# If I Only Had A Gun: stories that would be completely different if people were armed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 6, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453 "2022-11-06T03:31:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Pavelb1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Pavelb1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pavelb1)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/61 "2022-11-07T03:56:27Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/PFM2PB097mE/maxresdefault.jpg "Libertarian Horror Movies") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFM2PB097mE) ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/62 "2022-11-07T06:58:29Z")
Now this really makes me want to see a “Punisher kills the entire monster universe” movie. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/63 "2022-11-07T13:50:27Z")
I was thinking more, the Nazis are defeated in Austria by the family, Hitler becomes a repentant goatherd, and we are all spared The Sound of Music in a win-win-win scenario. But trap shooting is good, too. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/64 "2022-11-07T14:42:16Z")
> [@Dropo](#): > > _The Catcher in the Rye_ would likely turn out very differently if Mr. Caulfield had a gun to express his teen angst. Page Two: “I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. Starting now, from the top of this tower, with this M82 sniper rifle…” Page Three: Acknowledgements. ---
**Author:** ![peccavi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peccavi/32/388_2.png) [@peccavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peccavi)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/65 "2022-11-07T15:14:03Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I used to work with a guy who was a gun nut. He was telling me how he was always armed. Not just in public; he carried a gun at all times in his home in case somebody broke into his house. > > So I made what I thought would be a joke and asked him what would happen if somebody broke into his house while he was taking a shower. > > He told me he was prepared for that. He had built a shelf in his shower up above where the water came down where he kept his gun while showering. Was it this guy? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/JrYtD7gSWsI/maxresdefault.jpg "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (10/12) Movie CLIP - When You Have to Shoot, Shoot (1966) HD") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrYtD7gSWsI&t=36) ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/66 "2022-11-07T15:15:41Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > A frustrated producer turns to O’Neill and asks how they should deal with the alien threat and he replies, “Just shoot it.” Yeah, O’Neill was generally pretty good about the use of firearms. There was one episode, in which he explained that the Goa’uld weapons like the Staff Weapon, while fancy, were intended to terrorize a population, while the human weapons were intended to kill the opposition. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NjlCVW_ouL8/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AHUBoAC4AOKAgwIABABGFcgZShCMA8=&rs=AOn4CLDxXMgwpH-nvM2EfTYo9ja5zit5CA "Stargate SG-1 P90 demonstration") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjlCVW_ouL8) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/67 "2022-11-07T15:39:42Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > What about Batman? Batman did have and use guns early on. His character was pretty much ripped off from The Shadow, who used guns all the time. > **[Batman and his complicated history with guns](https://www.gamesradar.com/history-batman-guns/)** > > "Batman would never use a gun!" But he has, and Newsarama and some experts look at the history of Batman and firearms ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/68 "2022-11-07T17:01:58Z")
“Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/69 "2022-11-07T18:36:19Z")
Never mind Bruce. What if Thomas Wayne had had a gun? “You ever dance with the devil in the… oops! Never mind! Sorry!” ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/70 "2022-11-07T20:31:04Z")
“How do you solve a problem like Maria”? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2022, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/71 "2022-11-07T22:46:35Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > So I made what I thought would be a joke and asked him what would happen if somebody broke into his house while he was taking a shower. > > He told me he was prepared for that. He had built a shelf in his shower up above where the water came down where he kept his gun while showering. I’m reminded of one of Harry Harrison’s Stainless Steel Rat novels. “Slippery Jim” diGriz and his wife/partner in crime Angelina are in the shower together when intruders try to catch them off guard. But the diGriz’s are never unprepared and have guns at hand even in the shower. ETA: see [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CantBatheWithoutAWeapon](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CantBatheWithoutAWeapon) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2022, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/72 "2022-11-13T19:57:10Z")
The 3 Little Pigs? “Little pig, little pig, let me in.” “Not by the lead in my Smith & Wesson.” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2022, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/73 "2022-11-13T20:04:04Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > > > So I made what I thought would be a joke and asked him what would happen if somebody broke into his house while he was taking a shower. > > > > He told me he was prepared for that. He had built a shelf in his shower up above where the water came down where he kept his gun while showering. > > I’m reminded of one of Harry Harrison’s Stainless Steel Rat novels. “Slippery Jim” diGriz and his wife/partner in crime Angelina are in the shower together when intruders try to catch them off guard. But the diGriz’s are never unprepared and have guns at hand even in the shower. > > ETA: see [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CantBatheWithoutAWeapon](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CantBatheWithoutAWeapon) He has an excuse. Everyone _is_ out to get him. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2022, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/74 "2022-11-13T20:31:16Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > He has an excuse. Everyone _is_ out to get him. Bond should always have a weapon in the shower as well. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2022, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453/75 "2022-11-13T20:58:56Z")
I could while away the hours (bang!) Conferrin’ with the flowers (pow!) Consultin’ with someone (ek-ek-ek-ek ek ek) And my head I’d be a scratchin’ While my thoughts are busy hatchin’ If I only had a gun (pew! pew!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-only-had-a-gun-stories-that-would-be-completely-different-if-people-were-armed/974453.md?page=3)