# If LOTR had been written by the Teeming Millions **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 11, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972 "2003-01-11T17:13:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/61 "2003-01-13T08:53:46Z")
SmileyDeath collapsed and went as loose as wet string. “Don’t hurt us! Don’t let them hurt us, precious! They won’t hurt us will they, nice little hobbitses? We didn’t mean no harm, but they jumps on us like cats on poor mices, they did, precious. And we’re so lonely, _SmileyDeath_. We’ll be nice to them, very nice, if they’ll be nice to us, won’t we, yes, yess” ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/62 "2003-01-13T09:01:41Z")
Huh?(ofcourse it would help if I had actually read The lord of the rings) ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/63 "2003-01-13T09:09:59Z")
You’re doing fine, **BrightEyes**. ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/64 "2003-01-13T09:26:34Z")
The Lord of the rings as intrepreted by **Sweet Sue** \*\*[sub](O boy!One ring to rule them all!) [/sub]O º sub)[/sub] + A " \*\* **Sweet Sue** \*\*[sub](O boy!Oh no, sauraman has won!) [/sub]O º sub)[/sub] + A " \*\* Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/65 "2003-01-13T10:24:47Z")
Now I need to kill **BrightEyes**. I’d managed to forget Sweet Sue. ---
**Author:** ![BrightEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2acd7d/32.png) [@BrightEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightEyes)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/66 "2003-01-13T10:28:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > \*\*Now I need to kill **BrightEyes**. I’d managed to forget Sweet Sue. \*\* I guess I should cast a spell of protection or something. 😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/67 "2003-01-13T12:13:39Z")
Well, Frodo, it sounds to me like if the ring wasn’t your responsibility before, it is now that you made a committment to destroying it at Rivendell and you are going to have to see it through. As far as your friends go, stop blaming yourself for their problems. It isn’t your fault. **Manda JO** ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/68 "2003-01-13T12:53:34Z")
Voice of reason: Hey, I ran into Sauron in the vacuum the other day. He’s not such a bad guy. What say we let him come back? Voice in the wilderness: Well, no, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Voice of reason: I wasn’t asking you, I was asking Iluvatar. Keep yer trap shut. Voice in the wilderness: I think Illuvatar will be along shortly, but don’t you remember that Sauron was Morgoth’s leiutenant? Voice of reason: Of course I remember. But he promised to be good after that. Voice in the wilderness: But he wasn’t, was he? What about the downfall of Numenor? Voice of reason: That was a set-up. Voice in the wilderness: And that thing with the rings? Was that another set-up? Iluvatar: Sauron was exiled for good reason. Voice of reason: What reason exactly? Iluvatar: For the multitude reasons set forth in the attached PDF document. Voice of reason: So when can he come back? Voice in the wilderness: He can’t come back. Didn’t you hear Iluvatar? Voice of reason: Sure I heard. I just don’t agree. Iluvatar: It doesn’t matter whether you agree. I’m Iluvatar, you aren’t. Voice of reason: But, but… _The Triumph of Reason_ by **Joe\_Cool** ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/69 "2003-01-13T14:06:59Z")
My apologies **Demo**. I hadn’t read that thread. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/70 "2003-01-13T14:26:15Z")
No problemo, **Bodsa**. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/71 "2003-01-13T14:31:19Z")
**BrightEyes** banned? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/72 "2003-01-13T14:42:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Desmostylus \* > \*\ ***BrightEyes** banned? \*\* Yeah, bummer, no? I’m guessing he and Nova found that statue thingy in the sand. BE: “You bastards! You blew it up! Damn you all to hell!” Mod: “He knows! Must set off cobalt bomb…” Well, that was really just tongue in cheek, y’all. Please don’t use the cattle prods on me again! At least let me change into my rubber underwear before you do. I’m thinking Gollum would soon get himself in trouble on these boards, what with his stalking, name calling, physical threats, etc… ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/73 "2003-01-13T15:05:42Z")
It’s cool, **NoClueBoy**. I was just starting to think that **BrightEyes** was getting the hang of things. I wasn’t watching **BrightEyes** other threads. ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/74 "2003-01-13T17:38:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bristlesage \* > \*\ ***Truth Seeker** , are you doing your best **Collunsbury**? \*\* Yes, indeed, **bristlesage** , the second one was supposed to be **Collounsbury**. Any guesses for the first? Looks like **Ukulele Ike** was right! Two bannings already! Though I have to say that **Bright Eyes** kind of gave the show away by mentioning **Sweet Sue**. It’s unlikely that someone who first registered in January would recall that. I’d forgotten it myself. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/75 "2003-01-13T18:46:44Z")
