# If I hear the words "I only date tall guys" one more time... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498 "2010-07-29T20:22:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/61 "2010-07-30T07:47:53Z")
Couple thoughts: 1. If this keeps happening to you (meeting superficial women,) maybe you should look into how you are selecting these women. Are you only dating blondes, petites, leggy quasi-models, etc.? For a while, I kept ending up with lesbians. I suddenly realized that it was because I was picking lesbians, not that I had horrible luck. 2. When a woman says they want X, they generally mean they want “average.” If average is high school dropouts, an AA degree will be king. Imho, you need to travel a little and see what’s happening outside your immediate area. 3. You’d be surprised how much power men have in dating and relationships. If you find a girl you want, don’t let a superficial refusal like this turn you away. Keep trying, show her you want her, and treat her well. There’s a reason some guys can “get any girl they want,” and it’s never related to sex, money or looks. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/62 "2010-07-30T12:55:16Z")
I see it all the time on dating sites. With height preferences I’ve seen there’s very few that say “I like tall guys” but more will say “Don’t respond if you’re under 5’ 10” " Well thanks a lot bitch! One of these days I think I’ll just ask one outright why me being 5’8" makes me undatable. I mean they’ve already discounted me as a write-off before they even know I exist, what do I have to lose right? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/63 "2010-07-30T13:33:20Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > No girl wants to feel like some big clumsy amazon, we want to feel pretty and dainty and feminine. I suspect that the short men who are successful in dating women of all sizes, even ones taller than them, have found a way to short circuit this insecurity in that type of woman. I disagree with this. A man can’t fix a woman’s insecurity about her height. Just like a tall woman can’t make a shorter guy overcome _his_ insecurities. People resolve their own insecurities. I’m a whopping 5’9 and amazed that any woman shorter than me could feel like an lumbering Amazon. Not that I never feel like that way, but being with a man who is shorter than me doesn’t bring on those feelings. It’s all in how I see myself, irrespective of who I’m dating. Since my idea of feminimity isn’t tied to my height (my weight is a different story), I don’t feel the need to look up to a man in order to feel like an attractive woman. Taller women who date shorter men probably are like me in this regard. They are secure within themselves when it comes to their height and therefore don’t put a premium on having a tall BF. I think it’s also safe to assume that shorter men who date taller women do not define their masculinity by how high they can reach. I think that’s part of their appeal to me. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/64 "2010-07-30T13:58:40Z")
Go for shorter women. I’m 5’ 2" (barely). The (Latin) guy I’m dating right now is 5’ 6". We fit together _perfectly_. I have a height limit: I don’t like dating men over 5’ 10". The reason for that was alluded to upthread: because if I’m on the bottom during sex, my face gets pinned under his chest somewhere (usually in the neighborhood of his armpit) and I can’t breathe. That sucks. With my current beau, I can keep my chin above his shoulder and breathe comfortably no matter what position we’re in. And I can kiss him without having to balance on my tippy toes to get to him. It’s great! Anyway, he’s a buff, hunky Latino, so he has enough ego for both of us; it doesn’t seem to bother him when I put on my 4" or 5" hooker heels to go dancing or something. It’s actually better because 4" hooker heels make us the same height so we look _awesome_ dancing. I love shorter men. When single, I will scan the room, scope out all the short men and make a point of talking to the ones who are with tall friends (who are getting all the chicks’ attention). I also make a point of talking to the shy, quiet, laid-back guys, completely ignoring the aggressive alpha males. The tall, blustery alphas get plenty of attention, so my attention doesn’t mean as much to them as it does to a short, shy man. Usually, when I’m paying attention to the guys who aren’t getting as much attention as the others, I generally get their attention all to myself and don’t have to compete with a bunch of nasty, shallow bitches to talk to a nice guy. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/65 "2010-07-30T14:30:30Z")
Everyone is entitled to their own preference. And each preference is individual. But when the preferences becomes a collective trend, it does become annoying if you don’t match up to the ‘norm’. I’m 5’6" myself. I know a lot of women in their 20s. And they **all** say “I wouldn’t date a short man”. Quotes from them variously include “I want someone huge, to make me feel small”, “I want someone who can wrap their arms around me and make me disappear”, and one, describing an asshole we know: “he’s the kind of guy that you think is attractive when you first meet him - I mean, he’s tall…” My ex wife was nearly 6’. I only had insecurities about how we looked together for about a month when we first got together, then I got used to it. She must have too - we were together more than 10 years. But after we broke up, she said “I will never date another guy who is shorter than me.” Thanks a fucking bunch, darlin’, that’s really pleasant. Tonight I’m taking out a girl who’s 5’. I think she’s so short she hasn’t noticed my lack of stature yet… ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/66 "2010-07-30T15:07:54Z")
