# If I were the Chairman of Radical Islam Worldwide **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 5, 2004, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356 "2004-04-05T14:28:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/21 "2004-04-05T17:55:24Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > George Bush’s policies will lead to more violence in the Middle East and worldwide. So, with all of the hate and misunderstanding in the world I am supposed to get that the OP is saying that Bush is (for example) calling for the cease fire and that the end result will be Armageddon for the Jews? With threads in recent memory calling for the obliteration of entire cites in Iraq and a recent influx of White Supremacists, I am supposed to not take these things at face value in the absence of any line or otherwise shared context for a motiveless and random OP? And to top all of this off, this is the sort of thing that is supposed to make the board better, if only I weren’t to dense to see it? Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/22 "2004-04-05T17:59:17Z")
No, don’t blame yourself, Binary. I have magical powers that help me read. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/23 "2004-04-05T18:00:36Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > So, with all of the hate and misunderstanding in the world I am supposed to get that the OP is saying that Bush is (for example) calling for the cease fire and that the end result will be Armageddon for the Jews? With threads in recent memory calling for the obliteration of entire cites in Iraq and a recent influx of White Supremacists, I am supposed to not take these things at face value in the absence of any line or otherwise shared context for a motiveless and random OP? And to top all of this off, this is the sort of thing that is supposed to make the board better, if only I weren’t to dense to see it? Wow. That’s why I’m sad to see “charter member” under your name. I was kind of hoping your kind was getting weeded out in a few weeks. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/24 "2004-04-05T18:18:46Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > That’s why I’m sad to see “charter member” under your name. I was kind of hoping your kind was getting weeded out in a few weeks. :rolleyes: What did I do to deserve that? ---
**Author:** ![Anonymous\_Coward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/94ad74/32.png) [@Anonymous\_Coward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anonymous_Coward)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/25 "2004-04-05T18:20:00Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > What did I do to deserve that? I was wondering that myself. It kinda came out of left field, didn’t it… ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/26 "2004-04-05T18:32:03Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > What did I do to deserve that? Because you said something that made perfect sense. I need to recalibrate my sense of humor I guess, it’s not coming across. You know I love you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/27 "2004-04-05T18:35:03Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Because you said something that made perfect sense. I need to recalibrate my sense of humor I guess, it’s not coming across. You know I love you. 😃 No harm, no foul. It may be me, after all I didn’t “get” the oh so hilarious OP either. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/28 "2004-04-05T18:35:23Z")
So, this being a parody on Bush’s policies, presumably if Bush were smarter he would be avoiding these traps by… > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **grienspace** > > 1. I would call for the complete cessation of hostilities in Israel. Then after the Israelis are lulled into a sense of security and we have built up our armaments and strengths we can unleash armagedon on the Jews. Encouraging hostilities in Israel, perhaps even directly sponsoring suicide bombers, in order to keep the Israelis on their toes and save from their inevitable fatal complacency in times of peace… > [@](#): > > 1. I would call for the complete cessation of hostilities in Iraq. Then when the Americans are gone, we can rip up the constitution, and engage the Shiites to turn our stashed weapons onto the Jews when our brothers in Palistine are ready. Scuppering all attempts to create peace in Iraq, particularly if they are initiated by Iraqis as this could only be low cunning presaging the invasion of poor naive Israel… > [@](#): > > 1. Ditto for Afghanistan Ensuring that Afghanistan continues to be an unstable hellhole torn apart by corrupt warlords fighting over the international drugs trade at the direct expense of peace, stability and the recognition of human rights… > [@](#): > > 1. But I’d continue the sport in Europe, Indonesia and the Phillipines. Keep the troops sharp you see. Refusing to exchange counter-terrorism intelligence or expertise with foreign governments to keep terrorism abroad where it can do no harm… > [@](#): > > 1. As for America, I’d set up a whole whack of mosques and madrassas in Mexico first. Interfering in the domestic policies and religious freedoms of Mexico, and possibly drawing up invasion plans against the event of the Islam becoming the religion of, say, 10% of the population. It’s the only way to be safe. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/29 "2004-04-05T18:36:54Z")
OK. So, **Lib** , what you’re saying is that this is a “joke thread” parodying…uh…I’m not sure what exactly. I read it as what **grienspace** thought would be a good strategy for the Radical Moslems, and a nasty one at that. I just reread it and came to the same conclusion. My statefy would be a little different. 1. Call for the complete cessation of terrorist activities and start to act like reasonable fucking human beings and live peacefully among the rest of us. It would be nice if **grienspace** would come back and explain himself… Haj ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/30 "2004-04-05T21:15:17Z")
Actually, this is an interesting experiment: what would you do if you were in charge of RADICAL Islamists worldwide and wanted to promote their interests in the world? It’s be a good way to anticipate what they’ll be up to next. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/31 "2004-04-05T21:30:41Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > Actually, this is an interesting experiment: what would you do if you were in charge of RADICAL Islamists worldwide and wanted to promote their interests in the world? It’s be a good way to anticipate what they’ll be up to next. I have some ideas, but I think I’ll keep them to my self. I don’t want Carnivore to make a mistake and send the black vans to my house. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/32 "2004-04-05T21:44:27Z")