Your quest is in progress and you will be taken to the results in a moment. Thank you for your patience. Click here if you do not want to wait any longer (or if your browser does not automatically forward you) /_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_\*/_ Sorry! The administrator has specified that you can only do one quest per year. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/76 "2003-01-14T05:29:52Z")
> [@](#): > > [whiny voice]But Diane, baiting trolls is soooo much fun…[/whiny voice] > > Zev Steinhardt (Oops–that’s not a parody, but an actual quote from a Pit thread.) ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/77 "2003-01-14T06:08:41Z")
Then Pippin stabbed upwards, and the written blade of Westerness pierced through the hide and went deep into the vitals of the troll, and his black blood came gushing out. He toppled forward and came crashing down like a falling rock, burying those beneath him. Blackness and stench and crushing pain came upon Pippin, and his mind fell away into a great darkness… “But for Gimli the dwarf, you would have been lost,” said Gandalf. “How many times have I told you - DNFFT?” “I wasn’t _feeding_ it, Gandalf, I was _fighting_ it,” replied Pippin. “I was the one that killed it.” “Hobbits just don’t seem to learn,” sighed Gandalf. “Bloody hell, Gandalf, you’re like a broken record,” snorted Pippin as he stormed off. _Hobbits just want to have fun_ by **EndlessDebate** ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/78 "2003-01-14T06:56:36Z")
“Come, Gandalf,” said Gimli, “tell us how you fared with the Balrog!” “Long I fell into a realm of Shadow found at [http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm](http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm) and we fought long under the living earth, where time is not counted, but instead, there are four spatial dimensions. At last he fled into the dark tunnels described by the Shadows model found at [http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm](http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm) until came we to the Endless Stair.” “Long has that been lost,” said Gimli. “It is there to be found, just as Columbus found that the earth was round,” replied Gandalf. “There do the quantum space energy fluctions resonate geometrical Shadows [http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm](http://home.attbi.com/~jeffocal/shadows.htm) matter thermodynamic Shadows components resonant dimensions Shadows.” - **jeffocal** ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/79 "2003-01-14T11:23:05Z")
Gandalf=Light_Phi Power^n , (G=C_PHI^n) Gollum (or Smeagol) becomes a Ring attractor (or gravitational) when Smeagol is recursive. Balrog=Sauron become fractal. Frodo=permission for hobbits to create the centering force which happens in the elf geometry of embedding. The amount of balrog in any wave system=the amount of recursion between it’s ringwraith and it’s nazgul structure. E=MC^2 only showed us that light traveling in a ring stores the inertia we had labeled Sauron. G=C\*PHI^n shows us that recursion creates the (implosive) palantir force which drew that Saruman into the circle in the first place. We have now learned that Frodo is created when Sam becomes recursive, or self-embedded, or enters into elf geometry. [Why My Theory Is Right](http://obligatory.danwinter.link) The Phi of the Rings, **hiyruu** ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2003, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972/80 "2003-01-14T11:44:06Z")
Did you see those elves that just went past? Cute butts. I’m off to Mordor, to show them who’s the boss. _evil giggle_ What was that song, you know, the one that starts: “Earendil was a Mariner”? Anyone else like that one? I sure did. Gandalf just smacked me! What for? I’m bored. I think I’ll run around and try to attract Sauron’s attention. Ow! Gandalf smacked me _again_! I was just kidding! Can anyone guess what “Frodo” means? Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me! _Lord of the Attention Span_ by **Themis00** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-lotr-had-been-written-by-the-teeming-millions/147972.md?page=5)