It’s not stature but presence that makes an impact. Improve your posture and you’ll look like a lord among slouching goons. Suck in that gut, pull in that chin, and fix your gaze into a steely yet wry visage. Put the back of your skull, the blades of your shoulders and the prominences of your buttocks on a single imaginary pole. Breathe from the diaphram, exulting in the vitality of your body. No woman alive would hesitate to kneel in your toenail clippings while she sucks your wiener. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/67 "2010-07-30T15:29:47Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > I see it all the time on dating sites. With height preferences I’ve seen there’s very few that say “I like tall guys” but more will say “Don’t respond if you’re under 5’ 10” " Well thanks a lot bitch! One of these days I think I’ll just ask one outright why me being 5’8" makes me undatable. I mean they’ve already discounted me as a write-off before they even know I exist, what do I have to lose right? Actually, I just did this. I admit, I went a little sarcastic on her. I wrote her back a couple of days later and said, “I think I grew a couple of inches over the weekend. That puts me close to your ‘you must be this tall’ sign. Maybe we could meet now?!” ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/68 "2010-07-30T15:32:58Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > When single, I will scan the room, scope out all the short men and make a point of talking to the ones who are with tall friends (who are getting all the chicks’ attention). I also make a point of talking to the shy, quiet, laid-back guys, completely ignoring the aggressive alpha males. The tall, blustery alphas get plenty of attention, so my attention doesn’t mean as much to them as it does to a short, shy man. Usually, when I’m paying attention to the guys who aren’t getting as much attention as the others, I generally get their attention all to myself and don’t have to compete with a bunch of nasty, shallow bitches to talk to a nice guy. I don’t mean any offense by this, but I’m calling bullshit. Women who do the things quoted here don’t exist. Period. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/69 "2010-07-30T15:35:55Z")
There are plenty of women for you, OP, out there. I’m 5’2" and “short” men suited me just fine. (Tall men? Got no use for ‘em! Go away, giraffes, you make my neck hurt, looking up at you, lol! ) Whenever I hear something about women seeking only the tall men, I think of my mother’s good friend Miriam decades ago - 5’ 10", ‘career gal’ complete with leopard print clothes, a black beehive, inch long red fingernails, size 10 high heels, smelling of Chanel No. 5 and cigarettes. She had a deep husky voice and sat for hours with my mom, talking about her quest for Mr. Right …“so we went to Chez Paul’s, but I had to wear the kitten heel sandals because he’s SHORT, Sali’s Mom! Where are all the tall guys? I like a Tall Man, Sali’s Mom, he’s gotta be a Tall Man!” So every time I see an amazon of a certain age I always hear Miriam’s deep voice in my head…"…I like a Tall Man…"…Bottom line, OP, not everyone is like Miriam. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/70 "2010-07-30T15:39:11Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > > [@Dogzilla](#): > > > > When single, I will scan the room, scope out all the short men and make a point of talking to the ones who are with tall friends (who are getting all the chicks’ attention). I also make a point of talking to the shy, quiet, laid-back guys, completely ignoring the aggressive alpha males. The tall, blustery alphas get plenty of attention, so my attention doesn’t mean as much to them as it does to a short, shy man. Usually, when I’m paying attention to the guys who aren’t getting as much attention as the others, I generally get their attention all to myself and don’t have to compete with a bunch of nasty, shallow bitches to talk to a nice guy. > > I don’t mean any offense by this, but I’m calling bullshit. Women who do the things quoted here don’t exist. Period. I don’t know about other women, but I exist and I do this. Believe it or not. I meet a lot of really great guys this way and don’t have to filter out the assholes as much. Women who don’t pay attention to the social dynamics and understand that sometimes the reserved, laid-back guys are the smartest and funniest and awesomest in the room are retarded, but that’s fine. More mens for me. Go ahead, ladies, and chase after that alpha male if you like, but you’ll have a much better batting average if you go for the quiet/shy ones. I will give you this, though. I’m 41 and it took me quite a few years of being dissed and ignored by alphas before I figured out that the roads lesser traveled are usually _much_ more interesting. It may be bullshit that most 20-somethings do this, but “women of a certain age” have figured out a thing or two. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TheMerchandise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b487fb/32.png) [@TheMerchandise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheMerchandise)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/71 "2010-07-30T15:41:37Z")
I used to only date tall men. Not even from personal preference, but just because I lived in the Land of Giants. I’m 5’5” and ended up with men 6’+. My boyfriend now is 5’7” and his height makes things so much easier! Vertical kisses! Hugs where my face isn’t digging into his bellybutton! Although, when something is on the high shelf, we’re both stuck. But we’re stuck together! Bliss! I am happy to write up a pro-short guy testimonial for anyone who might want to carry it in their wallet. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/72 "2010-07-30T16:07:51Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > \ > I don’t know about other women, but I exist and I do this. Believe it or not. I meet a lot of really great guys this way and don’t have to filter out the assholes as much. Women who don’t pay attention to the social dynamics and understand that sometimes the reserved, laid-back guys are the smartest and funniest and awesomest in the room are retarded, but that’s fine. More mens for me. Go ahead, ladies, and chase after that alpha male if you like, but you’ll have a much better batting average if you go for the quiet/shy ones. > > I will give you this, though. I’m 41 and it took me quite a few years of being dissed and ignored by alphas before I figured out that the roads lesser traveled are usually _much_ more interesting. It may be bullshit that most 20-somethings do this, but “women of a certain age” have figured out a thing or two. 