# If I put this uranium ore down my underpants what would happen?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [May 8, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980 "2014-05-08T15:48:46Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/1 "2014-05-08T15:48:46Z")
Uranium ore, you can [buy it](http://www.imagesco.com/geiger/uranium-ore.html) at [del]$25.00[/del] $24.95.
Same question goes for the more potent stuff, at $150.00
Interested mostly in effect of radiation. Half-life probably not an issue as a purchasing decision. No doubt other effects will be suggested.
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### Author:  [@Dana\_Scully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dana_Scully)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/2 "2014-05-08T15:51:39Z")
Are you a man or woman?
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/3 "2014-05-08T15:57:18Z")
You’d be able to wear a T-Shirt saying **HOT** with a downward pointing arrow and not run afoul of truth-in-labeling laws.
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### Author:  [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/4 "2014-05-08T16:03:54Z")
♩ _Super penis, Super penis, does whatever a Super penis does… ♩_
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### Author:  [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/5 "2014-05-08T16:09:05Z")
Uranus will fall off.
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### Author:  [@Teuton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teuton)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/6 "2014-05-08T16:25:37Z")
[This link](http://modernsurvivalblog.com/nuclear/radiation-geiger-counter-the-radiation-network/) gives some interesting info.
According to that site, at 500CPM you’ll receive the US average annual exposure in 42 days. At 10,000CPM (the good stuff) you’ll reach that level in 2 days.
After 86 days, or 4 days with the more active ore, you’ll gain a 1 in 10,000 chance of cancer.
The other stat is “Days for earliest onset of radiation sickness”, which is 5,187 for the 500CPM sample and 259CPM for the 10,000CPM.
So, you’ll give yourself a slightly increased chance of cancer, eventually. And if you keep the high radiation stuff nearby for long enough, it might make you ill.
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### Author:  [@Peaton\_of\_peat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peaton_of_peat)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/7 "2014-05-08T16:26:57Z")
Uranium decays through alpha emission, which means that intact skin will protect you completely, although mucous membranes are very susceptible. It decays into thorium though, which decays through beta emission and can easily pass through skin to damage living tissue.
Considering all the mucous membranes in that area, I’d find a different pocket to keep your ore in, unless penile cancer is your thing.
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### Author:  [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/8 "2014-05-08T16:29:21Z")
> [@Teuton](#):
>
> [This link](http://modernsurvivalblog.com/nuclear/radiation-geiger-counter-the-radiation-network/) gives some interesting info.
>
> According to that site, at 500CPM you’ll receive the US average annual exposure in 42 days. At 10,000CPM (the good stuff) you’ll reach that level in 2 days.
>
> After 86 days, or 4 days with the more active ore, you’ll gain a 1 in 10,000 chance of cancer.
>
> The other stat is “Days for earliest onset of radiation sickness”, which is 5,187 for the 500CPM sample and 259CPM for the 10,000CPM.
>
> So, you’ll give yourself a slightly increased chance of cancer, eventually. And if you keep the high radiation stuff nearby for long enough, it might make you ill.
And you’d probably be to really mess with the radiologist the next time you go in for a CT scan.
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### Author:  [@Teuton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teuton)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/9 "2014-05-08T16:32:06Z")
> [@Teuton](#):
>
> The other stat is “Days for earliest onset of radiation sickness”, which is 5,187 for the 500CPM sample and 259CPM for the 10,000CPM.
5,187 and 259 Days, if that wasn’t clear.
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### Author:  [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/10 "2014-05-08T16:32:32Z")
Your pants will fall down.
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### Author:  [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/11 "2014-05-08T16:34:32Z")
You’d become the punchline of a very old joke.
_The ore goes in the **front** of your underpants._
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### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/12 "2014-05-08T16:40:01Z")
The various isotopes of uranium present in the ore all exhibit[alpha decay](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_decay). Bad if taken internally (where it can directly irradiate living tissue), but alpha radiation impinging on the outer surface of your body is stopped by the outermost layer of dead ski cells.
Edit: ninja’d by…everybody. shoulda refreshed before I replied… :smack:
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### Author:  [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/13 "2014-05-08T16:46:32Z")
As indicated by the website I think you would have created a scientific instrument.
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### Author:  [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/14 "2014-05-08T16:54:03Z")
Any erections you get lasting longer than 4.5 billion years, you should go see a doctor.
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### Author:  [@am77494](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/am77494)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/15 "2014-05-08T16:56:16Z")
You may have torn underpants or a hernia - you realize those are lead containers - right ?
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### Author:  [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/16 "2014-05-08T16:56:39Z")
Your username would take on a whole new meaning?
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### Author:  [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/17 "2014-05-08T16:59:39Z")
[Randy Marsh]It’s only a little cancer, Stan.
[/QUOTE]
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### Author:  [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/18 "2014-05-08T20:35:51Z")
If you are male - lightsabre
If female - the ability to, in complete darkness, see where you’re peeing. No more falling in should the seat be left up.
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### Author:  [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/19 "2014-05-08T21:06:57Z")
All the ladies would whisper to one another: “That **Leo Bloom** , he’s a real hottie in bed!”
( **Senegoid** rushes out to invest his life savings in uranium futures.)
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### Author:  [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)
#### Post date: [May 8, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-put-this-uranium-ore-down-my-underpants-what-would-happen/687980/20 "2014-05-08T21:20:30Z")
> [@Senegoid](#):
>
> All the ladies would whisper to one another: “That **Leo Bloom** , he’s a real hottie in bed!”
But the children will all resemble Godzilla.
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