# If I had have a bumper sticker... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 23, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937 "2001-11-23T19:29:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lectricity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9d8465/32.png) [@Lectricity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lectricity)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/1 "2001-11-23T19:29:02Z")
…Mine would say “HONK IF YOURE OUT TO GET ME”. I’ve always been a fan of mischief. I’m not a paranoid person. I don’t consider myself insane. Do you think if I plastered this message on my truck, it would push me over the edge? ---
**Author:** ![jabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/db5fbb/32.png) [@jabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabe)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/2 "2001-11-23T19:42:35Z")
I like singing ‘if I had a bumper sticker’ to the tune of ‘if I had a million dollars’ by Bare Naked Ladies. peace, JB ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/3 "2001-11-23T20:20:21Z")
**Lectricity** – I like it. _Personal favorites:_ Come The Rapture, Can I Have your Car? Visualize Using Turn Signals MY CONVICTIONS ARE NOT FOR PUBLIC DISPLAY _(I especially like this one, not only for the irony of the intended message, but also for the potential for misinterpretation: “I wonder what he’s been convicted of?”)_ ---
**Author:** ![Kbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kbean)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/4 "2001-11-23T22:30:56Z")
[tangent] > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jabe \* > \*\*I like singing ‘if I had a bumper sticker’ to the tune of ‘if I had a million dollars’ by Bare Naked Ladies. > \*\* Now it’s in my head! (Good song though, so I don’t mind) [/tangent] A friend of mine got me a bumper sticker that said “Because I can!”, which is my explanation for anytime I am caught doing something bad. I don’t have a car (yet!), so it’s on one of my notebooks. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bibliophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophile)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/5 "2001-11-23T23:06:23Z")
i saw a great bumper sticker the other day. it said my kid beat up your honor student. i love it when people try to piss off the soccer moms! ---
**Author:** ![Lectricity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9d8465/32.png) [@Lectricity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lectricity)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/6 "2001-11-23T23:15:04Z")
I don’t have any bumperstickers except for the one that came with my truck. It says “AAA”. I might want one but I’m stuck about what it should say. “HONK IF YOURE OUT TO GET ME” sounds like fun but I think it might invite too much participation. One I saw once that I liked was “IF YOU ARE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION”. Fun, but not for me. Help- I need more ideas! ---
**Author:** ![mdf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@mdf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mdf)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/7 "2001-11-23T23:19:45Z")
“Doing my part to piss off the religious right” If I can’t find the sticker itself, I may have to put it on a license plate frame. -mdf ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/8 "2001-11-23T23:45:27Z")
**Lectricity** – You could alter your AAA sticker to read AAAAA…_for those who are driven to drink._ ---
**Author:** ![Novus\_Opiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Novus\_Opiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novus_Opiate)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/9 "2001-11-24T00:18:58Z")
[Simpsons Reference] How about “Honk if you’re horny?” [/SR] Novus “One for Honk, please!” - Homer ---
**Author:** ![bibliophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bibliophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophile)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/10 "2001-11-24T00:37:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mdf \* > \*\*“Doing my part to piss off the religious right” > > If I can’t find the sticker itself, I may have to put it on a license plate frame. > > -mdf \*\* great idea. instead of a jesus fish, i have a darwin fish. i decided that after seeing thousands of fish stuck on bumpers for years, it was about time i got my own fish - with feet no less. ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/11 "2001-11-24T01:30:39Z")
Many of the bumperstickers mentioned in this thread and a whole lot more can be found at [Northern Sun Merchandising](http://www.northernsun.com/index.cgi/search?vPTJnmEb;;39). I wish I had a car just so I could cover it with some of the stickers sold here. Some less wholesome but still highly amusing/thought provoking stickers can be found at [unamerican.com](http://www.unamerican.com/catalog/index.htm) I wanted to quote a few of my favourites, but most of 'em aren’t IMHO-friendly language. “FOLLOW ME TO CERTAIN DEATH” amuses me, as does “JESUS HATES ME”, but you really gotta go peruse the rest of the stickers on the site. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/12 "2001-11-24T01:49:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jabe \* > \*\*I like singing ‘if I had a bumper sticker’ to the tune of ‘if I had a million dollars’ by Bare Naked Ladies. > \*\* But not a real bumper sticker, that’s cruel. ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/13 "2001-11-24T01:58:53Z")
