# If I'm a virgin, how come I know what a girl's bottom looks like? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073 "2010-06-22T01:07:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/1 "2010-06-22T01:07:32Z")
Today is the all-important “International Young Ones Day” ([Redirecting...](http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=131829860161899&index=1)). What are your own favorite quotes and bits? ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/2 "2010-06-22T01:13:30Z")
[![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gGOU0o9K89g/hqdefault.jpg "Cliff Richard & The Young Ones - Living Doll") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGOU0o9K89g) …:fies my soul?" 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lexan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/73ab20/32.png) [@lexan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lexan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/3 "2010-06-22T01:41:52Z")
Neil’s letter to his bank manager (“Darling fascist bullyboy…”) is probably my favorite bit. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANquX0YHFhw](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANquX0YHFhw) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/4 "2010-06-22T01:48:39Z")
‘Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan! Honestly, whenever anything explodes in this house it’s always “Blame Vyvyan”!’ ‘“Do not lean out of the window.” I wonder why?’ _WHAM_ ‘You can’t kill me! I’m South African!’ Mike: What’s that thumping? Vyvyan: Oh, it’s probably Rick doing a bit of reading. . ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/5 "2010-06-22T02:05:15Z")
[University Challenge](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxA0a5G6ccg&feature=related) (featuring Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/6 "2010-06-22T02:05:24Z")
“Sleep causes cancer, Rick, everyone knows that.” ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/7 "2010-06-22T02:07:45Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > [University Challenge](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxA0a5G6ccg&feature=related) (featuring Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry) No love for Emma? She’s won an Oscar firgodsake. (That’s my favorite episode, too.) ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/8 "2010-06-22T03:16:26Z")
> [@cricetus](#): > > No love for Emma? She’s won an Oscar firgodsake. (That’s my favorite episode, too.) _“I’ve got a Porsche!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/9 "2010-06-22T03:27:53Z")
Captain: Aged and toothless and bent old crone! Crone: How’d you know me name? Captain: We wish to engage you as ship’s cook and concubine. Crone: Oh yeah? What’s a concubine, then? Captain: It’s a small, spiky mammal. Crone: No, that’s a hedgehog! Captain: In that case we wish to engage you as ship’s cook and hedgehog. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/10 "2010-06-22T06:55:23Z")
“Open up! It’s the pigs!” You’d be surprised how often that comes in handy. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/11 "2010-06-22T07:10:16Z")
Mike: Neil, it is very rare you interest me, but today you have. Why do you keep coming in here, carrying a cake, and saying surprise? Neil: It’s my birthday. Mike: Now you knew that anyway, and we don’t care, so where’s the surprise? ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/12 "2010-06-22T07:15:20Z")
From the show “kids say the darndest things” with Art Linkletter- “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” – Tom, age 5 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/13 "2010-06-22T07:36:56Z")
HA! You missed both my legs! ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/14 "2010-06-22T12:19:15Z")
Its a laugh isn’t it? What is ? That sound you make when you hear something funny.(Not exact words) ---
**Author:** ![LateComer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5ac83/32.png) [@LateComer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LateComer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/15 "2010-06-22T12:19:24Z")
Far too often the song “Doctor Martens Boots” pops into my head. “Who took my Biro!!” “It was just laying on your desk, I thought you didn’t want it anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/16 "2010-06-22T12:37:15Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > [University Challenge](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxA0a5G6ccg&feature=related) (featuring Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry) This gets my vote. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/17 "2010-06-22T13:29:04Z")
Right. Anyone tell the stiffie joke? ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/18 "2010-06-22T13:56:32Z")
I don’t remember the words exactly but it was Helen (Jennifer Saunders) talking to Vyvyan: Helen: My name’s Helen. Wouldn’t it be horrible if my last name was Back. Then my name would be Helen Back!..My real last name is Mucus. Oh yeah, Harry The Bastard! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/19 "2010-06-22T13:58:59Z")
I can’t open the link in the OP, and googling “International Young Ones Day” gets me nothing. Can somebody tell me what the hell this is supposed to be? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073/20 "2010-06-22T14:02:49Z")
> [@lost4life](#): > > I don’t remember the words exactly… There was a site years ago that had all of the scripts. I saved the pages and the site was taken down eventually. I’ve just searched, and found [this Flash page](http://www.4q.dk/theyoungones.php) with the scripts. HELEN: Promise you won’t laugh? [Mike nods] It’s Helen. [Vyvyan laughs, but Mike stops him] Sounds like the kind of name someone would give to someone who looks as if they’d been to Hell and back, isn’t it? [Vyvyan is really confused] It’s prestigiously embarassing. Still, at least my surname isn’t Back. It’d be awful, wouldn’t it? Helen Back. [pause] My surname is Mucous. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-im-a-virgin-how-come-i-know-what-a-girls-bottom-looks-like/544073.md?page=2)