# If I had a million dollars... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 13, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836 "2001-04-13T13:59:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f9ae1b/32.png) [@bobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobo)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/21 "2001-04-14T03:51:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance \* > \*\*“But not a real green dress, that’s cruel!” \*\* ok… **JC** beat me to the BNL quote so… \ …add it to the pile I guess… \ ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/22 "2001-04-14T09:39:19Z")
_looks around for **AudreyK** , can’t see her, is confused_ Well, first off I’d pay off my student loans and such. Next, I’d put away money to go to the Vancouver Film School (where I want to go after I’ve got my BFA, here). Perhaps I’d get a place of my own; a studio apartment would be nice, but I’d settle for some little apartment that I can call home. Then finally, I’d put the rest away to help me make my first feature film. Many a great film have been made for very little, and that would be a great start to making one. I know, there’s way more to a film than the money, but…it helps if you’re not broke. The writing/directing, getting people to help out, knowing what I’m doing…I can deal with all of that. It’s the money that’s the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/23 "2001-04-14T13:38:32Z")
I’d buy myself a cute little house somewhere, probably in WA. [sub]Maybe we could put, like, a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.:D[/sub] Then I’d get the second-from-the-top-of-the-line G4 and the Cinema Display. After that, I’d put the rest in the bank, and try to pretend it doesn’t exist. I want the money to last a long time. I’d spend some money every now and then, sure, but with the same consideration I give my spending now. I’d make a really boring rich person. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/24 "2001-04-14T13:45:31Z")
Oh. In addition to the helicopter, I’d replace my Eclair NPR with an Aaton XTRprod with a nice Zeiss 11-110 zoom and a set of superspeed primes. ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/25 "2001-04-14T13:53:11Z")
I’d donate most of my posessions to the Salvation Army, pack a bag and hop on the next flight to Hawaii. I’d buy a little place on Kauai, take about a year off and do nothing, and then find a little bullshit job to keep me busy. That’s what I’d do 🙂 Rose ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/26 "2001-04-14T14:02:47Z")
Very first thing? “One meeeeelleeeon dollars! Bwa ha ha ha!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/27 "2001-04-14T14:04:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wicked Blue \* > \*\*I’d donate most of my posessions to the Salvation Army, pack a bag and hop on the next flight to Hawaii. I’d buy a little place on Kauai, take about a year off and do nothing, and then find a little bullshit job to keep me busy. > That’s what I’d do 🙂 > > Rose \*\* Did I ever mention that I’m a well-trained cabana boy? And, I work for sex. ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/28 "2001-04-14T14:26:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > > Did I ever mention that I’m a well-trained cabana boy? > > And, I work for sex. \*\* Hmm…I guess I would need a cabana boy 😉 You’d really enjoy working for me too. I’d treat you very well. Hey, did I mention every day would be payday? 😃 Rose ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/29 "2001-04-14T14:38:07Z")
I’d pay off my school loans, pay all my bills, buy a new car, pay off my sister’s student loans and send my parents on a trip. Then our family on a trip - and then I’d take a vacation to Europe and Korea and then I’d invest the rest. Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![dublos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f08c70/32.png) [@dublos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dublos)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/30 "2001-04-14T15:04:15Z")
Hmmm… this is difficult… but I would have to invest it, then after a year, quit my job, and live off the interest, I think I would then become a full time student for the rest of my life. With summer’s taken to travel. Now make it serveral million, and I’m posting an offer on the board for the first world wide dopefest. Non USA dopers get your passports ready 'cause I’d be footing the bill to fly everyone who wanted to come to chicago, put them up in whatever hotel(s) would hold us all and let the fun begin. Now that would be an incredibly cool way to blow a lot of cash. Everybody gets Limo service from their home and first class treatment. And we all get to meet one another. After all, everybody deserves to be spoiled once and a while. -Doug ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/31 "2001-04-14T15:59:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > **[sub]Maybe we could put, like, a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.:D[/sub]** “O For Christ’s Sake!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/32 "2001-04-14T16:51:54Z")
