# If life gives you lemons... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931 "2004-06-24T02:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/421 "2004-07-06T17:45:32Z")
> [@BJMoose](#): > > Every dog has . . . …that magic button on its underbelly that makes its leg kick when you pet him. I’m here to chew bubblegum and kick a$$, and… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/422 "2004-07-06T17:53:57Z")
…I’ve kicked so much ass already that I’m getting bored of it. Want some Winterfresh? Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins! He’s only three feet tall… ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/423 "2004-07-07T00:10:20Z")
…so he’s easy to fit in overhead compartments on airplanes! When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s… ---
**Author:** ![Rdshooze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9a140/32.png) [@Rdshooze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rdshooze)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/424 "2004-07-07T00:41:16Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > …so he’s easy to fit in overhead compartments on airplanes! > > When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s… . . . a-messy. Then I saw her face . . . ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/425 "2004-07-07T14:21:41Z")
And now I’m forever scarred. Into every life… ---
**Author:** ![sishoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@sishoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sishoch)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/426 "2004-07-07T16:22:44Z")
…some rain must fall, unless you live here in New Mexico where we have a five year drought and it doesn’t rain, just sprinkles enough to make your car look filthy and it gets hotter and hotter every day and the lawn is brown and needs to be watered again and what about the flowerbeds and … what? oh sorry. For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these… ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/427 "2004-07-07T16:34:26Z")
> [@sishoch](#): > > For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these… …“We’re out of Cheez-its.” The only way to discover the limits of the possible… ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/428 "2004-07-07T16:54:26Z")
> [@Nightwatch Trailer](#): > > The only way to discover the limits of the possible… … is to break something. I met a traveller from and antique land, who said … ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/429 "2004-07-07T17:04:41Z")
> [@rjk](#): > > I met a traveller from and antique land, who said … “I knew I should have listened when they said ‘Don’t drink the water.’ Ozymandias indeed.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/430 "2004-07-07T17:08:49Z")
> [@rjk](#): > > I met a traveller from and antique land, who said … “\*&$$%!! Why don’t you do things like we do back home?! Are you all _stupid_ or what?” I killed him and used his hide to line my treasure room. Do your ears hang down? Do they make the neighbours…? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/431 "2004-07-07T18:57:05Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > “\*&$$%!! Why don’t you do things like we do back home?! Are you all _stupid_ or what?” > I killed him and used his hide to line my treasure room. > > Do your ears hang down? Do they make the neighbours…? frown? Do they make you look like a big scary clown? The most important investment you will ever make is… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/432 "2004-07-07T19:21:15Z")
> [@](#): > > The most important investment you will ever make is… … in Emekthian Industries Inc. So invest. It’s important, really. C’mon, invest. You know you want to. Invest! I need your money! A diamond is a girl’s… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/433 "2004-07-07T23:07:50Z")
… best friend, unless you count the Hitachi Magic Wand. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, give me your … ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/434 "2004-07-08T00:56:16Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Friends, Romans, Countrymen, give me your … …honest opinion: does this toga make my ass look big? We the People, in order to form a more perfect… ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/435 "2004-07-08T04:33:54Z")
Beach Party, do hereby open this here case of Corona. If I could talk to the animals… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/436 "2004-07-08T05:03:01Z")
…I’d command the fell birds and beasts to form an powerful unholy army under my control, and I’d tell the pigeons to STOP CRAPPING ON MY CAR! An infinate number of monkey, on an infinate number of typewriters and given an infinate amount of time could… ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/437 "2004-07-08T07:23:37Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > An infinate number of monkey, on an infinate number of typewriters and given an infinate amount of time could… …create a stink you would not believe. If the van’s a-rockin’… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/438 "2004-07-08T14:31:45Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > …create a stink you would not believe. > > If the van’s a-rockin’… Please respect the ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on the door. It’s no use crying over… ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/439 "2004-07-08T14:51:57Z")
…the fact that you drank two big bottles of wood alcohol. Luck, if you ever were a lady to begin with… ---
**Author:** ![MakiMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@MakiMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MakiMonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/440 "2004-07-08T18:07:18Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > …the fact that you drank two big bottles of wood alcohol. > > Luck, if you ever were a lady to begin with… …then be a lady tonight. In my bed. In the form of Jeri Ryan. If I had a nickel for every time… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=23)