# If I Decide To Do It, The Baby Must NEVER Find Out... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643 "2005-12-14T21:32:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/21 "2005-12-14T23:51:47Z")
FWIW, aquarium pumps also generate a nice warm buzzing, and they don’t use up batteries. Maybe you could set up a small fishtank so that the baby can see it and have the pump mounted to the crib? You can buy extra-long tubing to run from the pump to the fishtank, if necessary, to make this logistically possible. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/22 "2005-12-15T00:02:29Z")
> [@Martha](#): > > Could lead to some amusing scenes when the in-laws visit… **Hal** and the Mrs., ready for a night out, MIL agrees to babysit: "Ok, MIL, here’s what we do to put the baby to sleep. Put her down in the bassinet here, reach underneath, and ok, you see this thingee here? What? You have one just like it?!?! Well, then you know how to make it work, so we’ll see you around 10:30, bye!" ---
**Author:** ![Mgcklmoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Mgcklmoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mgcklmoon)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/23 "2005-12-15T00:22:17Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > I say do it. If you wait until she’s in her twenties to tell her the story, she might not even get squicked out by it. 🙂 _Thinks about it_… if my parents came to me and shared a little tidbit like that with me… oh ewww…nope - squicked… very squicked and I am 34. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/24 "2005-12-15T00:42:21Z")
Why don’t you duct tape the button down? ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/25 "2005-12-15T00:56:11Z")
Whatever you use, please make very very sure it’s not a fire hazard to leave it on for a long time or under a blanket. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/26 "2005-12-15T01:00:30Z")
Samantha did it for Miranda’s baby on **Sex And The City** Miranda’s comment: “That better be brand new!” ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/27 "2005-12-15T03:41:17Z")
The family that, er, hums together, er… oh dear, I really do _not_ want to finish this thought :eek: But if you do, you _must_ take photos. 😉 In a teddy bear? hell no. Stuffed lamb, perhaps… On a more serious note, Hal, what’s happening is that she’s learned to fall asleep only when Condition x is in place. When she wakes, and whatever condition is no longer there, she can’t figure out how to sleep until you reintroduce the condition. It’s an association that you’ll want to get her past at some point. Otherwise of course she’ll be the only kid who goes to nursery school with an “electric ear cleaner” for nappy time. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/28 "2005-12-15T03:49:44Z")
Oh for Og’s sake, buy a new one! ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/29 "2005-12-15T04:02:50Z")
Perhaps you could get one of those [1950s era belt massagers](http://www.shoplifestyle.com/store/assets/product_images/TB847_main.jpg). I’m sure you could put it on the lowest setting and wrap the belt around the entire bassinette. Of course, on weekends you could hang a few buckets of paint underneath and and have it do double duty. During the day your wife can use it to vibrate off those extra pounds gained during pregnancy and after work you could do the same. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/30 "2005-12-15T04:46:55Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > Resolved: Parents are evil. Seconded. All in favor? ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/31 "2005-12-15T04:58:05Z")
Hahaha. Roffle. Won’t that drain the batteries rather fast? I don’t think those things are designed for repeated overnight use. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/32 "2005-12-15T05:28:18Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > If it bothers you that much, get a new, clean one. Why? It hasn’t been anywhere the baby hasn’t been before 😃 . I’m more concerned that once the baby’s asleep, and Hal’s out in the barn, what will Mrs. Hal find to do with herself? So to speak. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/33 "2005-12-15T06:57:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Why? It hasn’t been anywhere the baby hasn’t been before 😃 . Good grief, I think I just swallowed my cigarette. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/34 "2005-12-15T15:07:21Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Good grief, I think I just swallowed my cigarette. Christ another line or two like that and I’m going to get fired. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/35 "2005-12-15T15:17:11Z")
How about one of [these](http://www.ambybaby.com/) (work-safe)? It might be cheaper in the long run, what with how expensive batteries are these days. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/36 "2005-12-15T15:24:52Z")
I found and tested the crib shaker we had. It appears to shut off in 20 minutes. An improvement but probably not enough of one. Jim ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/37 "2005-12-15T21:55:24Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > FWIW, aquarium pumps also generate a nice warm buzzing, and they don’t use up batteries. Maybe you could set up a small fishtank so that the baby can see it and have the pump mounted to the crib? You can buy extra-long tubing to run from the pump to the fishtank, if necessary, to make this logistically possible. Hey, that’s what I was going to suggest! (because I’m listening to mine now) But don’t bother with a fish tank to go with it unless you _want_ fish. They vibrate the most when **not** hooked up to an air tube, and the cheaper you get, the more noisily it vibrates. Like **Scrivener** said, you get to plug it in rather than spend a fortune of batteries (and therapy) too. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643/38 "2005-12-16T02:13:20Z")
I was going to suggest the aquarium pump too! It’s AC, makes a great little hum, vibrates very nicely. They usually run $10 - $20 in the pets section at Wal-Mart IIRC. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-decide-to-do-it-the-baby-must-never-find-out/335643.md?page=1)