# If \*I\* were in a zombie apocolypse like Walking Dead... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2014, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032 "2014-03-31T23:47:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/21 "2014-04-01T22:46:39Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > That’s just what the main cast did in > > Zombieland > > It didn’t work out all that well. Of course, _Zombieland_ had some of the stupidest protagonists in the history of zombie movies. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/22 "2014-04-01T22:52:18Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > I don’t really understand the math of a zombie apocalypse. They move very slowly, and really aren’t great at strategy. Their main tactic is swarm and subdue, but that takes large numbers and has a high casualty rate, especially if the swarmee has a high-powered automatic rifle, which, based on my research, is usually. > > So, I’d try to lie low, avoid swarms of zombies, and let them and the NRA duke it out. That’s basically what I do now. Zombies aren’t that easy to kill… as long as there’s brain left, they will move and try to bite you. And remember that a single bite is enough, so one single zombie can kill you too. So guns aren’t such a hot idea in the Walking Dead scenario: they make a lot of noise, run out of ammo and require somebody capable of hitting the head of the zombie. So I’m going for a sturdy fence and a sharp. pointy metal stick to kill the zombies through the orbit of their skulls. I’d try to get into any group, because there’s a lot of strength in numbers, both against the dead and the ensuing roving bands of looters, and get into some place that’s made to avoid easy access. A school would be, for instance, a good idea. An amusement park, designed to allow an insane amount of people constantly in and out? Not a great concept. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/23 "2014-04-01T22:54:57Z")
> [@toofs](#): > > So: do what the Army and Marines are doing in Afghanistan. Will do, once I get my copy of “Dummies Guide to what the Army and Marines are Doing in Afghanistan” from Amazon. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/24 "2014-04-01T22:56:46Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > I don’t really understand the math of a zombie apocalypse. They move very slowly, and really aren’t great at strategy. Their main tactic is swarm and subdue, but that takes large numbers and has a high casualty rate, especially if the swarmee has a high-powered automatic rifle, which, based on my research, is usually. > > So, I’d try to lie low, avoid swarms of zombies, and let them and the NRA duke it out. That’s basically what I do now. Not all settings have them moving slowly. But what works (for me) is the initial zombie outbreak. You’re just an office drone, so all you have to fend off your former loved ones and co-workers is maybe a shovel, a knife or your briefcase. You can’t actually save any of them (but you don’t know that until you try). In my mind, the zombie movie needs to END once you find a high-powered rifle and a farmhouse. The problem (again, in my mind) is that people want long-running series and sequels and so you have to either stupidify the characters in order to make the zombies an ongoing threat or evilify them so that the survivors fight each other with zombies in the background. When you do that, you inevitably create scenarios that just don’t quite make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/25 "2014-04-01T23:00:18Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > Zombies aren’t that easy to kill… [You mean the movie _lied?_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqSniLCtzk4&t=1m44s) ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/26 "2014-04-01T23:26:15Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > I don’t really understand the math of a zombie apocalypse. They move very slowly, and really aren’t great at strategy. Their main tactic is swarm and subdue, but that takes large numbers and has a high casualty rate, especially if the swarmee has a high-powered automatic rifle, which, based on my research, is usually. > > So, I’d try to lie low, avoid swarms of zombies, and let them and the NRA duke it out. That’s basically what I do now. I agree: the number of ambulatory dead here in the US wouldn’t be very high - [I asked this question in GQ a couple of years ago](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=665979), by the way. In my county, about 30 people die per day. Assuming there is a 15 day period between death and burial/cremation for each corpse, there will be a whopping 450 people rising up in funeral homes, morgues, and hospitals. Some of these 450 will be encased in one way or another and can’t get out of their location, others will be, er, rendered “unwalkable” by brain injuries or missing legs. Regardless, I quite expect the good ol’ boy contingent to be quite capable of taking care of things even before we need to get the police (much less the army) involved. To answer the question with something yet unsaid, but still obvious: I would ban exhumations. “Sorry that your dad is buried next to the bitch that became your stepmother, but we’re also not going to move him next to your mom’s grave because, you know, ZOMBIE DAD.” There’s usually just a single character who takes the time to learn how to do things that need doing while everybody else is doing actiony things\* and killing zeds. In my zombie-apocalypse, I need people hitting the books, learning about setting a broken arm, sepsis, how to fight the common cold, dietary information, how to build a windmill, how to build a damn, how to get the power back on, etc etc etc. If it’s just me and my honey, I’m moving someplace where I can fish. The environment is going to clean itself out - just find me a lake and marvel at how big the bass are getting every year. (One thing I’ve always wondered - why don’t people go for the water in all these 30-50 gallon hot water heaters that are sitting in every single suburban house?) \*Or it’s just the women. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/27 "2014-04-01T23:56:47Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Step 1A - the right vehicle to escape in. A real 4wd,not a poser. Cargo capacity, industrial roof rack. Diesel preferably. The electrical co-op about 1/2 mile from my house has exactly what I want. i go there first. > > Step 1B - (humor) A gorgeous but low maintenance “partner” > > Step 2 - fuel. fill up the tank and every single gas can I can find. > > Step 3 - lay in the arsenal. Firepower is good. Ammo is good. Heavy weapons if possible. I know a few places to hit. > > Step 4 - Bass Pro Outlet - guns, plus camping gear. Also every single bottle of fuel preservative I can get my hands on. Dehydrated food, hikers water purification system, fishing gear. > > Step 5- A defensible position. I’d go for a building with few entrance points, few windows, preferably none on the ground floor. But at the same time I want multiple escape routes. I think I would head for my old college campus. Multiple brick buildings with relatively few access points. And (not many people know this) most of the buildings on the old part of the campus are connected via underground tunnels used for steam pipes. Good last resort escape routes. > > Nice-to-haves - > > [ul] > [li]a set of “how things work” books.[/li][li]works of literature[/li][li]solar cells for electricity[/li][li]off-road motorcycle - supply runs and escape last resort[/li][/ul] I would also get my hands on a couple of the best all-terrain bicycles I could find, complete with tire patch kits, etc. You can make really good time on a bike, and they’ll go for a very long time with no extra parts of gas or anything. > [@Broomstick](#): > > You’d want a boar spear, you know, with the cross beam that prevents the stabbee from crawling up the shaft to attack you. And probably another stick type thing to help scrape stubborn corpses off your spear so you can continue to use it effectively. Sweet! I definitely want a boar spear! My husband and I also think the local Bass Pro Shop is your first stop in the Zombie Apocalypse (ZA), but everyone would have the same idea. The first person there to get all the guns and ammo are the ones who get the store. I think a local food warehouse might be a good hole-up spot - tons of food, water (for now, and you can set up rain-catchers and the like, and they might have a shower on site as well), good solid walls and limited access. Oh, another good idea that I think I read in “Day-By-Day Armageddon” - first thing you do is put a ladder up on the roof of your hole-up spot, so you can go up and get off the building some day. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/28 "2014-04-01T23:59:07Z")
You guys with the short knives who are sticking them through zombies’ skulls? If you can’t find a sword, at least put on some GD gloves. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/29 "2014-04-02T00:43:20Z")
I only watched the first episode of _Walking Dead_ and stopped right there because it was full of stupid. In regards to this thread topic, I would _not_ travel from the sticks to midtown Atlanta. If I’m in the sticks, I’m staying in the sticks. The stickier the better. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/30 "2014-04-02T18:59:13Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > You forgot an addendum to #3 & #4. “Shoot Bill Murray.” **After** finding his stash of primo weed. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/31 "2014-04-02T19:58:59Z")
I plan on staying holed up at home until my pantry is empty (about three days) then I’m coming to take your stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/32 "2014-04-02T20:03:23Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > I plan on staying holed up at home until my pantry is empty (about three days) then I’m coming to take your stuff. You can have it. I’m not staying home. Like Georgia, where I am is hot, humid, vaguely foresty but less vaguely mountainy. I’ll be somewhere that I’m sure will have long, hard freezes, and lots of open flat area. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/33 "2014-04-02T20:09:24Z")
Death by zombie, or death by North Dakota? Hmmm. I’ll take the zombie. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/34 "2014-04-03T22:46:14Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Death by zombie, or death by North Dakota? … Kinda the same thing aren’t they? ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/35 "2014-04-04T01:24:21Z")
I sent a designed version of this to my son and his “little friends” as I like to call them (all teenagers) on facebook: I question your ability to, as you claim, conquer a zombie apocalypse, when not a one of you can deal with a spider. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/36 "2014-04-04T03:00:04Z")
Hijack or just stow on a laden container ship. Generally, they have a small crew size. Prefer if they are on my side as they know how to operate the ship. Doesn’t have to be parked from former civilization. Get a dinghy or 5 to go back and forth to shore for provisioning, but those containers will contain much of what you need and/or items for barter. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/37 "2014-04-04T07:25:25Z")
A reverse (7-5-7) haiku: Zombie apocalypse? Death is not the end Loved ones die again. ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/38 "2014-04-04T08:09:08Z")
> [@Dale\_Sams](#): > > …I’d head to Disneyland or Six Flags or something like that. > > They have all kinds of built in fences, and trenches, and fake castles and forts. They might have emergency generators. > > …and rides of course. You would probably need to clear those areas a MASSIVE amount before it was safe, and you’d need a big enough group to defend it against other groups who would want to go there. As a general rule you want to stay away from big cities as they are giant deathtraps (going on runs would be hard)) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/39 "2014-04-04T17:33:01Z")
> [@Dale\_Sams](#): > > You can have it. I’m not staying home. Like Georgia, where I am is hot, humid, vaguely foresty but less vaguely mountainy. > > I’ll be somewhere that I’m sure will have long, hard freezes, and lots of open flat area. I’m not sure why you’d want to go someplace with long, hard winters - the first thing we’re planning to do in the apocalypse is head south, where going outside your door doesn’t kill you for six months of the year. ---
**Author:** ![nevadaexile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nevadaexile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevadaexile)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032/40 "2014-04-04T17:35:21Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > You forgot an addendum to #3 & #4. “Shoot Bill Murray.” I assumed that wouldn’t have to be stated.😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-in-a-zombie-apocolypse-like-walking-dead/685032.md?page=3)