# If I caught someone in the act of keying my car I'd\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2007, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388 "2007-07-27T16:05:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/1 "2007-07-27T16:05:41Z")
You walk out of the store into a large parking lot, looking for your car in row B-6 and upon approach you see a young teenage boy or girl scraping your car with their key from fender to fender. Gouging a deep fissure into the metal of your car. What do you do? Me: I’d quickly duck down and sneak up on them…then as they finish denaturing my vehicle, I pounce on them and pummel them into bits. Actually: I’d start yelling and try to chase them down so I could talk to them about their evil ways. I’m such a pacifist. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/2 "2007-07-27T16:16:51Z")
(in which I prove myself to be not only an asshole, but a sexist one) Boy: I sneak up, filming him with my camera phone as I go. If I get within 20 feet without him noticing, I stop filming, run up and belt him a good one in the side of the head. The film is strictly to discourage him or his parents from trying to sue me or file charges. Girl: Exact same thing, except instead of punching her in the head, I grab her by the collar, push her away from my car and give her a stern talking to. If she gives me any lip whatsoever, I call the cops and the vandalism footage goes to them. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/3 "2007-07-27T16:23:25Z")
I’d grab them and hold them (if they try something cute, I’d subdue them; I’m a big guy) until the cops/security came, then press charges. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/4 "2007-07-27T16:25:07Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] (in which I prove myself to be not only an asshole, but a sexist one) Boy: I sneak up, filming him with my camera phone as I go. If I get within 20 feet without him noticing, I stop filming, run up and belt him a good one in the side of the head. The film is strictly to discourage him or his parents from trying to sue me or file charges. Girl: Exact same thing, except instead of punching her in the head, I grab her by the collar, push her away from my car and give her a stern talking to. If she gives me any lip whatsoever, I call the cops and the vandalism footage goes to them. [/QUOTE] Wouldn’t you be admitting to battery in either case? Or would the video legally demonstrate that you were somehow legally justified? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Viking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Viking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Viking)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/5 "2007-07-27T16:27:14Z")
This all depends on the teenager i guess (should i even be posting here at the age of 20:o ) If big and looking “Dangerous” i would most likely yell out so he stops and posibly verbaly abuse/rant at him while he _hopefully_ takes off If smaller, posibly same as above but with a phsycal approch aswell such as catching him to hopefully scare some sense into him. Yes, i used him/he, but i guess if it was a girl it would be overall the same ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/6 "2007-07-27T16:29:34Z")
end up with a keyed car. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/7 "2007-07-27T16:39:08Z")
[QUOTE=Koxinga] Wouldn’t you be admitting to battery in either case? Or would the video legally demonstrate that you were somehow legally justified? [/QUOTE] Neither. Notice I interjected the “stop filming” before the physical contact. In the case of the girl, I would love to see them try and take me to court for dragging and pushing her away from the car she was in the act of vandalizing. In the case of the boy, I’d show the kid the video and be like, “Do you really want to pursue this?” ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/8 "2007-07-27T16:41:38Z")
I would control myself and say, “Hey, fucker, what do you think you’re doing?” until I got up close to them. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/9 "2007-07-27T16:57:11Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] In the case of the boy, I’d show the kid the video and be like, “Do you really want to pursue this?” [/QUOTE] Isn’t assault a much more serious crime than vandalism? If he pursued it, I’d WAG you’d get in a lot more trouble than him, especially if he was a minor. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/10 "2007-07-27T16:58:26Z")
I’d walk up to him (without being noticed, if possible) then take the keys right out of his hand and drop them down the nearest sewer grate. How he gets home, or gets into his house, would be of absolutely no concern to me. Alternatively, I’d take the keys, run back inside screaming for security, and give the keys to the security guard. Let him talk his way out of _that_. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/11 "2007-07-27T17:05:37Z")
[QUOTE=FlyingDragonFan] Isn’t assault a much more serious crime than vandalism? If he pursued it, I’d WAG you’d get in a lot more trouble than him, especially if he was a minor. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I’d probably go to jail. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/12 "2007-07-27T17:09:08Z")
I’d snap a quick pic with my cell phone, then use it to call the police. I would attempt to keep the vandal from “getting away” while I awaited the authorities. In my younger days, I’d probably hurt the vandal and wind up in trouble myself. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/13 "2007-07-27T18:07:15Z")
I’d blame Carrie Underwood, the little vandalista! :eek: > [@](#): > > And he don’t know… > That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, > carved my name into his leather seats… > I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, > slashed a hole in all 4 tires… ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/14 "2007-07-27T19:10:07Z")
He gets a donkey bite to the neck and groin, until I am satisfied that he had a good reason to do such a stupid thing (or I get bored of seeing him cry, either way). Then what \*\*Diceman \*\* said (thanks, man. That is great, I once did that with the wallet of a clown who tried to badge me but never thought of using it in this situation) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/15 "2007-07-27T19:15:13Z")
[QUOTE=chela] I’d blame Carrie Underwood, the little vandalista! :eek: [/QUOTE] See, if I caught _Carrie Underwood_ doing that to my car, that would be another matter entirely. I’m not sure exactly how she could make it up to me, but she would definitely be living up to her name… ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/16 "2007-07-27T19:17:16Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] See, if I caught _Carrie Underwood_ doing that to my car, that would be another matter entirely. I’m not sure exactly how she could make it up to me, but she would definitely be living up to her name… [/QUOTE] Well, a girl so stupid she carves her own name into the seats wouldn’t be useful for much else! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/17 "2007-07-27T19:18:40Z")
Girl–hold her for cops. Boy–key his face. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/18 "2007-07-27T20:26:59Z")
I’m thinking that if someone was vandalizing my car or property, I’d take my chances with a jury, and fuck that guy right up. I have a suspicion that giving a vandal a good beat-down wouldn’t be something that a jury would be likely to convict you of around here. ---
**Author:** ![iwakura43](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de0a6/32.png) [@iwakura43](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iwakura43)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/19 "2007-07-27T20:27:39Z")
… threaten to kick his ass, of course! Possibly for the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Hirundo82](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/919ad9/32.png) [@Hirundo82](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hirundo82)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388/20 "2007-07-27T20:36:15Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Yeah, I’d probably go to jail. ☹ [/QUOTE] Actually, judging by your location you arguably have a legal justification for using force to stop him. Per the [Texas Penal Code](http://tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/petoc.html): > [@](#): > > § 9.41. PROTECTION OF ONE’S OWN PROPERTY. (a) A person in > lawful possession of land or tangible, movable property is > justified in using force against another when and to the degree the > actor reasonably believes the force is immediately necessary to > prevent or terminate the other’s trespass on the land or unlawful > interference with the property. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-caught-someone-in-the-act-of-keying-my-car-id________/413388.md?page=2)