# If life is a rock and the radio rolls me... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2002, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975 "2002-03-30T22:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![meezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9c0ed/32.png) [@meezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meezer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/141 "2002-04-04T20:59:19Z")
Rap, rap, rap, They call him the rapper… ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/142 "2002-04-04T21:22:27Z")
Ben, most people would turn you away, I, don’t listen to the words they say. They don’t see you as I do, I wish that they’d try to yadda yadda yadda I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. I write the songs that make the young girls cry. I write the songs, I write the songs. My home lies deep within you, and I’ve got my own place in your sole. Now, when I look out through your eyes, I’m young again, even though I’m very old. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. I write the songs that make the young girls cry. I write the songs, I write the songs. ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/143 "2002-04-04T21:36:03Z")
Realizing you (characterizations deleted) couldn’t be expected to READ the thread, co I create a nice little list of songs-to-date. What happens!!!??? Duplicates! “Honey” has been done “I’ve Never Been to Me” has been done “Ben” has been done **RICO -** Your Eagles line is from _Take It Easy_. ALREADY DONE! OK - that’s it! No more lists for you! Go ahead and LOOK foolish, see if I care!! ahem… I knew a man That I did not care for And then one day, This man gave me a call We sat and talked About what was on our minds And now this man, He is a friend of mine… Reach out in the Darkness, Reach out in the Darkness, Reach out in the Darkness, And you might find a friiiiend… ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/144 "2002-04-04T21:42:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by casdave \* > \*\* > My home lies deep within you, > and I’ve got my own place in your sole. > \*\* ROTFLMAO - that must qualify as the world’s best typo. How appropriate for Barry Manilow to be sharing space with old chewing gum and dog shit! ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/145 "2002-04-04T22:49:49Z")
But Rosie you’re all right – you wear my ring When you hold me tight – Rosie that’s my thing When you turn out the light – I’ve got to hand it to me Looks like it’s me and you again tonight Rosiiiie… **WITCH -** Thanks for the Carpenters… I think… Please come to Boston for the springtime, I’m stayin’ with some friends and they’ve got lots of room You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk… ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/146 "2002-04-05T00:24:29Z")
Song sung blue everybody knows one Song sung blue every garden grows one Me and you are subject to the blues now and then Oh when you take the blues and make a song Good lord You sing em out again Sing em out again Song sung blue weeping like a willow Song sung blue sleeping on my pillow Funny thing but you can’t sing it with a cry in your voice And before you know it starts to feeling good you simply got no choice you simply got no choice ---
**Author:** ![shelbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@shelbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shelbo)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/147 "2002-04-05T01:22:00Z")
[strained singing] When you get caught betweeeeen the mooon and New York Ciity You know it’s crazy but it’s truuue. If you get caught between the moon and New York Ciiiiiiiiity The best that you can do (the best that you can do!) Is fallallall in loooooooove! [/strained singing] ---
**Author:** ![Tracytron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@Tracytron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracytron)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/148 "2002-04-05T01:38:18Z")
The love between the two of us was dyin’ And it got so bad i knew I had to leave But halfway down that highway when I turned around I saw My little daughter runnin’ after me Sayin’ “Daddy don’t you walk so fast Daddy don’t you walk so fast Daddy slow down some, ‘cause you’re makin’ me run Daddy don’t you walk so fast” Of course, it’s just not the same without the cheesy orchestration and overwrought vocal stylings of Wayne Newton. ---
**Author:** ![Tinkertoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@Tinkertoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinkertoy)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/149 "2002-04-05T01:53:34Z")
**Wayne Newton**? That was cruel Brother bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime His sister had another, she paid it for a lime. She put the lime in the coconut, and drank them both up She put the lime in the coconut, and drank them both up She put the lime in the coconut, Called the doctor, woke him up, and said, “Doctor, ain’t there nothin’ I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache? I say, Doctor, ain’t there nothin’ I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?” "Now let me get this straight; You put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up You put the lime in the coconut, you drank them both up You put the lime in the coconut, called your doctor, woke him up, and said, ‘Doctor, ain’t there nothing I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache? I say, Doctor, ain’t there nothin’ I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?’ You put the lime in the coconut, and drink them both down, You put the lime in the cocount, you’re such a silly woman! Put the lime in the coconut, and drink them both together, Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning." ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/150 "2002-04-05T02:16:40Z")
I want you I need you But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you Now don’t be sad 'Cause wo outta three ain’t baaad… ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/151 "2002-04-05T04:03:21Z")
hey, rico, i knew that was ‘ariel’. and i knew it was dean freidman too. happy heathen, you rule. i gotta couple. cant believe this one hasnt been mentioned. sometimes when we touch the honesty’s too much and i have to hide my eyes, aaaaand cry i wanna hold you til i die til we both break down and cry i wanna hold you til the fear in me subsiiiidesssss… second worstest song ever, eclipsed only by ‘seasons in the sun’, which coincidentally was written by the unholy duo of jacques brel and rod mckuen. (insert astonished-face smiley) here’s another nod to the great one, frankie valli. oh what a night late december back in 63 what a very special time for me i remember, what a night (four seasons) dooo doo doo DOO DOO, dooo doo doo DOO DOO oh what a night though i didnt even know her name i was never gonna be the same what a lady, what a night stop me before i kill again. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/152 "2002-04-05T04:48:52Z")
Interestingly enough the subject of bad songs came up at work today. One of my co-workers remembered a song about “Timothy” which he believed was a cat, and two boys that got trapped in a cave. We found the song, and it’s by Rupert Holmes, who must be the king of bad song lyrics. After reading the lyrics, I’m not so sure that Timothy was a cat… I give you “Timothy” Trapped in a mine that had caved in And everyone knows the only ones left Were Joe and me and Tim When they broke through to pull us free The only ones left to tell the tale Were Joe and me Chorus 1: Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go? Timothy, Timothy, God why don’t I know? Verse 2: Hungry as hell no food to eat And Joe said that he would sell his soul For just a piece of meat Water enough to drink for two And Joe said to me, “I’ll take a swig And then there’s some for you.” Chorus 2: Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do? Verse 3: I must have blacked out just around then 'Cause the very next thing that I could see Was the light of the day again My stomach was full as it could be And nobody ever got around To finding Timothy ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/153 "2002-04-05T05:24:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by happyheathen \* > > **RICO -** > Your Eagles line is from _Take It Easy_. ALREADY DONE! AHEM: My post simply was a new category - grossest song line ever…I realized “Take It Easy” had already been done… Meanwhile, back at the Bad Lyrics ranch… We’re so sorry Uncle Albert We’re so sorry if we caused you any pain We’re so sorry Uncle Albert But there’s no one left at home and I believe I’m gonna rain We’re so sorry but we haven’t done a thing all day We’re so sorry Uncle Albert But if anything should happen, we’ll be sure to give a ring We’re so sorry Uncle Albert But we haven’t done a bloody thing all day We’re so sorry Uncle Albert But the kettle’s on the boil, and we’re so easily called away Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah Hands across the water, water, hands across the sky Hands across the water, water, hands across the sky Admiral Halsey notified me He had to have a berth or he couldn’t get to sea I had another look and I had a cup of tea And a butter pie Butter pie? The butter wouldn’t melt so they put it in a pie Hands across the water, water, heads across the sky Hands across the water, water, heads across the sky Live a little, be a gypsy, get around, get around Get your feet up off the ground, live a little, get around Live a little, be a gypsy, get around, get around Get your feet up off the ground, live a little, get around Hands across the water, water, heads across the sky Hands across the water, water, heads across the sky :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/154 "2002-04-05T05:24:17Z")
[sarcasm] **essvee** , thanks SO much for posting that bit from Dan Hill! [/sarcasm] Now all I can think of is my sister’s rendition of it… yes, she likes adult-contemporary songs! Luckily, she hasn’t done that one for me, our brother, or assorted friends of ours in a long time! Unfortunately, I have nothing more to add to this thread at this time. Perhaps that’s a **good** thing, considering… ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/155 "2002-04-05T05:31:24Z")
