# If Leonard Pinth-Garnell Owned a Coffee House ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** coffee\ **Created:** [October 23, 2013, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014 "2013-10-23T09:27:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/21 "2013-10-25T12:50:24Z")
Y’know, the places where they actually, like, _grow coffee_, didn’t come up with all that bulldada. Growing up here it was café negro, café con leche, pocillo, cortado/espresso, and that’s about it. No tresgrand skinny soy medium roast civet doppelschott (well, at least until some guy who went to college stateside decides to open a You-know-who franchise because they miss the free WiFi; those are usually mercifully limited to the tourist towns). That loopiness seems to have come from places where they drink a lot of coffee just to overcome the cold. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/22 "2013-10-25T13:56:59Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > Oh, this is awesome! --And here I thought I was the only one who found all this coffee mystique pretentious and funny! > > **epbrown01:** “We don’t sell that in a large.” Okay, give me two mediums and a large cup, please. The large was 16 oz and the small was 8 oz, so I considered ordering two smalls - I didn’t out of sheer bloody-mindedness, thinking they’d expect that. 🙂 I spent the entire drink period going over every sip trying to ascertain why 16 oz of that particular blend was to be avoided. I got nothing… ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/23 "2013-10-25T18:17:12Z")
Civet? Is that the coffee they harvest from the excrement of some kind of jungle cat? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/24 "2013-10-25T22:51:40Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > Civet? Is that the coffee they harvest from the excrement of some kind of jungle cat? Civet is the critter, the resulting coffee is called kopi luwak. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/25 "2013-10-27T02:23:44Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > Wow, these are great responses! Big fun for me catching up tonight. > > **Digs:** If I didn’t know you were serious, I’d never believe you weren’t joking!! Sounds like your local coffee czars have raised “frou-frou” to an art form. (or else invented the new sport of Recreational Effete Silliness.)… I wish I were\* joking… I’m in a mid-size Midwestern town, full of ‘normal’, practical people, so the ‘effetiosity’ really stands out. I gave a friend a ride to work y’day, right past _The Effete Coffee Joint_, so I repeated my Painfully Hip Baristas story. The friend could barely believe it either. I told her when we had an extra hour and five bucks we didn’t want to spend on real life, we’d stop there. \*My grammar is Recreationally Effete, even if my coffee isn’t. Did you notice that Subjunctive Tense (which I never learned in English class, but did in French class). ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/26 "2013-10-27T02:52:22Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > Recipe: Go to Excruciatingly Hip coffee. Order a double shot neat, to go. Then go to the bar, and order a double shot neat, to go. Take them home, put them together, add cream and sugar, and you’ve got Irish Coffee. No, you missed the most important part: the booze! [Irish coffee](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_coffee) has whiskey in it. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/27 "2013-10-27T03:05:40Z")
**araminty:** No, I mentioned the whiskey — probably I should have said, “Then go to the bar DOWN THE STREET…” That’s what struck me so funny, the fact that New Convert Coffee Guy used the same lingo for coffee that ordinarily you only hear in a bar: “a double shot, neat.” ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/28 "2013-10-27T03:08:19Z")
**digs:** Yes, I noticed your subjective tense. Very nice; in fact, I’ve never known what that was called. Heh, I guess my grammar is Armchair Effete. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/29 "2013-10-27T03:22:31Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > \*\*araminty:\*\*That’s what struck me so funny, the fact that New Convert Coffee Guy used the same lingo for coffee that ordinarily you only hear in a bar: “a double shot, neat.” To be fair, the “God shot” quote was from _Modernist Cuisine_ and presumably written by Nathan Myhrvold. Writing a 2,438 page, 52 lb cookbook earns you a pass. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014/30 "2013-11-02T09:14:00Z")
I went back to Coffee of Actual Doom. I thought to myself, _Ho! I shall not enter unprepared a second time unto this place where strange customs prevail._ So I said to the nice young lady behind the counter, “Do you have any sweet scones today?” She said yes, cranberry and pear cinnamon. (“pear cinnamon?” errr… okay.) I got a cranberry scone and a cup of four-dollar coffee that I had to pour myself. The coffee was ridiculously weak. What about the scone, you ask? I guess it was a “sweet scone” by virtue of the fact that there were dried sweetened cranberries in it. Because it was otherwise made with no sugar at all. Perhaps I should offer my services as a baker. Hell, I have _ **a freezer full of blackberries.** _ On the other hand, the art was much better this time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-leonard-pinth-garnell-owned-a-coffee-house/672014.md?page=1)