I have one that says “Just because your paranoid, doesn’t mean that they’re NOT out to get you.” I get a lot of comments on it 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ticket-of-Leave-Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@The\_Ticket-of-Leave-Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ticket-of-Leave-Man)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/14 "2001-11-24T03:05:37Z")
I want a bumpersticker that says, disingenuously, **STAY BACK - HOT TAR** That should stop tailgaiters! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/15 "2001-11-24T03:29:50Z")
Saw a most excellent one in Berkeley this week while I was shopping for my Stetson Fedora; **Dog is my copilot.** All that was missing was a dog sitting in the passenger seat of the blue Volvo. In a subtly related vein, there was a spray painted sign on the sidewalk that read; **Resist Patriotism** [sub]Replete with the circled capital A logo for anarchists[/sub] This is surpassed in obscurity only by; **White Alaska Sucks** Which I also saw in Berkeley. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/16 "2001-11-24T06:47:37Z")
The **Dog is my Copilot** sticker of which Zenster writes was probably purchased from [http://www.bark.com](http://www.bark.com) It’s a great magazine, sort of like a dog oriented _New Yorker_ or _Atlantic Monthly_. Good fun for if you love your dog but aren’t obsessed… I have a darwin looking fish with a wrench in its hand, the center saying “EVOLVE” from [http://www.EvolveFISH.com](http://www.EvolveFISH.com) but I haven’t put it on my truck (I’m waiting to evolve into a better truck). My crappy thrift store coffee table is covered in bumper stickers (and I’m moving to Oakland, so if anyone wants this 75 lb garish monstrosity you can come pick it up—a work of art, FREE ! 😛 ) Some personal faves from the coffee table are: Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket? Trees don’t grow on money either Hotter than Bond. Cooler than Bullitt. SHAFT’s his name. SHAFT’s his game. FIGHT PRIME TIME. READ A BOOK. Punk Bitch. CASTRATE RAPISTS: It’s the only way to be sure [aside: yes, actually, I know it’s not, but the idea still makes me happy] My favourite bumpersticker on my truck is one I got in Bisbee, AZ from Black Rose S. Makai Tattooer: WE TATTOOED YOUR HONOR STUDENT ---
**Author:** ![Getimboys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Getimboys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Getimboys)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/17 "2001-11-24T23:05:37Z")
Two good ones I’ve seen in my college town: “Eschew Obfuscation” (Ok, I needed a dictionary, which made it funnier) and On a Red Sticker) “If this sticker appears blue, you’re driving too fast.” I once saw an old car completely covered in stickers (roof too!), and one on the bumper said “Don’t remove this bumper sticker, it’s holding on the bumper.” I’d like one that says (in small print) “If you can read this, yes, I’m slowing down to tick you off.” ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/18 "2001-11-24T23:19:17Z")
made me think of a song, too. Mine was Bruce Cockburn- to the tune of “If I had a rocket launcher” “If I had a bumper Sticker Some son of a bitch would die” b. [sub]shit, was that out loud?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/19 "2001-11-25T01:20:25Z")
Once, on a beater car, I saw a sticker that said “This car is not abandoned.” Next to that one there was one that said, “Do me a favor and steal this car.” hehe ---
**Author:** ![PlanMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@PlanMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlanMan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937/20 "2001-11-25T01:27:47Z")
Back in college (waaaay back, early 1970’s), during the referendum on the Atlanta transit system (MARTA), I had this on my mid-60’s vintage Opel Kadette “Get This Heap Off the Road - Vote YES” The referendum passed, and my heap left the roads of Atlanta - I tranferred to a university closer to home (and a major closer to being do-able). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-had-have-a-bumper-sticker/94937.md?page=2)