you are forgiven for ‘Delta Dawn’ - great stuff! but, for the masses who are cursed to always remember: BIG BAD JOHN Jimmy Dean Big John Big John Every morning at the mine you could see him arrive He stood six-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip Everybody knew you didn’t give no lip to Big John Big John Big John Big Bad John Big John Nobody seemed to know where John called home He just drifted into town and stayed all alone He didn’t say much, kinda quiet and shy If ya spoke at all, ya just said hi to Big John Somebody said he came from New Orleans Where he got in a fight o’er a cajun queen And a crashin’ blow from a huge right hand Sent a Lousianna fella to the promised land, Big John Big John Big John Big Bad John Big John Then came the day at the bottom of the mine When a timber cracked and men started cryin’ Miners were prayin’ and hearts beat fast And everybody thought they’d breathed their last, 'cept John Through the dust and the smoke of this man-made hell Walked a giant of a man that the miners knew well Grabbed the saggin’ timber and gave out with a groan And like a giant oak tree, just stood there alone, Big John Big John Big John Big Bad John Big John And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove Then a miner yelled out, there’s a light up above And twenty men scrambled from a would-be grave now there’s only one left down there to save, Big John With jacks and timbers they started back down Then came that rumble way down in the ground As smoke and gas belched outta the mine Everybody knew it was the end of the line for Big John Big John Big John Big Bad John Big John Now, they never re-opened that worthless pit They just placed a marble stand in front of it These few words are written on that stand, At the bottom of this mine lies one Hell of a man, Big John Big John Big John Big Bad John Big John ---
**Author:** ![Tracytron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@Tracytron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracytron)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/156 "2002-04-05T08:20:40Z")
If the memory of that bad Wayne Newton song didn’t stop you people, perhaps THIS will: I Wish I Was Your Friend and Not Your Wife You’re with your friends each night While home alone my teardrops fall You’re having such a good time you don’t take time to call I seldom see you anymore it’s such a lonely life I wish I was your friend and not your wife I wish I was your friend how happy I could be To have you call me every night And want to be with me You’d always take me with you, I could share your other life I wish I was your friend and not your wife The children hardly know you, they just see you now and then They call you “Mister Daddy” when you come walking in To think you’d rather be with friends cuts us like a knife I wish I was your friend and not your wife… Lyrics by the late great Harlan Howard Sung in 1968 by the amazing Miss Wanda Jackson. Included here for the ridiculousness of the lyrics, but listen to Wanda sing it and I guarantee that you will cry. Tracytron over and out. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/157 "2002-04-05T10:39:44Z")
**happyheathen** , you asked for it: > [@](#): > > Maybe someone SHOULD post “Dominique”… \*Domini-que, ni-que, ni-que, nique Over the land he walks along And sings a little song Never asking for reward, He just talks about the Lord He just talks about the Lord. Domini-que, ni-que, ni-que, nique Dah-dah-dah-dah tout simplement Routier, pavrier et chantant Entout chemins entout lout Il ne parle que du bon Dieu Il ne parle que du bon Dieu\* Also, since this got stuck in my head yesterday morning after reading this thread, I give you the all too mortal Richie Valens \*Par balinar La Bamba, Par balinar La Bamba, Tu nececitas una poca de gracia. Una poca de gracia por qui sen es, (?) Por qui sen es, Por qui sen es. Ba-ba-bamba Ba-ba bamba. Yo no soy marinero Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan, Soy capitan Soy capitan Ba-ba-bamba Ba-ba bamba. \* My translation: \*To dance the Bamba To dance the Bamba You only need a little grace A little grace ? Ba-ba-bamba, etc. I am not a sailor I am not a sailor, I am the captain I am the captain I am the captain Ba-ba-bamba, \*etc. I’m taking the 5th on how I know Dominique, but I have played and sung it. I apologize for the bad translation. BTW, I’m not afraid to use _99 Red Ballons_. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Rock-n-Rolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/22d042/32.png) [@Rock-n-Rolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock-n-Rolga)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/158 "2002-04-05T14:24:42Z")
She lost her youth, and she lost her Tony, now she’s **LOST HER MIND!** At the Copa- Copacabana… ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/159 "2002-04-05T19:05:57Z")
Johnny get an-ger-ee Johnny get mad! Give me the biggest lecture I’ve ever had! I want a brave man, I want a cave man! Johnny, show me that you care, Really care, For me. Jooooohnnnyyy… Little deuce coupe, you don’t know, You don’t know what I got… ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975/160 "2002-04-06T00:58:03Z")
these are titles. do not have the stomach to look up the actual lyrics. ‘Drop Kick Me Jesus, Through the Field Goal of Life’ ‘You Must Think My Bed’s a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go’ (collected from truck-stop jukeboxes c. 1974) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-is-a-rock-and-the-radio-rolls-me/100975.md?page=9)