I just want to share that I hate you for the title of this thread, **Mr. Cynical**. It took me forever to get that song out of my head when I first heard it. And now it’s back, so much so that I had to go dig out the tape and play it while I drove around earlier. What would I do with a million dollars? No more bills. Then a small house and a shit job that I really enjoy but that has no responsibility. All weekends off, and something that I can quit with no guilty feelings if they won’t let me take time off to go someplace like Aruba or Turkey. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/33 "2001-04-14T16:58:32Z")
A million that I hadn’t earned? I’d give half of it away to established groups, mostly museums and anti-poverty stuff. The other half I’d use to be the “money fairy.” Some random poor family would have a great Christmas, some unlucky guy in bankruptcy court would see his debts mysteriously disappear, some crowd in a restaurant would see their meals paid for, maybe a tuition bill or two would vanish, that kind of thing. I think that would be kind of fun. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/34 "2001-04-14T17:56:34Z")
Ah, sweet fantasies… I don’t have much debt but would pay off what’s there is; pay down my sister’s debts and invest half of what’s left. The interest would provide our cushion in old age. Then I’d buy a smaller house with lots of land. Quit the hellish ratrace at work and spend time taking in stray critters, gardening and volunteering, especially at rest homes and veterans hospitals. This sounds too goodie-two-shoes icky for words but I _enjoy_ it and so many of them are terribly lonely; essentially abandoned, in fact. They’re starved for COMPANIONSHIP. And travel some, which I adore. It’d be so great to see a lot more of the world. I’d give most of the money directly–and anonymously–to folks who need it. Established charities are fine but I usually prefer giving directly: bags of groceries, household goods, help with bills, etc. (It’s a pisser at tax time but money isn’t the point to begin with; it’s just a damned tool, not the meaning of life.) I’m getting carried away, but it’d be so FABULOUS to be able to give real support to some charities I can only nickle and dime now. A few dear to my heart: United Negro College Fund, Indian College Fund, libraries (of course), v foundations for training and giving guide dogs to the disabled and therapy pet programs. If I had my way, every “elderly warehouse” and group home would have some loving, accepting critters to give what people fail to. Sigh. Well it’s a great dream. “Watch the sky, keep watching the sky!” Or maybe I should start buying lottery tickets. Veb ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/35 "2001-04-14T18:39:30Z")
1. Pay off all my bills and stop being Citibank’s bitch. 2. Buy a house somewhere in the country…either outside of Atlanta or Naples Fl. 3. Lasik surgery and laser body hair removal-the heaven of no more glasses and no more shaving! 4. Run amok at a bookstore 5. Make a Wish foundation gets 10,000 for all the smiles they put on my nephew’s face during his DisneyLand trip. 6. Invest what’s left. I’d still work for a living to keep myself busy though. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/36 "2001-04-14T19:34:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\* > (–\>HUGE snips > 3) Lasik surgery… > \<–More huge snips.) \*\* Ooooh, yes. Excellent and humbling reality check, **hardygrrl**. I can’t remember, ever, being able to see without corrective lenses. That would be so great. (Uh…one problem? Can courage be purchased too? My eyeballs wince when scary things get too close.) Veb ---
**Author:** ![karalynne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a4c791/32.png) [@karalynne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/karalynne)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/37 "2001-04-15T00:10:12Z")
I would buy a couple of cows, my mother a new car (I despise her little Geo Metro), and then I would take a long vacation. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/38 "2001-04-15T02:21:38Z")
How many of us were planning on saying “but not a real green dress…” until we read that **Jonathan Chance** already did? I know I was. Darn you, **Jonathan**! And your little dog, too! ---
**Author:** ![hixofthehood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/90db22/32.png) [@hixofthehood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hixofthehood)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/39 "2001-04-15T04:14:57Z")
“Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?” ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836/40 "2001-04-15T05:18:52Z")
First, I’d probably buy a brand new computer. Then I’d buy another one. Then I’d order myself one of those huge party subs (You know…the ones that are about 15 feet long or so?). I’d definitely get a car and insurance. I’d put enough money away to pay for college. This includes dorm costs. The rest…well, I’m sure I’d take a walk through the mall and come home broke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-a-million-dollars/61836.md?page=3)