# If it were up to me I'd never have anything to do with the little shits again **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610 "2010-07-14T00:30:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/21 "2010-07-14T13:40:54Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > I’ve never played D&D before, but since you’re running it, can’t you start messing with the other kids’ characters? He could, but he’d be more childish than the kids if he did. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/22 "2010-07-14T13:43:02Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’m sorry, that just does not compute in my world. Why didn’t she loosen his teeth for him? Why the Hell did the father allow that for even one second? > > Yeah, I know. Oak is a cranky old caveman, and slapping a smart-mouthed kid for backtalking his mother doesn’t seem to fly in today’s world. Prolly good I do not have kids. Don’t wanna hijack the thread with it, but I agree with you 100%, and think maybe you SHOULD have kids, to counteract the millions who let their kids think it’s okay to talk to their parents just like the little shits on the Disney Channel talk to theirs. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/23 "2010-07-14T13:44:05Z")
Good for your kids! They sound very well centered. It must have been hard to watch but your kids took the high road and so should you. Everything I learned from watching my parents and how the acted and reacted so this is your chance to show a good example even if they are brats from hell. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/24 "2010-07-14T13:48:52Z")
> [@MTCicero](#): > > Keep the D&D group together. For now. At the next meeting, let the little pukes know, in no uncertain terms, that what they did on the camping trip was _unacceptable_. Get in their faces. Make them fear, really _fear_, ever doing anything like that to your kids again. Let them know that you’ll be watching them. Make them squirm. > > And when the coddling parents call you up all angry at the fact that you reprimanded their widdle snowflakes, unleash on them for letting it go on in the first place. Doesn’t that make **all** the kids snowflakes? “Don’t let your kids tease my kids!” “Don’t reprimand mine!” ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/25 "2010-07-14T13:55:16Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Doesn’t that make **all** the kids snowflakes? “Don’t let your kids tease my kids!” “Don’t reprimand mine!” Not at all. My kids won’t treat others in a disrespectful manner, full stop. And if I find out that they do, I’ll rain down fire on their heads so much that they’ll think twice (at least) before ever doing something like that again. And if _other_ kids treat mine with disrespect and their own parents _do nothing to put a stop to it_, then I’ll sure-as-shootin’ say something to those kids _and_ to the parents. Bottom line is, in my house, and in my presence, that stuff will. Not. Fly. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/26 "2010-07-14T14:06:16Z")
> [@MTCicero](#): > > Keep the D&D group together. For now. At the next meeting, let the little pukes know, in no uncertain terms, that what they did on the camping trip was _unacceptable_. Get in their faces. Make them fear, really _fear_, ever doing anything like that to your kids again. Let them know that you’ll be watching them. Make them squirm. > > And when the coddling parents call you up all angry at the fact that you reprimanded their widdle snowflakes, unleash on them for letting it go on in the first place. I disagree. At the camping trip, they were under the supervision of their own parents and it’s up to their parents to reprimand them for their behaviour there. However, you can reprimand them for unacceptable behaviour in your own house, when they’re under your supervision. If your children want to continue playing D&D with them, I’d say allow it to continue. If they act in an unacceptable way while they’re in your house, then you can put an end to it. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/27 "2010-07-14T14:39:08Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Good DMs don’t do that. Good parents don’t either. It teaches the child to use passive aggressiveness to annoy people you don’t like instead of just dealing with them or removing yourself from the situation. For example, if there was someone who kept bothering my daughter at school, I’d rather she talked to a teacher, found a way to deal with it or just stopped hanging out with the other person as opposed to, say, dumping a bottle of juice in her backback when no one is looking. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/28 "2010-07-14T14:49:22Z")
Another plus vote for your kids. Sounds like they have learned a valuable lesson about acting upon what they chose rather than re-acting to others’ bad behavior. You must be doing a good job! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/29 "2010-07-14T15:08:49Z")
> [@Q.N.Jones](#): > > You mention that these kids act like “little shits” in the activity you supervise. No, he didn’t say that. He said that during D&D, they’ve always gotten along fine. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/30 "2010-07-14T15:16:53Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > No, he didn’t say that. He said that during D&D, they’ve always gotten along fine. Really? > [@](#): > > And to tell the truth, they’ve sometimes been little shits during our games. Nothing as outrageous as last weekend, but definitely jerkish and nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/31 "2010-07-14T15:57:43Z")
Hmm … I guess I got stuck on the part where they’d gotten along fine for years and skimmed over the rest. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/32 "2010-07-14T16:57:52Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Hmm … I guess I got stuck on the part where they’d gotten along fine for years and skimmed over the rest. Yeah, you have to read right through to the end. Sounds like they get along fine **despite** the neighbor kids acting jerkish. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/33 "2010-07-14T17:41:02Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’m sorry, that just does not compute in my world. Why didn’t she loosen his teeth for him? Why the Hell did the father allow that for even one second? Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either. If my son ever talked to my wife the way this kid regularly talks to his mother, I’d have him up against the wall so fast his head would spin. But then, we’ve been teaching our kids to be polite and respectful since they were toddlers, so that’s not really an issue. At one point during the weekend my wife overheard one of the other moms complaining about how annoying the kids were. Yeah, damn straight they were annoying! You know which kids weren’t being annoying? Mine! My daughter was the one over at the next campsite quietly helping them take care of their puppy while your brats were screaming at each other and hitting each other with sticks. And why do you think my kids weren’t annoying? Could it have anything to do with what my wife and I have spent the last 13 years teaching them? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/34 "2010-07-14T17:55:07Z")
