some flaky work on the physiology as well, but he totally muffed the psychology part. Totally a stoner move. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/9 "2023-08-01T01:44:25Z")
This song is a deep philosophical rumination on the subject… [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/wwnXsdCbUYI/maxresdefault.jpg "What if God Smoked Cannabis - Official Video | 2023 | Bob Rivers' Twisted Tunes") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwnXsdCbUYI) ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/10 "2023-08-01T10:20:30Z")
Why would God be stoned? Because he said Jehovah! (quizzical look) (lower voice) Because he said Jehovah! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/11 "2023-08-01T10:30:34Z")
She would not use the subjunctive. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/12 "2023-08-01T13:25:33Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I think it’s totally evident that God was utterly wasted when he designed human nature. Did some flaky work on the physiology as well, but he totally muffed the psychology part. Totally a stoner move. Certainly yes to the physiology part. Eat, drink, breath, and communicate out of the same tube. And a sewer line runs through our ‘playground’. The opposable thumb was a good idea though. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/13 "2023-08-01T13:42:48Z")
The problem was that God was under intense pressure from his bosses to create the whole universe by the end of the week. He did the best he could, delegating various design elements like human psychology to incompetent junior underlings, but if you think they messed that up, you should see what one of his other teams did with the creatures of Kepler-1649c! The whole damn universe thing was just too rushed. God managed it in just six days, and then, completely exhausted, went home and rolled the biggest doobie you’ve ever seen and just collapsed the whole next day. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/14 "2023-08-01T13:55:17Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > God managed it in just six days, and then, completely exhausted, went home and rolled the biggest doobie you’ve ever seen and just collapsed the whole next day. - Can God roll a doobie so large even he can’t smoke it? ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/15 "2023-08-01T14:16:09Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Can God roll a doobie so large even he can’t smoke it? Well, he smoked that one, and those are the kinds of thoughts that occurred to God early Sunday morning when the effects were at their peak. As a result of which, the Creator of the Universe got so wasted that he slept through his alarm on Monday morning and missed the planning meeting for the next Universe. This caused another disciplinary note to be added to his employment record, joining the ones already there due to his screw-ups on the former project. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/16 "2023-08-01T19:51:51Z")
A guy named Moe would descend from a mount holding a message etched in stone by the hand of God. The message would read: _11) Thou shalt not kill my vibe with idiotic prayers. Just chill, dudes and dudettes._ ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/17 "2023-08-01T20:12:20Z")
“I am the Lord thy God. So that’s what you call me. You know, that, or, uh, His Godness, or, uh, Godder, or El Goderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing….” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/18 "2023-08-01T20:30:48Z")
> [@Tibby](#): > > A guy named Moe would descend from a mount holding a message etched in stone by the hand of God. The message would read: _11) Thou shalt not kill my vibe with idiotic prayers. Just chill, dudes and dudettes._ Actually I think Moe’s tablets would read > Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck you knucklehead! Followed by an image of somebody getting two fingers in their eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/19 "2023-08-01T20:48:58Z")
That’s _soitenly_ a possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2023, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891/20 "2023-08-01T21:17:51Z")
Well Joan Osborne could do a follow up. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-god-was-stoned/987891.md?page=2)