# If I were Superman **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 25, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297 "2003-02-25T01:49:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297/41 "2003-03-01T03:49:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rabid\_Squirrel \* > **Fly around the world, zap any kytonite deposits with my laser beam eyes, then rule despotically over the world.** … until some rebels shined an artificial red solar radiation source at you (which also robs Kryptonians of their powers). ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297/42 "2003-03-01T05:53:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adamant \* > \*\*No - have you read “Superfolks” by Robert Mayer? - Its a hilarious spoof/satire that uses a superman tpye hero who is now approaching middle age. One of the funniest bits is his x-ray vision. Evidently his super-conscience makes him run into things whenever he mis-uses his x-ray vision to peep at girls in their underclothes or what have you. Then he mentions that he was voted “most clumsy” in high school:) \*\* OMG, I thought nobody else had ever heard of this book. I used to keep it on my bookshelf as an example of how you can get a work that is so bad its funny. I leant it to a english major friend of mine and now I have a craving to read it again. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297/43 "2003-03-01T06:45:12Z")
At the moment? I would fly around the world destroying everyone’s weapons of mass distruction (US included). Then I would imprison Bush and Hussian in my Fortress of Solitude till they agree to make nice. Or maybe I’d just leave them there. I don’t think we’d miss them. ---
**Author:** ![FabioClone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5f8ce5/32.png) [@FabioClone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FabioClone)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297/44 "2003-03-01T08:06:14Z")
\*\*betenoir \*\* - He already tried that in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. We learned the valuable lesson that peace has to come from _within_. You can’t force it. Or something to that effect. We also learned that maybe they should have stopped with Superman III (Yes, Nuclear Man. I’m looking at _you_!") ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297/45 "2003-03-01T16:16:49Z")
Fine, you wanna know my secret and blab it to the world? Not gonna happen. I’ll tell you anyway, but if you tell anybody, and I’ll hear you from half the world away and smack you before you could breathe. Scared of Big Brother? You haven’t met me. On a lighter note: I’d carve a big smiley face into the moon. World Domination? What’s the point? It would get dull. Also, taking over the world is easy. Getting people to run it for you, that’s the tough part. And I’d use my heat vision and ice breath to make little potholes or slippery spots for Batman to walk over, just to piss him off. Hell, I’d probably pull a Samaritan and just fly around 24/7 helping people for a while, then get bored and start charging for it, and make up weird rules. “If you hold up a bank, you must sing the Oscar Meyer weiner song untill the police get there. If you are a dorky supervillian, I’ll beat you up, strip you naked and have small children throw rocks at you. Oh, and every Thursday is S’mores for a random country.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-superman/157297.md?page=2)