# If I Only Had A Gun: stories that would be completely different if people were armed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 6, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453 "2022-11-06T03:31:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/41 "2022-11-06T22:49:55Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > But that’s just it: even when Adam West was, uh, at bat, our hero was seen carrying — and drawing, and firing — a gun IIRC, Adam West never carried, drew or fired a gun on the ‘60s _Batman_ TV series. [https://www.imfdb.org/wiki/Batman\_(1966\_TV\_Series)](https://www.imfdb.org/wiki/Batman_(1966_TV_Series)) Granted, “This article is still under construction. It may contain factual errors” suggests there could be omissions, I don’t recall any. Possibly, he used a custom rifle in an episode or the ’66 movie? I seem to recall seeing a still of such a scene, but it may have been PR only. _The Catcher in the Rye_ would likely turn out very differently if Mr. Caulfield had a gun to express his teen angst. Having a gun certainly would have helped Loana (Raquel Welch) avoid the clutches of the pterodactyl and other prehistoric perils in _One Million Years B.C._ (1966). It hardly would have been any more anachronistic than the rest of the film. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/42 "2022-11-06T22:55:14Z")
Gilligan’s Island. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/43 "2022-11-06T22:59:18Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > Gilligan’s Island They actually had several guns, just no bullets. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/44 "2022-11-06T23:10:54Z")
> [@Dropo](#): > > IIRC, Adam West never carried, drew or fired a gun on the ‘60s _Batman_ TV series. “True or False Face/Holy Rat Race” has Robin get glued down to train tracks with quick-setting plastic cement for the cliffhanger; we’re told that _a bull elephant couldn’t break these bonds_, which probably explains why, AFAICT, Batman simply draws a raygun and fires it at the stuff. Later in the same episode, the villain’s minions are standing near some conveniently-placed netting; Batman, AFAICT, simply produces the same raygun and fires it to cut the ropes just so as to have the netting drop down and snare ‘em. [![](https://i0.wp.com/www.tor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Batman-FalseFace04.jpg?type=vertical) ](https://i0.wp.com/www.tor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Batman-FalseFace04.jpg?type=vertical) ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/45 "2022-11-06T23:14:05Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > They actually had several guns, just no bullets. This actually brought to mind a sub-category of the OP - “For want of a bullet, the story was extended!” Particularly in various Post-Apocalyptic stories / movies (think Max Max), the story goes on and on because one or both sides lacks ammunition to finish the conflict. The bullets are worth more than lives! Just reverse the following trope for this thread, keeping in mind the first couple of lines - > **[Guns Are Worthless - TV Tropes](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GunsAreWorthless)** > > Firearms are the best personal weapons humanity has developed to date. Their cost-efficiency, lethality, range, and passable ease of use is unmatched. However, such ruthless efficiency doesn't usually serve fictional plots very well. For the sake … > Firearms are the best personal weapons humanity has developed to date. Their cost-efficiency, lethality, range, and passable ease of use is unmatched. > > However, [such ruthless efficiency doesn’t usually serve fictional plots very well](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InverseLawOfUtilityAndLethality). For [the sake of drama](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleOfDrama), if a hero’s access to guns is unavoidable in a fictional milieu, writers will tend to use the plot to defang their effectiveness. But again, this thread is more about > **[Why Don't You Just Shoot Him? - TV Tropes](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WhyDontYouJustShootHim)** > > Villains frequently find themselves in conundrums that could easily be solved by finding the right person and putting a bullet in the offender's head. But for whatever reason, some villains continue to refrain from taking the pragmatic approach … ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2022, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/46 "2022-11-06T23:18:54Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > > [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > > > Gilligan’s Island > > They actually had several guns, just no bullets. - Who was the armorer on set? Don Knotts? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/47 "2022-11-07T00:03:19Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Who was the armorer on set? Don Knotts? Dunno; I’ll have to review the Internet Movie Firearms Data Base entries for Gilligan’s Island and get back to you. ---
