# If McCain loses, whose fault is it? THE WITCHES!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 21, 2008, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856 "2008-10-21T04:37:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/41 "2008-10-21T20:11:01Z")
I don’t think McCain needs to worry. I have it on good authority that > [@](#): > > The occultists are “weaving lazy 8’s around McCain’s mind to make him look confused and like an idiot”. is wrong. It should say 'The oculists are “weaving lazy 8’s around McCain’s mind to make him look confused and like an idiot” '. Big difference as long as he isn’t wearing glasses. I like the “meet Jesus” link at the bottom of the page. I wonder if he’s hosting a cocktail party, or if it’s more of a townhall meeting. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/42 "2008-10-21T20:18:19Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Wait, crazy people are posting stuff on the internet now? When did that start? I think what’s new is that the crazy people’s beliefs begin to [fall into accord with the beliefs of the people who are on the ticket](http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/20080925/palin-039-witchcraft-039-video-surfaces-youtube.htm). ETA: > [@wingnut article](#): > > The occultists are “weaving lazy 8’s around McCain’s mind to make him look confused and like an idiot”. _looks at wingnut webpage’s logo_ _rereads_ Hmmm. Associative magic. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/43 "2008-10-21T20:39:29Z")
> [@](#): > > Dear friends: > > THIS IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS. > > Minutes ago I spoke with friend Dr. Norman G. Marvin, M.D. And he is very angry. Very angry, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/44 "2008-10-21T22:04:21Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Please. You think we’re using our powers for something as puny as an election affecting a single area of land on one planet? > > We’re plotting to take out **Skald the Rhymer** , bitches. 😃 I’m not sure why you’d say this out loud. But that’s your problem. One of two problems currently facing you, actually, the other being.. Well, you’ll find out soon enough. You might want to shut all your windows & doors, though. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/45 "2008-10-21T22:10:20Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Next thing you know, there’ll be porn too! I’ll be in my bunk. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/46 "2008-10-21T22:15:56Z")
> [@sqweels](#): > > Why am I getting a mental image of Sarah Palin on stage in an evening gown getting drenched with a bucket of blood? So, what happens is the popular politicians rig the election so Sarah wins the VP slot, but when she gets up to make her acceptance speech, they dump a bucket of Jesus blood all over her. And then she blows up congress with her psychic powers. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/47 "2008-10-21T22:29:02Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > So, what happens is the popular politicians rig the election so Sarah wins the VP slot, but when she gets up to make her acceptance speech, they dump a bucket of Jesus blood all over her. And then she blows up congress with her psychic powers. I’d buy _that_ for a dollar! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/48 "2008-10-21T22:57:26Z")
Funny story, true story- One of the witches I know did build a special shrine in 04 and chant all kinds of incantations for a Kerry victory. We were all very sad when it didn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/49 "2008-10-21T23:32:23Z")
If you’re afraid of the power wielded by witches, you’ve got to be pretty damn insecure about the protective aegis your own religion. Maybe there was some legitimate question about the efficacy of witchcraft in the past; but if history has taught us anything about anything, it teaches us this: _witches never win anything._ “Oh great Earth Goddess and Horned God, hear our plea! Smite our enemies! Save us from the persecution of-- AUGGHHH!!!” _CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE_ And the witches in question here are even worse: they’re African witches. Anyone who examines the continent of Africa must objectively conclude that they have the least effective witches anywhere in the world today. Possibly the extinct Tasmanian witches were less powerful; it’s hard to say. \*Oh great Spirit of the Big Tribal Mask, hear the cries of your people! Unleash your righteous anger! Defend our lands from the ruthless imperialism of-- AUGGGHHH!!!" _NOISE OF WITCH BEING VIOLENTLY DISPLACED BY RUTHLESS IMPERIALISM_ ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2008, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/50 "2008-10-21T23:48:11Z")
You have a point **Terrifel**. It’s why I have no fear of mummies. “You get your power from Ra and the gods of Egypt? Your gods went up against my God and got their asses handed to them.” ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/51 "2008-10-22T00:51:32Z")
