# If life was like a video game... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915 "2001-08-24T15:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/1 "2001-08-24T15:08:28Z")
Starting with an older, used, Toyota Supra, within 8 months I’d have $2.5 million in the bank and 100 cars in my garage (it’s filled to capacity) from race winnings. I would’ve won almost every race there is, but I’d never quite get the hang of rallying. Then after one race, I’d notice something odd about the race results (they listed my car type incorrectly), and wake up the next morning to find my garage empty. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/2 "2001-08-24T15:11:02Z")
I’d like to beat the rush and be the first to say: I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/3 "2001-08-24T15:28:52Z")
Don’t glitches (especially save glitches) suck? I’d be able to get into all manner of unlikely places with a grappling hook, but be entirely incapable of climbing over a simple board fence. ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/4 "2001-08-24T15:33:33Z")
I’d take my cue on how to react by listening to the background music. Oh, and I’d have a really great farm. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/5 "2001-08-24T15:39:19Z")
I’d get sick of tunneling in my garden, while pumping those lizards and weird-o’s full of air until they burst, or dropping rocks on their heads. It seems like it never ends… ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/6 "2001-08-24T15:43:46Z")
I could do a nollie boneless of a plywood ramp, whip off a triple kickflip, land in a nose manual, ollie and kickflip again and land a tail manual, ollie again up to a tailslide on a ledge, ollie out of that with a shove-it and continue with a dark-slide, ollie once more and then bluntside to the end, where I’d ollie once again, pull off a mini raostbeef and land in a tail manual once more before ollying and kickflipping and landing with a casper, only to ollie one last time and do a wall ride. As it stands, I almost broke my wrist trying to ride off a curb last month. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/7 "2001-08-24T15:43:51Z")
Life would have a “Save” Button. Wouldn’t it be neat to be able to save your life right before you’re about to do/say something that could cost you your life/happiness/pride/genitals? ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/8 "2001-08-24T15:45:31Z")
I’d have three Formula One cars and millions of dollars. I’d have a big-ass gun sword and a scar on my face. I’d be able to telekinetically stack odd shaped blocks perfectly so that they would disappear. I’d have to fight a demon named, interestingly enough, Fortinbras. ((1000 cool-points for guessing all four of these games.)) ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/9 "2001-08-24T15:48:38Z")
I would be able to turn it off for awhile when it got boring. ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/10 "2001-08-24T16:14:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simetra \* > \*\*I’d have three Formula One cars and millions of dollars. > > I’d have a big-ass gun sword and a scar on my face. > > I’d be able to telekinetically stack odd shaped blocks perfectly so that they would disappear. > > I’d have to fight a demon named, interestingly enough, Fortinbras. > > ((1000 cool-points for guessing all four of these games.)) \*\* 1. Grand Prix Manager (?) 2. Final Fantasy 8 3. Tetris 4. Onimusha Warlords Did I win? ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/11 "2001-08-24T16:17:16Z")
I would carry around everything I ever found, just in case I need it later on. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/12 "2001-08-24T16:36:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jet Jaguar \* > \*\* > > 1. Grand Prix Manager (?) > 2. Final Fantasy 8 > 3. Tetris > 4. Onimusha Warlords > > Did I win? \*\* I’ll give you 750. Just 'cause you got the Onimusha reference. However, No. 1 is Gran Turismo 3, but I could see how you would be led to believe otherwise. So… 750. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/13 "2001-08-24T16:38:59Z")
I’d carry around a dozen canisters of napalm, even though I don’t own a flame thrower. Because you never know when you’ll need it. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/14 "2001-08-24T16:47:53Z")
I’d be holding a lance and sitting on an ostrich that’s nervous about the really big hand coming out of the lava to grab it. Did I say that out loud? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/15 "2001-08-24T17:00:39Z")
I’d have swarms of zerglings rushing ahead of me to the subway to clear a path so I can sit, I’d have all the cheat codes for unlimited amounts of money, ammo weapons… I’d always make sure to use the portals to jump ahead to the end and save the princess… I’d have myself on god-mode all the time… There would be a replay button for certain events… I’d finally kick those damn worms with bazookas butts. ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/16 "2001-08-24T17:10:44Z")
I’d get three more lives for a quarter. To hell with insurance premiums! ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/17 "2001-08-24T17:22:10Z")
My enemies would leave guns and explosives lying around their fortresses so I could pick them up as I broke in. I would be able to play an Ocarina and make it rain. I would be the only person who could save the world/universe. I would eat mushrooms and grow. I would be the leader of a crack anti-terorist team. I would wear a leisure suit. I could find 4 pellets a day that made my enemies unable to kill me so I could eat them. I’ll stop now. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/18 "2001-08-24T17:32:12Z")
Well, if computer games count… I’d lead the Greek civilization to overthrow it’s Roman overlords, and level their markets and fortresses using Stone Throwers and Helipolises, plus Phalanxes to terrorize the Roman citizens and Chariot archers to destroy the priests. Of course, the next day, I’d lead the Roman armies to ruthlessly suppress the Greek rebels. In between, I’d get p’d off because no matter how far out I zone light industrial areas (road access/with power/without water), farms never get built. And fume cause there’s no depressed highways available! ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/19 "2001-08-24T18:00:18Z")
I’d sue someone for negligence, just 'cause they built their buildings with giant sawblades shooting out of the walls and spiked pits opening up and stuff. That, and I’d rub a magic lamp for a wish for the blessed rustproof +2 Grayswandir. I’m not sure if I’m lawful enough, though. I might get blasted by its power. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915/20 "2001-08-24T18:02:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dalovindj \* > \*\* > I would wear a leisure suit. > \*\* Larry? Is that you? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-life-was-like-a-video-game/77915.md?page=2)