**Author:** ![FlikTheBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fliktheblue/32/10972_2.png) [@FlikTheBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlikTheBlue)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/48 "2022-11-07T00:12:58Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > The squealing helplessness (and stupidity) of victims in horror movies has drawn perennial comment. Most horror movies would proceed without any change. Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, etc. would just laugh (the first two metaphorically) and proceed to dispatch the hapless person with the gun. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/49 "2022-11-07T00:44:52Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Jesus Christ: “Crucify _this_!” BAM! BAM! BAM! I’m imagining the first scene in 2001. The primate lifts the bone to brain his rival–and the rival turns around with a Smith & Wesson. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/50 "2022-11-07T00:46:31Z")
“He would have finished Goddam off then and there, but pity stayed his hand. ‘It’s a pity I’ve run out of bullets,’ he thought.” ― Henry N. Beard, [Bored of the Rings: A Parody of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/306544) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/51 "2022-11-07T00:47:08Z")
> [@steepone](#): > > The James Bond movies would have to be the archetype of this, they would end very differently if instead of putting Bond in some easily escapable death trap the villain just pulled out a gun and shot him Oh, they try. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/mvEI8B9Zj78/maxresdefault.jpg "Keep your Hands up honkey scene") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvEI8B9Zj78&t=123) ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/52 "2022-11-07T00:48:29Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/mqISX2o0a4A/maxresdefault.jpg "Djesus Uncrossed (Director's Cut) - SNL") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqISX2o0a4A) ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/53 "2022-11-07T01:19:12Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > > [@running\_coach](#): > > > > Who was the armorer on set? Don Knotts? > > Dunno; I’ll have to review the Internet Movie Firearms Data Base entries for Gilligan’s Island and get back to you Okay, according to the IMFDB here’s the rundown on the castaway’s guns: - The Skipper had a Colt Police .38 (which Gilligan stupidly shot off the last two rounds of). - The Howells had a .25 Automatic Colt Pistol - Ginger had a Colt Detective .38 (loaded with stage blanks). In addition, the castaways recovered: - A WW2-vintage Thompson submachine gun (which _Mr. Howell_ stupidly shot away all it’s ammo). - An Arisaka 99 rifle confiscated from the Japanese soldier - Also, a Bren machine gun, also confiscated from the Japanese soldier. Where not otherwise stated, it is presumed that the guns have no ammunition. Gilligan flatly tells one visitor that they have guns but no bullets; the castaways are shown crafting improvised weapons, and otherwise appear helpless before hostile visitors to the island. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/54 "2022-11-07T01:23:18Z")
> [@susan](#): > > Bored of the Rings: A Parody of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings Also: “In his hand he carried an ancient and trustworthy weapon, called by the elves a Browning semi-automatic” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/55 "2022-11-07T01:24:43Z")
Do we need a new thread “If Only I Had Bullets”? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/56 "2022-11-07T01:33:27Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > Do we need a new thread “If Only I Had Bullets”? > . Well in the case of Gilligan’s Island, they could have found twenty US Army ammo dumps and Gilligan would have somehow destroyed them all. 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/57 "2022-11-07T01:44:56Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Well in the case of Gilligan’s Island, they could have found twenty US Army ammo dumps and Gilligan would have somehow destroyed them all. 🙄 Man, if they’ve got bamboo and seaweed and coconuts and tree sap and powdered clamshells and the Professor, then having a cache of bullets would save them, what, twenty whole minutes? ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/58 "2022-11-07T01:46:55Z")
Now, if the entire von Trapp family had guns… ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/59 "2022-11-07T02:53:00Z")
[“He knows, Doctor!”](https://youtu.be/wrfa5XB9bWg) [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wrfa5XB9bWg/hqdefault.jpg "Star Trek - Arena - He Knows, Doctor!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrfa5XB9bWg) ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/60 "2022-11-07T03:49:47Z")
> [@Kropotkin](#): > > Now, if the entire von Trapp family had guns… They’d be trap shooters? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453.md?page=4)