# If I was God... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2007, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634 "2007-03-19T21:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![4JawChuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/f9ae1b/32.png) [@4JawChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4JawChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/1 "2007-03-19T21:52:00Z")
…and Adam And Eve ate that apple, I would’ve smitten them on the spot. Then I’d put a couple more people in the garden. I’d call them Brett and Marsha. If they ate the apple, they’d be gone, too. The next time, I’d use my super powers to create perfect people. Then I’d wonder why I didn’t do that in the first place. I admit, I would be a pretty messed-up God. What would YOU be like as God? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/2 "2007-03-19T21:54:34Z")
What do you mean _if_ I was God? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/3 "2007-03-19T21:57:43Z")
If this was in GD, I’d perhaps post a serious answer. Since we’re in MSPISMSMS, then my reply is the following: Ski-ball. ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/4 "2007-03-19T22:00:03Z")
If I was God, the people I would have created would have ALREADY known the difference between good and evil, because being a perfect God I would want them to know that I was the ultimate source of Good, and there was nothing to fear from them knowing it. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/5 "2007-03-19T22:01:09Z")
[QUOTE=crinz83] …and Adam And Eve ate that apple, I would’ve smitten them on the spot. Then I’d put a couple more people in the garden. I’d call them Brett and Marsha. If they ate the apple, they’d be gone, too. The next time, I’d use my super powers to create perfect people. Then I’d wonder why I didn’t do that in the first place. I admit, I would be a pretty messed-up God. What would YOU be like as God? [/QUOTE] Boy, I’ll say. [del]I’ve never heard of a God so fu[/del] …wait a minute… ::thumbs through Old Testament:: anything you want to tell us? ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/6 "2007-03-19T22:02:36Z")
If I were God, I’d yell my own name whenever I had an orgasm. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/7 "2007-03-19T22:06:15Z")
…there’d be no explicit sex on TV. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea… ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/8 "2007-03-19T22:06:37Z")
Adam and Eve would suffer an eternity of torment for defying me! No, that’d be boring. Knowledge of good and evil is ok with me, so that wouldn’t have been an issue - I’d put a little fence around the Tree of Life, lest they become as me… A little wire fence of DOOM! Then I’d probably get bored and build something interesting to destroy them. Then a virus to destroy that, then a race of tiny super smart beings, then curious but stupid giants, then I’d toss the whole thing into the sun and start over. ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/9 "2007-03-19T22:11:23Z")
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist] Adam and Eve would suffer an eternity of torment for defying me! No, that’d be boring. Knowledge of good and evil is ok with me, so that wouldn’t have been an issue - I’d put a little fence around the Tree of Life, lest they become as me… A little wire fence of DOOM! Then I’d probably get bored and build something interesting to destroy them. Then a virus to destroy that, then a race of tiny super smart beings, then curious but stupid giants, then I’d toss the whole thing into the sun and start over. [/QUOTE] …If God were ADD… ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/10 "2007-03-19T22:33:05Z")
…you wouldn’t be a stickler about the subjunctive case? ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/11 "2007-03-19T22:37:02Z")
[QUOTE=enigm4tic] …If God were ADD… [/QUOTE] Whadda mean “If”? Ever read that book of his? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/12 "2007-03-19T22:40:38Z")
If I were God, I’d change my name and enter into a witness protection program. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/13 "2007-03-19T22:46:21Z")
If I were Goddess, I’d make people so when you poke holes in them, all their blood doesn’t rush out. That was a design flaw, IMHO. No, I’d make things with power buttons. When it came time to die, you’d just push your button and painlessly shuffle off that mortal coil. I might think about a Reset button, as well. Also, scratching would actually relieve an itch and not make things worse. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/14 "2007-03-19T22:59:35Z")
If I were God, I’d have created Adam and Steve. They would have found something better to wear than those stupid fig leaves. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/15 "2007-03-19T23:06:40Z")
If I were God - First, I’d change the _old_ God into into a human and force him to work for eternity in a sweatshop owned by Pat Robertson. Then, rebooting the rest of the world, I’d make the Serpent co-equal to Adam & Eve as a reward for undercutting the old management, and throw in a girl Serpent. He, Adam and Eve would all get a taste of the Tree of Knowledge **and** the Tree of Life. I’d improve them in general ( we can rebuild them . . . we have the miracles . . . make them faster . . . stronger than before ! ) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/16 "2007-03-19T23:15:57Z")
I would not repeat the mistake of creating the universe. That made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/17 "2007-03-19T23:25:03Z")
If I were God, Death Pony would be _real_ ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/18 "2007-03-19T23:26:46Z")
[QUOTE=CynicalGabe] …there’d be no explicit sex on TV. Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea… [/QUOTE] Am I seriously the only other person here who got this song stuck in their head at the OP? ☹ If I were God… Everyone would use their blinker in traffic. It would be a compulsion, much like eating and shitting. ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/19 "2007-03-20T00:23:35Z")
If I were God, everyone would at least _consider_ being nice to each other. Oh, and ice cream would be good for you. ---
**Author:** ![Montgomery0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Montgomery0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montgomery0)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634/20 "2007-03-20T01:14:11Z")
If I were god, everything would be the same as now, except people would be made of bubblewrap. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-was-god/396634.md?page=2)