# If I Only Had A Gun: stories that would be completely different if people were armed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 6, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453 "2022-11-06T03:31:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/1 "2022-11-06T03:31:23Z")
Everyone cheered when Indiana Jones, faced with a double-scimitar wielding assassin, effectively said “screw this”, drew his Smith & Wesson and just shot the guy. And there have been innumerable cartoons on the theme of “Dirty” Harry Potter sensibly putting a bullet through Voldemort’s head while Voldy is messing around with incantations and wand waving. The squealing helplessness (and stupidity) of victims in horror movies has drawn perennial comment. So: reimagine a scene where someone should have just gone John Wayne and ended a problem ballistically. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/2 "2022-11-06T03:37:00Z")
Lion King would be very different ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/3 "2022-11-06T03:38:35Z")
Mr. McGregor is going _down_. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/4 "2022-11-06T03:39:44Z")
It’s a Wonderful Life could have been wrapped up in 15 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/5 "2022-11-06T03:41:33Z")
If Charlie Brown had a gun, I bet Lucy would have kept that fucking ball on the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/6 "2022-11-06T03:43:21Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > It’s a Wonderful Life could have been wrapped up in 15 minutes Doubtless, but who are you thinking gets the bullet? ---
**Author:** ![Chingon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chingon/32/17645_2.png) [@Chingon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chingon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/7 "2022-11-06T03:45:11Z")
The drunk pharmacist does more than box his ear… ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/8 "2022-11-06T03:47:39Z")
I’m amazed the OP didn’t use the example from Wizards, but, hey, to each their own. 🙂 Honestly, Harry Potter is the one that always, always gets me with the assumption, which I’ve made in many grumpy rants over the years. About 3/4 of the various Batman films and series as well, as he constantly racks up a huge list of innocent victims from the revolving door at Arkham. A fact shared with many other brutal, but ‘won’t kill’ heroes and vigilantes. ETA - and don’t even get me started about various martial arts movies!!! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/9 "2022-11-06T03:52:00Z")
> [@ParallelLines](#): > > I’m amazed the OP didn’t use the example from Wizards, but, hey, to each their own. 🙂 D’Oh! 🤦‍♂️ ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/10 "2022-11-06T03:52:41Z")
_The Night The Reindeer Died._ No Lee Majors this time. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/11 "2022-11-06T04:38:03Z")
As shown in the Simpsons when they uncover the lost original ending of A Wonderful Life, “Killing Spree Ending” ---
**Author:** ![steepone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/977dab/32.png) [@steepone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steepone)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/12 "2022-11-06T05:26:29Z")
The James Bond movies would have to be the archetype of this, they would end very differently if instead of putting Bond in some easily escapable death trap the villain just pulled out a gun and shot him ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/13 "2022-11-06T06:02:27Z")
I could while away the hours Midst cemetery flowers And tombstones in the sun; And my Colt I’d be reloadin’ While thoughts they are explodin’ If I only had a gun… I’d riddle your fine torso With bullets even more so Your bleedin’ gives me fun And we’ll carry forth your casket If by chance you’d opt to ask it If you’ll let me have a gun My life could be a lesson As taught by Smith & Wesson You’ll learn when you should run 'Cause I’ll see that you deserve it It’s your fate so I will serve it Soon as I can get a gun ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/14 "2022-11-06T13:24:47Z")
_Psycho_ is why I always carry a gun when I’m in the shower at a hotel. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/15 "2022-11-06T13:54:46Z")
Shit, probably every episode of McGuyver. The first episode I watched had him captured by baddies, he escapes, gets recaptured because he won’t shoot people, McGuyvers another escape, gets recaptured _again_ because he won’t shoot people. I didn’t stick around to see if he got away again. I never watched another. You know, if you’re a pacifist, maybe being in the spy/murdering business isn’t for you? ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/16 "2022-11-06T14:10:16Z")
What about Batman? He has every “bat” tool on his belt but in the end he and Robin end up duking it out with the bad guys instead of using the bat pistol. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/17 "2022-11-06T14:33:22Z")
Austin Powers. “Just get a gun, well shoot him.” Instead they are lowered into a tank of ill tempered fish something like that. Didn’t have sharks with lasers on their heads. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/18 "2022-11-06T14:50:27Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > Lion King would be very different How so? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/19 "2022-11-06T14:51:28Z")
> [@Chingon](#): > > If Charlie Brown had a gun, I bet Lucy would have kept that fucking ball on the ground. No, Lucy would be dead. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/20 "2022-11-06T14:58:22Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > What about Batman? > > He has every “bat” tool on his belt but in the end he and Robin end up duking it out with the bad guys instead of using the bat pistol But that’s just it: even when Adam West was, uh, at bat, our hero was seen carrying — and drawing, and firing — a gun; it’s not, per the thread, about the presence of a gun, but that he’d genuinely rather duke it out with the bad guy du jour than shoot. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453.md?page=2)