> [@Q.N.Jones](#): > > You mention that these kids act like “little shits” in the activity you supervise. The activity during the D&D games has been borderline. The boy is bossy and sometimes he’s critical of other people’s gameplay decisions. His character is greedy and cowardly – always trying to get the best treasure for himself without risking himself for the team – and I don’t think he’s role-playing. The girl is less trouble, but she will sometimes have her character do random things just to stir things up. But at the same time, the boy is really into the game and does play well. And the girl can be be a fun member of the group if she doesn’t get bored and destructive. We’ve had some sessions that have gone really well. And they’ve never been outright cruel and nasty like they were last weekend. As DM I’ve been trying to walk a line between being too strict and too lenient. This is role-playing, after all, and part of the fun is having the freedom to control your character the way you want. I think we will resume the games. However, after what I saw last weekend, I think I’m going to be a lot less tolerant of anything that goes against “team spirit”. No treasure grubbing. No bossing other people around. No second-guessing what others do. And I’m going to tinker with how we handle initiative so there’s a fixed turn order to move things along faster and provide less opportunity for dissension and bickering. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/35 "2010-07-14T18:03:00Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > I wonder if **HK** ’s kids even anticipated that kind of “welcome” from the other camping kids, realizing that they were the new ones on the scene? I don’t think they did. Out of the six other kids on the camping trip, my kids had played with three of them before. And my kids have spent a lot of time at camp and after school programs so they’re accustomed to being dropped into a situation where they don’t know anybody and making friends quickly. I watched how things played out over the first day. They really tried for a while to join the group, but when it was clear it wasn’t working, they didn’t sulk or complain. They just found something else to do. I was really proud of how they handled themselves. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/36 "2010-07-14T18:07:06Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > The boy is bossy and sometimes he’s critical of other people’s gameplay decisions. His character is greedy and cowardly – always trying to get the best treasure for himself without risking himself for the team – and I don’t think he’s role-playing. The girl is less trouble, but she will sometimes have her character do random things just to stir things up. That describes half of the people I’ve ever gamed with. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/37 "2010-07-14T18:08:27Z")
BTW … thanks everyone for your comments in this thread. It’s really helped me clarify my thinking. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/38 "2010-07-14T18:17:36Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > That describes half of the people I’ve ever gamed with. Yeah. I’ve been gaming (on and off) for 35 years and I’ve run across a lot of dysfunction in the subculture. So that may have made me more unwilling to slap down obnoxious behaviors. Also … these are teens and tweens. I know there’s going to be a natural level of chaos that’s higher than if it were adults playing. I don’t expect them to sit around like perfect little ladies and gentlemen. I just want to ratchet back the selfish behaviors. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/39 "2010-07-14T18:33:25Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > As DM I’ve been trying to walk a line between being too strict and too lenient. This is role-playing, after all, and part of the fun is having the freedom to control your character the way you want. I think we will resume the games. However, after what I saw last weekend, I think I’m going to be a lot less tolerant of anything that goes against “team spirit”. No treasure grubbing. No bossing other people around. No second-guessing what others do. And I’m going to tinker with how we handle initiative so there’s a fixed turn order to move things along faster and provide less opportunity for dissension and bickering. This strikes me as an appropriate way to handle things. It lets you deal with the gameplay issues as _gameplay_ issues, without bringing up the stuff from the camping trip. Note: if your children wanted nothing to do with the other children, it would be different. But since your children have been enjoying the D & D as is, a few tweaks are appropriate, but ending the sessions seems like overkill. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610/40 "2010-07-14T19:53:08Z")
I wouldn’t put them out of your gaming, if I were you. It sounds to me like you’re a good influence on them, and they could use that. Perhaps be less tolerant of shit behaviour, but don’t put them out all together. I certainly hope that you paid your kids some compliments for being so great, even when their fellows were being little shits. They sure deserve it. They deserve some for being tolerant of their friends, when it comes to the gaming, as well, sounds like. It seems you’re doing a lot right with your own kids, they sound awesome. Don’t deny that to the little shits who need it even more than yours, you may be all they have on this front. Just a thought. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-it-were-up-to-me-id-never-have-anything-to-do-with-the-little-shits-again/546610.md?page=3)