# If LOTR had been written by the Teeming Millions **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 11, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972 "2003-01-11T17:13:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/41 "2003-01-12T14:59:37Z")
Eowyn turned and saw Aragorn behind him. Immediately she went weak at the knees. His rippling muscles, his scraggly beard, his wiry hair, those deep, penetrating eyes… “Well,” she thought to herself, “he doesn’t look like [that guy from Rammstein], but he’ll do.” – **jarbabyj** ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/42 "2003-01-12T15:20:11Z")
Would Are Eco Sytem be Ok If We Extincted Nazgul? ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/43 "2003-01-12T15:41:45Z")
An idea struck him and he turned to Gollum. Gollum had just begun to sneak off on his own, and he was crawling away on all fours through the fern. “Hi! Gollum!” said Sam. “Where are you going? Hunting? Well, see here, old noser, you don’t like our food, and I’d not be sorry for a change myself. Your new motto’s _always ready to help_. Could you find anything fit for a hungry hobbit? When come back, bring pie.” _Lord of the Cliches_ ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/44 "2003-01-12T17:42:02Z")
When I took a look into that huge pit of fire at Mt. Dhoom, I felt my bowels go watery like a jello salad at a Lutheran potluck in August. Running like Aragon with rocket skates, I headed for the closest bathroom. I hit the door at a dead run and bounced off it – the door was locked, surely by the evil of Sauron. It was then that I started to feel something unpleasant in my seat of my pants… …lieu ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/45 "2003-01-12T18:01:22Z")
Mods–I’m sorry if I’m asking this question in the wrong forum (please feel free to move it!), but why did **Saruman** get BANNED? Is there a thread I could read about whether he used to have a different user name? His writing looks awfully familiar. Also, I don’t understand about “pie” and “pants.” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/46 "2003-01-12T19:28:24Z")
Uruk-Hai SMASH! ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/47 "2003-01-12T19:30:33Z")
“Mordor is evil.” said Gandalf. “If Sauron gets the ring there will be a new darkness over middle earth that will never be lifted.” “More drooling idiocy, ehh? You just never stop, do you Gandalf?” said Frodo, “Just for the sake of novelty, try doing a little fucking research rather than simply swallowing everything you hear in country western songs. First, Mordor is not monolithic. Sauron may be evil but most of the orcs can’t stand him and they’ll ditch him given half a chance. This goes double for most of the other races you’ve lumped together as ‘Mordor,’ especially men. Sauron simply isn’t that popular on the Mordoric street. Even if Sauron should get a hold of the ring, his coalition would break up fairly quickly as everyone fought for a piece of the pie.” “Oh, sure, Frodo! And I suppose ‘One ring to rule them. One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.’ is something Sauron got off of a coffee mug!” “Wrong again, magic boy. You are obviously completely unfamiliar with the Black Speech. ‘Krimpatul’ shouldn’t be translated as ‘bind’ in this context. The Black Speech root Krimpa— means literally ‘to bring together.’ It doesn’t imply the use of force. The last line should probably be rendered ‘One ring to bring them all into harmony in the shade.’ Of course, neo-con hotheads would rather use the more radical version whether it’s correct or not.” ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/48 "2003-01-12T19:39:43Z")
Worst. Dark Lord. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/49 "2003-01-12T23:14:54Z")
‘A very nice well-spoken gentlehobbit is Mr. Bilbo, as I’ve always said,’ the Gaffer declared. With perfect truth: for Bilbo was very polite to him, calling him ‘Master Hamfast’, and consulting him constantly upon the growing of vegetables - in the matter of ‘roots’, especially potatoes, the Gaffer was recognized as the leading authority by all in the neighbourhood (including himself). ‘But what about this Frodo that lives with him?’ asked Old Noakes of Bywater. ‘Baggins is his name, but he’s more than half a Brandybuck, they say. It beats me why any Baggins of Hobbiton should go looking for a wife away there in Buckland, where folks are so queer.’ - **Chumpsky** Wait a minute, that’s just lifted word-for-word from the original! - **Everyone else** No it isn’t. - **Chumpsky** Yes it is! - **Everyone else** Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/50 "2003-01-12T23:56:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Desmostylus \* > \*\*‘A very nice well-spoken gentlehobbit is Mr. Bilbo, as I’ve always said,’ the Gaffer declared. With perfect truth: for Bilbo was very polite to him, calling him ‘Master Hamfast’, and consulting him > constantly upon the growing of vegetables - in the matter of ‘roots’, especially potatoes, the Gaffer was recognized as the leading authority by all in the neighbourhood (including himself). > > ‘But what about this Frodo that lives with him?’ asked Old Noakes of Bywater. ‘Baggins is his name, but he’s more than half a Brandybuck, they say. It beats me why any Baggins of Hobbiton should go looking for a wife away there in Buckland, where folks are so queer.’ > > - **Chumpsky** > > Wait a minute, that’s just lifted word-for-word from the original! > > - **Everyone else** > > No it isn’t. > > - **Chumpsky** > > Yes it is! > > - **Everyone else** > > Etc. \*\* **Demo** , I never thought I’d say this, & no doubt I’m losing my marbles, but you’re being unfair to **Chumpsky**. Granted, our resident Red Ranger (Go-Go Power Working Masses!) is a massive pain, but I have never read anything on this Board to suggest he has ever committed plagarism, a very serious charge BTW. You owe him an apology. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/51 "2003-01-13T03:14:51Z")
