# If life gives you lemons... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931 "2004-06-24T02:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/501 "2004-07-15T17:37:56Z")
> [@photopat](#): > > Always look on the bright… …child with as jaundiced an eye as you can. They are not to be trusted. Heavy lies the head that… ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/502 "2004-07-15T22:03:18Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > …child with as jaundiced an eye as you can. They are not to be trusted. > > Heavy lies the head that… …has shit for brains. A closed mind is like… ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/503 "2004-07-15T22:31:41Z")
> [@Cinnamon Girl](#): > > …has shit for brains. > > A closed mind is like… …“dude, like, why am I so closed? I’m totally suffocating in here! I’ve got to break free! Where’s the bong?” If you’re happy and you know it… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/504 "2004-07-16T00:29:26Z")
[QUOTE=Rufus XavierIf you’re happy and you know it…[/QUOTE] … kindly keep it to yourself, I’m trying to be misserable over here. Keep your friends close, and your enemies … ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/505 "2004-07-16T01:36:15Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Keep your friends close, and your enemies … In Siberia. The grass is always greener on … ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/506 "2004-07-16T01:58:12Z")
The grass is always greener on… the part where the cow craps. Miss Polly had a dolly… ---
**Author:** ![Rock\_n\_Roach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Rock\_n\_Roach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock_n_Roach)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/507 "2004-07-16T11:04:36Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > The grass is always greener on… the part where the cow craps. > Miss Polly had a dolly… As big as her, by golly She filled it air When her baby wasn’t there and proceed to get her jollys Wine, women and… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/508 "2004-07-16T12:20:27Z")
> [@Rock n Roach](#): > > As big as her, by golly > She filled it air > When her baby wasn’t there > and proceed to get her jollys > > Wine, women and… before ya know it, we got us a shotgun weddin’. Whenever you feel lonely, just remember… ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/509 "2004-07-16T14:33:27Z")
. . . your hand is always at hand. When all else fails . . . ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/510 "2004-07-16T14:51:21Z")
> [@BJMoose](#): > > When all else fails . . . …just kill yourself. End it all right then and there, 'cause it ain’t gonna get any better. **Do unto others…** ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/511 "2004-07-16T15:25:17Z")
> [@bittersweet](#): > > …just kill yourself. End it all right then and there, 'cause it ain’t gonna get any better. > **Do unto others…** …is our new National Motto! Old MacDonald had a… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/512 "2004-07-16T16:02:41Z")
> [@Rufus Xavieris](#): > > … > Old MacDonald had a… couple of tacky golden arches. Give a dog a bad name and… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/513 "2004-07-16T16:43:49Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > couple of tacky golden arches. > > Give a dog a bad name and… you’ll end up looking stupid standing in your front yard and hollering it all over the neighborhood. One sure way to end a friendship is… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/514 "2004-07-16T17:06:32Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > One sure way to end a friendship is… With “p.” Either the letter “p,” or with a nice refreshing whizz on your soon-to-be-ex-friend’s leg. Olly, olly oxen… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/515 "2004-07-16T17:23:37Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Olly, olly oxen… are no fun on a pub crawl … they never buy a round. Every dog has his … ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/516 "2004-07-16T19:42:27Z")
…tendency to annoy non-dog-owners. If you’ve got it, … ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/517 "2004-07-16T19:46:53Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > are no fun on a pub crawl … they never buy a round. > > Every dog has his … bitch. The only thing we have to fear… ---
**Author:** ![Rock\_n\_Roach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Rock\_n\_Roach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock_n_Roach)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/518 "2004-07-16T20:04:43Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > If you’ve got it, … …just think how good you’d feel if you shared it. I don’t need much. The only thing we have to fear… is that 1920’s style death ray (i think - I should really research that before I reference it) An apple a day… ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/519 "2004-07-16T20:25:06Z")
…keeps elderly Broadway composers away. Anyone for… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/520 "2004-07-16T23:52:23Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > … > Anyone for… sex, drugs and rock’n roll [not necessarily in that order] Every good boy deserves … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=27)