# If I don't get some Carl f\*\*king Kasell right now, I'm going to choke someone.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-dont-get-some-carl-f-king-kasell-right-now-im-going-to-choke-someone/257266>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [July 28, 2004, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-dont-get-some-carl-f-king-kasell-right-now-im-going-to-choke-someone/257266 "2004-07-28T13:10:11Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-dont-get-some-carl-f-king-kasell-right-now-im-going-to-choke-someone/257266/1 "2004-07-28T13:10:11Z")

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Despite all the talk about the decline of the Onion, sometimes it still has its [brilliant moments](http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4030).

> [@](#):
>
> “I want my staff working at 110 percent, and I want my coffee harvested by formerly indigent people making a decent living wage so they can feed their families, sustain their farms, and become sources for community development at a local level.”
> 
> …
> 
> “I want a large cup of organochlorine-free, unbleached-filter-brewed, environmentally sound cocksucking coffee 10 minutes ago.”
> 
> …
> 
> “Another thing: No one even touches the Mother Jones until it moves from my desk to the table in the waiting room.”

Who said The Onion has a liberal bias, anyhow?

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**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-dont-get-some-carl-f-king-kasell-right-now-im-going-to-choke-someone/257266/2 "2004-07-28T13:20:25Z")

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oh man - that is hilarious. ROFLMAO!!!

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**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2004, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-dont-get-some-carl-f-king-kasell-right-now-im-going-to-choke-someone/257266/3 "2004-07-28T14:16:10Z")

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funny. i had skipped it.

I liked the “Hulk” piece a couple weeks ago.

“Hulk think sequel good idea. Hulk think Ang Lee take chances. Multi-panel interesting idea. Look like comic book. ARRGGHH!”