😉 I agree with all of this. I also agree with the poster up-thread who was glad that all the other women overlooked their guy, so he was available for them. I also agree that it might take a while for the ladies to start getting this; I wouldn’t expect this perspective from a 20 year old young adult. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/73 "2010-07-30T16:26:49Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I agree with all of this. I also agree with the poster up-thread who was glad that all the other women overlooked their guy, so he was available for them. I also agree that it might take a while for the ladies to start getting this; I wouldn’t expect this perspective from a 20 year old young adult. This is kind of what I fear. I’ve got the temperament of someone 20 years older than I am, and I expect I’ll eventually find someone my age who takes an interest in me. But damn what I wouldn’t give to find a 20-something right now. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/74 "2010-07-30T16:27:43Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Actually, I just did this. I admit, I went a little sarcastic on her. I wrote her back a couple of days later and said, “I think I grew a couple of inches over the weekend. That puts me close to your ‘you must be this tall’ sign. Maybe we could meet now?!” I bet she immediately came crawling back to you, seeing the err of her ways. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/75 "2010-07-30T16:37:50Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > > [@Dogzilla](#): > > > > When single, I will scan the room, scope out all the short men and make a point of talking to the ones who are with tall friends (who are getting all the chicks’ attention). I also make a point of talking to the shy, quiet, laid-back guys, completely ignoring the aggressive alpha males. The tall, blustery alphas get plenty of attention, so my attention doesn’t mean as much to them as it does to a short, shy man. Usually, when I’m paying attention to the guys who aren’t getting as much attention as the others, I generally get their attention all to myself and don’t have to compete with a bunch of nasty, shallow bitches to talk to a nice guy. > > I don’t mean any offense by this, but I’m calling bullshit. Women who do the things quoted here don’t exist. Period. Your problem isn’t that you’re short. Your problem is that you are hostile and insecure about a feature you can’t control that unfortunately can be a point of attractiveness (or unattractiveness). Instead of realizing that you can’t change it, you get bitter and nasty. _That_ is what shines through and what’ll make your dating prospects bad, long-term. When I was in high school, I worked at a garage. I worked with a guy named Jay (he was about 22 or 24). He was short. And by short, I mean 5’3". That guy was a fuckin’ playa, man. He had tons of dates with really awesome and hot women. Know why? Because he was confident, charismatic and didn’t give a rip about being short. And if a chick turned him down because he was short, he’d smile and say, “eh, no big!” with a grin. If he got sarcastic towards them? I think his dating prospects would’ve ended up like yours. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/76 "2010-07-30T16:37:58Z")
I’m 5’1", so this doesn’t come up for me so much. Also married to a guy who’s 5’8", so not too tall. I always guessed it would be physically awkward being with a guy more than a foot taller than me, but I know quite a few girls who are with guys WAY taller than they are. (like, five feet vs 6’5") ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/77 "2010-07-30T16:46:04Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > I see it all the time on dating sites. With height preferences I’ve seen there’s very few that say “I like tall guys” but more will say “Don’t respond if you’re under 5’ 10” " Well thanks a lot bitch! One of these days I think I’ll just ask one outright why me being 5’8" makes me undatable. I mean they’ve already discounted me as a write-off before they even know I exist, what do I have to lose right? When you go into a shoe store do you try on every size? No. When you go to a grocery store do buy every item in the store? No. People have preferences in music, food, styles, and mates. It’s not about you personally, they’re just using a filter to reduce the sheer number of choices available. If someone in an online dating site said “All welcome to apply” they would have 50,000 messages. It’s just practical to use some filter to manage that. Now, if they met you, got to know you, and then dropped that one you it would be slightly different, but only slightly. If it’s not clicking for them, some people try to find less direct ways to express that. As stupid as it sounds “I only date tall guys” can be an attempt to let you down gently, however ham-handed it comes off. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/78 "2010-07-30T16:54:12Z")
I’m 5’9" and I’ll admit to having a preferance for men taller than me, although I did date a few that were my height. It’s not that I don’t think great things come in small packages, it’s that because I am tall-ish for a female, I spend a lot of time feeling like a big GIANT, it’s kind of nice to have a guy that makes me feel a little more delicate. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/79 "2010-07-30T17:02:07Z")
My mother is 5’ (probably closer to 4’11" really) and my father is 6’3". When I first started realizing where babies come from I spent just enough time to permanently scar myself wondering how I could possibly have been created. My husband and I are pretty close to exactly the same height (5’7" and 5’8") and other than rarely wearing high heels it’s changed nothing about my life. I do occasionally miss the high heels but not enough to give him up 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498/80 "2010-07-30T17:33:36Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > I’m short, fat, 40 and poor. Dating a gorgeous 24-year-old. Happens. Wow, that’s fantastic! For you, I mean. Feel kinda bad for her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-hear-the-words-i-only-date-tall-guys-one-more-time/548498.md?page=5)