# If life gives you lemons... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931 "2004-06-24T02:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/441 "2004-07-08T18:48:59Z")
. . . someone used that damned saying “If I had a nickel. . .”, I’d be so frickin rich that Bill Gates would be my shoeshine boy. And God said, "Let there be . . . " ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/442 "2004-07-08T19:14:19Z")
> [@BJMoose](#): > > And God said, "Let there be . . . " …pie when come back, and there was. And Weebl and Bob smiled, for it was good. Love is like oxygen, if you get too much… ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/443 "2004-07-08T21:17:11Z")
…you’re gonna need some penecillin. If I had a hammer… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/444 "2004-07-08T23:13:26Z")
> [@buttonjockey308](#): > > If I had a hammer… …head shark in my swimming pool, I could invite the inlaws over for a game of walk the plank. Yo, Ho, Ho, and ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/445 "2004-07-09T01:00:06Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > … > Yo, Ho, Ho, and Santa Claus has done a runner with the Christmas fairy. He who fights and runs away… ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/446 "2004-07-09T02:39:42Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > He who fights and runs away… …may fall victim to a (ba-dum) 1920s-style death ray. In the back. Yes I said yes I will… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/447 "2004-07-09T03:32:06Z")
…as soon as the commercials come on. Now pipe down, this is a good part. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/448 "2004-07-09T06:08:24Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > When in the course of human events it becomes necessary… …for the SEC to start asking for indictments in dodgy investment scheme cases, **emekthian** flies Cayman Island Air Services[sup]TM[/sup], serving the finest extrdition-proof locales since 1988. I’ve got you under my… ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/449 "2004-07-09T06:24:02Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I’ve got you under my… car but I swear, it was an accident, and completely coincidental that you just named me your insurance beneficiary. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/450 "2004-07-09T06:25:05Z")
(Would be nice if I added one, huh?) Some things, money can’t buy… for everything else… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/451 "2004-07-09T12:55:26Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Some things, money can’t buy… for everything else… Just wait until you can afford it. Why do you think every other TV ad. is for a loan company?? The darkest hour is just before… ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/452 "2004-07-09T13:51:42Z")
The darkest hour is just before… An hour that’s lighter than it. If you cut me, do I not… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/453 "2004-07-09T14:03:08Z")
> [@NutMagnet](#): > > If you cut me, do I not… Decimate you with my trusty samurai sword? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, where’s… ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/454 "2004-07-09T14:34:56Z")
. . . the quart of crunchy qumquats Queen Connie quickly cashed? A vote for me is . . . ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/455 "2004-07-09T14:39:04Z")
(Would you believe, “cached”? Friday just doesn’t come early enough for me any more.) ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/456 "2004-07-09T14:51:19Z")
> [@BJMoose](#): > > . . > A vote for me is . . . A vote for equal rights for all moose-kind. On the first day of Xmas my true love gave to me … ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/457 "2004-07-09T14:52:24Z")
A vote for me is . . . about as useful as tits on a nun, since I’m not on the ballot. For every star in the heavens … ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/458 "2004-07-09T15:02:08Z")
> [@NutMagnet](#): > > For every star in the heavens … there exists a person who doesn’t get the -gry puzzle. A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a… (Oh and **BJMoose** , I was all excited there, thinking kumquats were some new currency. Dunno why though, since I don’t have any kumquats to my name either) ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/459 "2004-07-09T17:14:33Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > A vote for equal rights for all moose-kind. > > On the first day of Xmas my true love gave to me … …Divorce papers, cleverly disquised as a subscription renewal to Maxim magazine. > [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a… …well, actually, it’s not really a _kingdom_ per se,…it’s actually more of a Duchy, really…well, sort of a semi-incorporated territory just south of the - hello? Anybody there? Every time a bell rings… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/460 "2004-07-09T17:22:00Z")
and you open the door chances are it will either be a salesperson or a Jehovah’s Witness. “Opportunity knocks but…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=24)