> [@](#): > > OK. So, Lib, what you’re saying is that this is a “joke thread” parodying…uh…I’m not sure what exactly. No, this is not a joke thread. Lynn has explained before that she does not mean we all have to be humorless gothic zombies. A joke thread is one that isn’t offered as a serious Pit thread, like something flirty or some inside joke from MPSIMS or something. She never said you can’t convey your point with humor. You just can’t be joking around. ---
**Author:** ![labmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@labmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labmonkey)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/33 "2004-04-05T23:19:02Z")
YEAH! OK! > [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > This ain’t Something Awful, so I feel safe saying: > > what ---
**Author:** ![labmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@labmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labmonkey)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/34 "2004-04-05T23:21:44Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > […slapping forehead…] Yeah, what was I thinking? Let’s have more threads about managers who hate their customers, neighbors who play music too loud, and George fucking Bush. And less intellectual stimulation like satire. Bush’s socks didn’t match this moring. Fucking liar! I was gonna start a thread about it, but… ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/35 "2004-04-05T23:40:22Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > It isn’t lame; you just don’t get it. I think parodies like these raise the intellectual level of the SDMB. I think lowering everything so that third graders can get it does an injustice to the board. So, uh, could you lower it to a level dumb enough for this moderator to understand it? Better yet, could _you_, **grienspace**? BTW, Lib, given **grienspace** ’s political opinions that I’ve witnessed, I’d put my money on “Muslims are evil” rather than “GWB’s policies will cause more violence”. But hey, I’ve been wrong before. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/36 "2004-04-06T00:19:36Z")
> [@Libertarian](#): > > …Lynn has explained before that she does not mean we all have to be humorless gothic zombies. A joke thread is one that isn’t offered as a serious Pit thread, like something flirty or some inside joke from MPSIMS or something. She never said you can’t convey your point with humor. You just can’t be joking around. So, I take it that your amazing powers of reading missed the [Pit rules](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=127729)? I find this bit rather relevant to this thread (bolding mine): > [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > 1. No fake pittings. If you pit someone, you’re supposed to mean it. This doesn’t mean the pitting can’t be funny. > 2. No pit threads specifically for telling jokes, e.g. “Tell me your favorite dirty joke,” “Dead Baby jokes,” “racial and ethnic slurs disguised as jokes,” etc. > 3. No pit threads specifically to expand one’s repertoire of insults. > **4) Some of the more outrageous parodies have generated great confusion. Therefore, they must contain, at minimum, a link to the subject being parodied, or an explicit statement that the following material is a parody** But hell, perhaps that is also a joke that I didn’t get. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/37 "2004-04-06T00:33:52Z")
Oh well, guess I’m about to be accused of being a humorless git again. Too bad; IRL everyone tells me how funny I am all the time, while here I go over like a lead balloon. I should stick to talking-dog jokes; I’m pretty good with those. > [@](#): > > Doesn’t the title say “radical Islam”? I didn’t read this as a slam on “all of Islam” at all. Yes, it does, but from the rest of the text I’d say it’s not at all clear that the OP finds all that much difference between “Islam” and “radical Islam”. YMMV. > [@](#): > > The bit about Mexico isn’t particularly offensive IMO. But, I don’t know, maybe I’m just not picking up on the nuances here. Well, maybe it’s me but I don’t get why Mexico. There are already plenty of mosques right here in the USA. Hell, there’s one ten minutes from my office and half the guys I work with go over there to pray every day. Hey, you don’t think…? But really, Mexico? It seems a bit silly to think that a such a solidly Catholic country is going to suddenly go all Islamic. Oh, I think I get it, the OP thinks that a lawless third-world country like Mexico will ignore all these mosques popping up like mushrooms, with Imams preaching death to the USA, and the terrorists they produce will bribe some cops and slip across the undefended border in a load of illegal immigrants to set the Houston refineries alight. Or something. OK, I am a humorless git after all. I can easily accept a talking dog, or a talking sausage for that matter if it makes the joke better, but mosques in Mexico as the punch line? Whoosh. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/38 "2004-04-06T00:34:04Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > Seems to me that Obl is really no smarter than Bush. For what it’s worth (probably not much), I think this last line is the key to the OP. My take is that **grienspace** is saying that Islamic radicals are doing a lousy, incompetent job of pursuing their agenda. They’re too stupid, he believes, to adopt strategies that will be effective in achieving their ends in the long run. Instead, they’re indulging in feel-good, immediate-gratification tactics that actually set them back from their goals. Crappy means leading to dead ends, as it were. The bit about Bush is simply a backhanded insult to the radical Muslims from an anti-Bushista. That was my first impression on reading the OP. I may be giving him more credit than he deserves, of course. ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/39 "2004-04-06T00:53:41Z")
And I would chomp into a bell pepper, start giggling maniacally, and wait as the camera panned out to display the full glory of my samurai warlord gourmand empire. Oh, wait, I thought you said Chairman _Kaga_… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356/40 "2004-04-06T01:09:25Z")
My impression was pretty much identical to **EddyTeddyFreddy** , except I was too lazy to type it out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-i-were-the-chairman-of-radical-islam-worldwide/238356.md?page=3)