# If literary characters posted on the SDMB **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 1, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389 "2012-02-01T04:09:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/1 "2012-02-01T04:09:47Z")
As the title says. > [@Hannibal Lecter](#): > > Is it hot or cold water that takes blood out of clothes? > Need answer fast! > [@Phillip Marlowe](#): > > Does cyanide really smell like almonds? > [@Charles Foster Kane](#): > > What is a good name for my sled? > [@Nero Wolfe](#): > > Can I plant orchids in sphagnum moss? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/2 "2012-02-01T04:28:14Z")
I’ll try: > [@Miss Elizabeth Bennet](#): > > I just had the oddest kind of proposal of marriage from Mr Darcy: one that I never sought or expected. Of course I rejected it, because I do not believe I can ever love that gentleman, but what do other Dopers think? ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/3 "2012-02-01T04:43:29Z")
Okay, I’ll try a few… > [@Tom Sawyer](#): > > Dopefest at my place! Bring a paintbrush. > [@Hamlet](#): > > Help me out of this state of melancholy > [@James Bond](#): > > I’m playing golf with an important businessman, and he’s cheating. How do I deal with it? > [@Ray Garraty](#): > > Recommend a good pair of walking shoes ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/4 "2012-02-01T04:54:22Z")
And: [QUOTE=Ophelia] My boyfriend rejected me, and told me to join a nunnery and other rude things. Then he went and killed my father, who I loved dearly. My boyfriend’s father is the king, but he does not seem to want to do anything about it. I think I’m going mad: what should I do? [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/5 "2012-02-01T05:35:00Z")
Forrest Gump: > [@](#): > > What is life? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/6 "2012-02-01T05:44:32Z")
Heard a who, what do I do? - Horton88 ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/7 "2012-02-01T06:36:00Z")
From our favourite fantasy masterpiece: [QUOTE=Gandalf] How many rings of power have the ring verse inscribed on it? Is there any sure-fire way to verify if a ring is the One Ring? [/quote] [QUOTE=Saruman] Why don’t you bring it over to Orthanc and let me have a look at it? [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/8 "2012-02-01T06:47:41Z")
Mine: [QUOTE=Count Dracula] What’s the most powerful available kind of sunscreen, and where can I get it? Need answer fast! [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Cthulhu] Can’t sleep, but the stars aren’t right yet. Any insomniacs with suggestions? Need answer fast! (before you go mad) [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![LegendHasit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/legendhasit/32/8246_2.png) [@LegendHasit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LegendHasit)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/9 "2012-02-01T08:25:57Z")
I know, I know, some of these aren’t literary figures, but. . . > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Dorothy Gale** > Ask the girl with the _amazing_ ruby slippers! > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Cindy Brady** > For sale: Vintage 1970s Kitty Kerriall doll. Has some slight markings on the face, but in otherwithe good condition. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Tootie Ramsey** > Will be in Chicago for a week. Where are the BEST places to skate in the city? > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Kermit the Frog** > MPSIMS: I’m engaged! What kind of gifts would you get for a pig? > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Linus VanPelt** > What the heck happened to old school acrylic blankets? (aka, I’m neurotic) > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Big Bird** > Did your imaginary friends ever become REAL? ---
**Author:** ![Teufelblitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@Teufelblitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teufelblitz)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/10 "2012-02-01T12:42:24Z")
[Quote= Zaphod Beeblebrox] [Quote= Marvin the Paranoid Android] [QUOTE=Forrest Gump] What is life? [/quote] Life! Don’t talk to me about life. [/quote] We have a saying up here, “Life is Wasted on the living.” [/quote] Don’t get me started… ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/11 "2012-02-01T13:25:52Z")
Originally posted by **Vladimir and Estragon** : > [@](#): > > How long shuld you stick around before concluding he isn’t going to show? Originally posted by **Lennie Small** : > [@](#): > > Tell me about the Rabbits Originally posted by **Mustapha Mond** : > [@](#): > > Ask the World Controller of Western Europe Originally Posted by **Oedipus** : > [@](#): > > What has Four Legs in the Morning, Two in the Afternoon, and Three legs in the Evening? Need answer fast! Originally posted by **Charles Dexter Ward** : > [@](#): > > Are there any Hazards in Geneaology? Back in the 1970s, the Boston _Phoenix_ had a large and lively (and uncensored) Personals section. One area bookstore, the Paperback Booksmith, used to place personal ads from one literary character to another (like Dejah Thoris and John Carter) as a sneaky way of getting cheap advertising. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/12 "2012-02-01T13:39:16Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Back in the 1970s, the Boston _Phoenix_ had a large and lively (and uncensored) Personals section. One area bookstore, the Paperback Booksmith, used to place personal ads from one literary character to another (like Dejah Thoris and John Carter) as a sneaky way of getting cheap advertising. Not unlike the _National Lampoon,_ where ALL the letters to the editor were made up. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/13 "2012-02-01T14:15:46Z")
> [@Holden Caulfield](#): > > What a bunch of phonies. (can he say that outside of the pit?) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/14 "2012-02-01T14:32:42Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Not unlike the _National Lampoon,_ where ALL the letters to the editor were made up. _Very_ unlike the National Lampoon – in NatLamp the publishers were making up the letters – _all_ the letters. In the Phoenix, an outside company was making up letters and throwing them in with the real personal ads. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/15 "2012-02-01T15:28:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Oedipus: > > > [@](#): > > > > What has Four Legs in the Morning, Two in the Afternoon, and Three legs in the Evening? Need answer fast! 14k of g in a f p d, of course! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/16 "2012-02-01T15:58:28Z")
Originally posted by\*\* The Terminator:\*\* > [@](#): > > I’m leaving the board for a while, but I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/17 "2012-02-01T16:36:33Z")
Originally posted by **Lazarus Long** > [@](#): > > Anyone got tips for dealing with precocious, incestuous red headed sisters? (need answer fast!) ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/18 "2012-02-01T16:51:42Z")
To pit, or not to pit - That is the question. ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/19 "2012-02-01T18:25:00Z")
**Originally said by Rincewind** > [@](#): > > Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Do questions about sapient pearwood belong in Cafe Society? Mods please move if necessary. > > Anyway, I wanted to ask … uh oh, gotta run. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389/20 "2012-02-01T19:10:47Z")
**John Yossarian** > [@](#): > > _posted in ATMB_ > How do I cancel my account? **Admin** > [@](#): > > You must make a formal request to cancel your account. **Yossarian** > [@](#): > > I officially request you cancel my account. **Admin** > [@](#): > > Official requests can only be made by Members though their control panel **Yossarian** > [@](#): > > So how do I not become member? **Admin** > [@](#): > > To become a member you need to create a Member account. **Yossarian** > [@](#): > > Great how do I do that? **Admin** > [@](#): > > First you need to cancel your current account. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-literary-characters-posted-on-the-sdmb/611389.md?page=2)