# If life gives you lemons... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931 "2004-06-24T02:27:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 28
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/541 "2004-07-18T15:03:23Z")
…tend to be no fun at parties. To pay the… ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/542 "2004-07-18T18:53:37Z")
15 dollars to Cecil, is to fund your own eventual undoing. 99 bottles of beer on the wall… ---
**Author:** ![vexinvixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df705f/32.png) [@vexinvixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vexinvixen)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/543 "2004-07-18T18:56:36Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > …tend to be no fun at parties. > > To pay the… To pay the rent, I sold the little TV in my bedroom and my stereo. Since I like to go to sleep watching Leno, I selpt on the couch. That gave me a stiff neck. So the next day I went to see the chiropractor. To pay for the chiropractor (3 visits and x-rays) I sold my bed, since I was sleeping on the couch anyway. Of course, that kept giving me a stiff neck – should have sold the couch instead, or moved the TV. So I went back to the chiropractor. To pay the next bill I sold my bicycle and my microwave. Without the microwave, I couldn’t eat, so I called out for Chinese. That hot mustard gave me a bad case of indigestion so I had so go see my GP. To pay the bill, I sold my kitchen table. That was ok, I could always sit on the couch and eat my take-out food. I ordered pizza. But that made the indigestion come back. To pay for that trip to the GP, plus the prescriptions and the upper GI x-ray, I sold my coffee maker, and the kitchen chairs, since the table was already gone anyway. Moving that stuff made my back hurt and my neck got stiff again, so I went back to the chiropractor. More bills. More things sold. More problems. More bills. And so on, until I finally had to sell my car. My bike was already sold, so I had to walk to work. And that’s why I’m late. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![vexinvixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df705f/32.png) [@vexinvixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vexinvixen)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/544 "2004-07-18T18:57:40Z")
Ooooops – almost forgot. If you’re going to act like a child… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/545 "2004-07-18T21:13:51Z")
… you gotta be cute. Not “Ooo, you’re cute! Wanna go out on Saturday?” cute, but “Aww, little Tyler is holdin’ a spoon” cute. We didn’t start the fire. It was… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/546 "2004-07-19T01:04:07Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > … We didn’t start the fire. It was… Spontaneous combustion, honestly, yer honour. Beware of Greeks … ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/547 "2004-07-19T01:27:44Z")
…On vacation, carrying cameras. The face that launched… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/548 "2004-07-19T02:21:20Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > …The face that launched… a thousand projectile vomits?? Handsome is … ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/549 "2004-07-19T03:25:03Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > a thousand projectile vomits?? > > Handsome is … …an odd word, isn’t it? What does ‘having some hands’ have to do with looking good? Jack fell down, and broke his crown, and Jill… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/550 "2004-07-19T03:35:14Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > … > > Jack fell down, and broke his crown, and Jill… picked up the pieces, stuck them back together with blutack and sticky tape, crowned herself, and fulfilled a lifelong ambition to be ‘Queen for a day’. Necessity is the mother … ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/551 "2004-07-19T03:42:10Z")
…Shut your mouth! The rain in Spain stays mainly… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/552 "2004-07-19T17:54:48Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > … > > The rain in Spain stays mainly… inside the Spanish borders. Fool me once… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/553 "2004-07-19T22:56:20Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > Fool me once… … and I’ll smash’a your face. For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us … ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/554 "2004-07-19T23:01:57Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us … wolf it down like pigs. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/555 "2004-07-20T12:45:05Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > wolf it down like pigs. > A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away… …The starship Enterprise came through yet another rip in the space-time continuum. ‘Where the heck are we now, Spock?’ Yelled captain Kirk. See a penny, pick it up… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/556 "2004-07-20T12:52:35Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > …The starship Enterprise came through yet another rip in the space-time continuum. ‘Where the heck are we now, Spock?’ Yelled captain Kirk. > See a penny, pick it up… cause we all know what a cheapskate you are. Pride goeth before… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/557 "2004-07-20T13:03:54Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Pride goeth before… The elastic waistband in your pants breaks in a crowded street, and you realise that your pants are round your ankles. A million housewives every day, pick up a tin of beans and say… ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/558 "2004-07-20T13:42:35Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > The elastic waistband in your pants breaks in a crowded street, and you realise that your pants are round your ankles. > > A million housewives every day, pick up a tin of beans and say… you want supper now? (flinging can) here’s yer damn supper! Never stand before an angry crowd and… ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/559 "2004-07-20T13:49:09Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Never stand before an angry crowd and… …sing showtunes to try and cheer them up. Angry crowds HATE showtunes. **A fool and his money…** ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931/560 "2004-07-20T14:05:23Z")
> [@bittersweet](#): > > … **A fool and his money…** are loved by pan-handlers and con-men. The devil makes work for… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=27) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-gives-you-lemons/251931.md?page=29)