[Ah-_HA!_](http://www.injesus.com/index.php?module=message&task=view&MID=ZB007FE1&GroupID=LB006V6Z) > [@](#): > > As I was witching Fox News (Hannity and Colmes)… See, Fox News really IS trying to be “fair and balanced”, but the dastardly inJesus Online Community has been putting the whammy on ‘em, _forcing_ them to be biased in favor of the right-wing and the Republican Party (and weaving lazy 8’s around poor Colmes’ mind). > [@](#): > > This is what the Ruach HaKodesh Spock to me. Occultist Trekkies. Those are the worst kind. Tell me, “inJesus Online Community”, what does your “God” need with a starship, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/52 "2008-10-22T01:02:01Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Last edited by Broomstick; Today at 01:03 PM. Reason: Crap! That wound up in totally the wrong thread! How did THAT happen? I’d blame witches. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/53 "2008-10-22T01:26:05Z")
But which witch? ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/54 "2008-10-22T01:36:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m not sure why you’d say this out loud. But that’s your problem. One of two problems currently facing you, actually, the other being.. > > Well, you’ll find out soon enough. You might want to shut all your windows & doors, though. Radioactive bees, is it? Or just the ordinary flying monkeys with howitzers? ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/55 "2008-10-22T01:52:14Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > You have a point **Terrifel**. It’s why I have no fear of mummies. > > “You get your power from Ra and the gods of Egypt? Your gods went up against my God and got their asses handed to them.” Well, it’s not really the mummy that you have to worry about; it’s the Mummy’s Curse that gets you. The hieroglyphs are what really elevates the Mummy’s Curse above the less potent execrations of other cultures. Pictogram-based languages are the imprecative equivalent of Ub Iwerks cartoons, where a dirty look generates daggers and lightning bolts. It’s the universal language of bad news. It doesn’t matter what culture you’re from; when you see a depiction of a man getting a scarlet ibis rammed up his ass, you know that means trouble. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/56 "2008-10-22T01:59:07Z")
And what about [This Guy](http://images.usatoday.com/weather/_photos/2006/04/05/apcelebflashbackselvis.jpg)??? He brought the whole African hip-shake witchcraft sorta kinda thing into our children’s very hearts. But, he loved his Momma. ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Nya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@Fish\_Nya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Nya)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/57 "2008-10-22T02:09:04Z")
[Seriously, this is EXTREMELY serious.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwxwUiDbRCk) (video) ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/58 "2008-10-22T02:21:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > But which witch? [Glinda] Are you a good witch or a bad witch?[/Glinda] Has anyone checked the footwear of these witches? and are the trade winds favorable for broomflight to America this time of year? I’m a pragmatist at heart–I want concrete answers. And I’ll keep a bucket of water nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/59 "2008-10-22T02:24:00Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > [Glinda] Are you a good witch or a bad witch?[/Glinda] > > Has anyone checked the footwear of these witches? and are the trade winds favorable for broomflight to America this time of year? I’m a pragmatist at heart–I want concrete answers. > And I’ll keep a bucket of water nearby. I’m thinking **broomstick** might know a thing or two about their footwear, and _might_ want to have a word with you about that bucket of water. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/60 "2008-10-22T03:03:51Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Does this work against people who (apparently) show real concern about what witches are allegedly doing? Because that would be good. Yep. Sure does. For serious cases, there’s the turkey curse. But you don’t want to hear about the turkey curse. Face the target, take up a pugilistic stance ala John Sullivan, and stare down the target, eye contact preferable. Begin to wave your arms around, as though you were feeling up a large, sexy giantess. Feel the energy build, then loudly EVOKE. **GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!!!** At the least, it stuns long enough to make an escape, but it can paralyze and stun, performed correctly. As long as we’re telling secrets, Magick is just well tamed psychosis, you know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856.md?page=4)