Oooh… Elves! I just love elves! If Elvis were alive today, what would he think of LOTR? I always liked Elvis, he shakes, he dances, just all around a good time for this red blooded American girl, yesiree! I remember seeing Andy Kaufman do ing an Elvis impersonation, on Saturday Night Live, I think it was. Oh, that reminds of poor poor Maurice Gibbs. What a shame. Has anyone seen the HBO special about Hobbits? Or was it about hobbies of the stars? I never actually looked, I was cooking dinner. Hi, Wonko! Love, **Kn(way out in left field but fun to chat with anyways…)ckers** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/52 "2003-01-13T03:38:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\ ***Demo** , I never thought I’d say this, & no doubt I’m losing my marbles, but you’re being unfair to **Chumpsky**. Granted, our resident Red Ranger (Go-Go Power Working Masses!) is a massive pain, but I have never read anything on this Board to suggest he has ever committed plagarism, a very serious charge BTW. > > You owe him an apology. \*\* Nope, he doesn’t. See [this thread, **Bosda**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=154878&perpage=50&pagenumber=4) for some excellent detective work from **RedFury**. Fenris ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/53 "2003-01-13T03:45:30Z")
“There was this guy who had this ring. I think. Or something. Maybe it was a sword.”-SmileyDeath Two minute later “Or maybe it was a fork.”-Smileydeath 5 mintues later “I don’t know, maybe it was a ring. I think his shirt was red.”-SmileyDeath All within the span of 5 minutes “The…”-SmileyDeath “Ring…”-SmileyDeath “was really powerful”-SmileyDeath “The end. Post! Yay! 900 posts in one night! SUPER POST PARTY!”-SmileyDeath ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/54 "2003-01-13T04:09:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*Nope, he doesn’t. > > See [this thread, **Bosda**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=154878&perpage=50&pagenumber=4) for some excellent detective work from **RedFury**. > > Fenris \*\* Looking at that thread, it looks like he’s lost any sort of credibility… ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/55 "2003-01-13T05:35:22Z")
C’mon everybody, lets make this a 2 billion posts thread… I’m sure with 30 000 members we could do it… ---
**Author:** ![bristlesage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@bristlesage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bristlesage)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/56 "2003-01-13T06:40:44Z")
**Truth Seeker** , are you doing your best **Collunsbury**? ---
**Author:** ![Bubba\_Ray](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bubba\_Ray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubba_Ray)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/57 "2003-01-13T06:58:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > \*\*Uruk-Hai SMASH! \*\* Band Name! ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/58 "2003-01-13T07:29:27Z")
Just for the record, and so it doesn’t appear that I’m avoiding a response to **Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor** , I’ll quote from the thread **Fenris** linked to above. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni_\*\* > Chumpsky, I find that you have done some plagiarizing. Then you try to argue that it’s NOT plagiarizing. We at the Straight Dope take plagiarizing VERY seriously. A new instance of this behavior will lead to your banning. > > Lynn > For the Straight Dope.\*\* This should also save everyone from having to wade through 6+ pages of the pit. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/59 "2003-01-13T07:58:51Z")
“Very well, very well, Master Elrond!” said Bilbo suddenly. “Say no more! It is plain enough what you are pointing at. Bilbo the silly hobbit started this affair, and Bilbo had better finish it, or himself… It is a frightful nuisance. When ought I start?” “Of course, my dear Bilbo,” said Gandalf. “If you had really started this affair, you might be expected to finish it… We do not doubt the word was meant, and we do not doubt that under that jest you are making a valiant offer. But one beyond your strength, Bilbo. You cannot take this thing back. It has passed on.” “You aren’t a freakin’ moderator, Gandalf,” retorted Bilbo. “Keep your freakin’ mouth shut. I was talkin’ to Elrond, you mod-wannabe dipshit.” _Your’re not the boss of me_ ---
**Author:** ![SmileyDeath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SmileyDeath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmileyDeath)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/60 "2003-01-13T08:23:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrightEyes \* > \*\*“There was this guy who had this ring. I think. Or something. Maybe it was a sword.”-SmileyDeath > > Two minute later > “Or maybe it was a fork.”-Smileydeath > > 5 mintues later > “I don’t know, maybe it was a ring. I think his shirt was red.”-SmileyDeath > > All within the span of 5 minutes > “The…”-SmileyDeath > “Ring…”-SmileyDeath > “was really powerful”-SmileyDeath > “The end. Post! Yay! 900 posts in one night! SUPER POST PARTY!”-SmileyDeath \*\* Shut up :mad: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972.md?page=4)