# If it is'nt love, why do I feel this way? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 7, 2001, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944 "2001-11-07T03:55:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944/41 "2001-11-08T22:47:50Z")
> [@](#): > > But why try and figure out when this stage will end. I find it a more practical approach to accept that she is in this stage and not try to change her. Right. I am not advocating trying to change her, either. I believe that if this woman is worth pursuing in the first place that she will come around eventually when her limitless support is cut off. > [@](#): > > I do not advocate ‘fleeing’ but instead not throwing himself under that emotional freight train again and again. It appears he is infatuated, and he will not be able to get over this infatuation without avoiding jumping back into that pool. I couldn’t agree more. It is so tempting to stick your neck out on the block again and again. As if you don’t learn the first time that no matter how good your intentions are, the axe still falls. > [@](#): > > * * * > > ## Originally posted by Maeglin It is very likely that she finds you undiscriminating in where you place your affections, and therefore being the apple of your eye doesn’t make her feel particularly valued, no matter what she may say. Perhaps this only reinforces her low self-esteem. She has never had a relationship and is pursuing an asshole. Either she is a glutton for punishment or she has a poor opinion of herself. > > Many assumptions in that paragraph. I say take her at her word. She specifically stated that she is not interested in him, why scheme to try and change her mind? Because one half-assed attempt may not be good enough. Shit, I know that unless I am head-over-heels in love with some girl, I would probably demur the first time the issue is raised. If the girl feels I am worth pursuing, she will, and perhaps my feelings will change. The death of extended courtship is a relatively recent phenomenon. > [@](#): > > This is where you lose me. If she values your time and if she feels you are important to her emotional well-being then she might be more interested in a serious relationship. Fair enough. There are certainly no guarantees. But getting over a crush, doing more things to keep busy, and maintaining control over a friendship are all good things to aspire to anyway, regardless of whether a relationship comes out of them or not. > [@](#): > > I don’t agree with any of this. This would require the emotional distance that you have Maeglin, but being caught in the whirlwind does not grand one the strength and perspective to effectively carry out your prescription. Not necessarily. **Maple Syrup** says that he is the master of himself. Hell, I’ve fallen for women before. It’s rough for the first few days, sure. Fun with friends, hard work, and vigorous exercise help to diminish the distraction. He even admitted that his feelings we cooling. Now seems like the best time to start dealing with this rationally. MR ---
**Author:** ![Maple\_Syrup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@Maple\_Syrup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maple_Syrup)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944/42 "2001-11-09T06:50:06Z")
Ok CheapBastid, you’re right I was looking for advice. It seems to me, however, that I was’nt whining because I loathe it. Let’s just say I was drowning in my emotions for a second there. I punched the wall so many times last night over this thing I could’nt move my first two fingers. No, I’m not wallowing in self-pity, just raging against an unfair world is all. I’m allowed to give Life the finger every now and then are’nt I? Anyways, thanks for the advice. Everyone needs a cold splash of water to the face every now and then. Hey thanks for the advice Maeglin. Alot of it makes sense. I guess she a’int buying the cow because I’ve been giving away chunks of my tenderloin for free (the tenderloin, of course, made all the more tender from life’s punches in the dick). Anyways, hated to seem mellodramatic through all this but it was the first time I’ve felt any great emotion in a looong time. Out of all the things unrequited love turns you into, please add “poor speller” to the list. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944/43 "2001-11-14T08:20:43Z")
So, MS, any new thoughts or responses? ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944/44 "2001-11-14T09:18:29Z")
I have been lurking on this thread for a while…Update please. 🙂 * * * Plato? Aristotle? Socrates? Morons! ~What I meant to say is, I couldn’t live without you another day -Better Than Ezra [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-isnt-love-why-do-i-feel-this-way/91944.md?page=2)