# If McCain loses, whose fault is it? THE WITCHES!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 21, 2008, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856 "2008-10-21T04:37:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/61 "2008-10-22T09:05:38Z")
I want to learn how to do spiritual warfare. Are there online classes I can take? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/62 "2008-10-22T12:50:08Z")
I think Dion Fortune wrote a book on it called _Psychic Self Defense_, but she was on the other side than these fruit loops ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/63 "2008-10-22T13:22:02Z")
> [@batshit crazy link](#): > > She said Obama’s grandmother sacrificed a black and a white chicken to the “goddess of the river” so both whites and blacks will vote for Obama. I plan to sacrifice a fat groundhog to the goddess of central Ohio so that everyone will vote for Obama. Do I drape the entrails over my neighbor’s McCain/Palin sign, or is that over the top? ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/64 "2008-10-22T13:36:45Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > I want to learn how to do spiritual warfare. Are there online classes I can take? I’d offer private lessons for a nominal fee. If you’re truly interested. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/65 "2008-10-22T13:41:38Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I plan to sacrifice a fat groundhog to the goddess of central Ohio so that everyone will vote for Obama. Do I drape the entrails over my neighbor’s McCain/Palin sign, or is that over the top? Well, given recent history, If you’re going to do the entrail draping thing, match (at least) the weight of the dead animal that was thrown onto that college campus by the McCain supporters, in hedgehogs. Then plaster Central Ohio’s McCain/Palin signs with entrails. Then, for every thirteenth sign, use the hedgehog corpses to create Last Supper, Nativity and Crucifixion scenes. Wait. Is this sympathetic magic, or psychological warfare? Not that there’s a difference, really. ETA, I’d deploy the Dead Hedgehog dioramas on the steps of Republican Party offices. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/66 "2008-10-22T15:26:56Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Radioactive bees, is it? Or just the ordinary flying monkeys with howitzers? Why would genetically-engineered winged flame-spewing venom-fanged necrotizing-fasciitis-spreading monkeys need howitzers? Or, for that matter, WANT them? They attack from the air, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/67 "2008-10-22T16:15:05Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why would genetically-engineered winged flame-spewing venom-fanged necrotizing-fasciitis-spreading monkeys need howitzers? Or, for that matter, WANT them? What kind of question is that? They want them for the same reason that everyone wants howitzers. To howitz, man; to howitz. Monkeys have a natural aptitude for howitzing. Haven’t you ever heard of howitzer monkeys? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/68 "2008-10-22T16:23:48Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > What kind of question is that? They want them for the same reason that everyone wants howitzers. To howitz, man; to howitz. Monkeys have a natural aptitude for howitzing. > > Haven’t you ever heard of howitzer monkeys? You’ll pay this, Spider-Man. Oh, how you’ll pay. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/69 "2008-10-22T19:09:52Z")
Last night I spoke on the phone to a close friend and asked her if she was the witch who’s casting spells against McCain and Palin. She said it wasn’t her, so I asked her if she would please start doing so. 'Cause what, it’s okay for the nutcases to pray to their god, but it’s unfair for her to use her god/dess? Pish-posh. And didn’t the Bible make a whole big point about how God is the ONE TRUE GOD and everyone else is wasting their time on false idols? I’m baffled and amused by the fact that these Christian wackos not only believe in witchcraft, but apparently believe that it’s as strong or stronger than their God. ---
**Author:** ![JimmyFlair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce7236/32.png) [@JimmyFlair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyFlair)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/70 "2008-10-22T19:10:30Z")
I like how it ended suddenly with “end of excerpt”, like a “Seacrest out” thing.(Or at least that’s how I read it). I’m going to start using that all the time, maybe even while speaking- “See you tomorrow, end of excerpt!” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/71 "2008-10-22T19:30:51Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > Haven’t you ever heard of howitzer monkeys? I don’t need an engineer to tell me that a monkey with a howitzer on its head is dangerously overloaded and seriously NOT aerodynamic. Then there’s the whole ammunition issue. Unless we’re talking Gigantic Flying Howitzer **Apes**. Then we’re cool. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/72 "2008-10-22T19:40:48Z")
The [AC-130 gunship](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_AC-130) can be fitted with howitzers, so there’s no reason that flying monkeys could not also be fitted with howitzers. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/73 "2008-10-22T20:10:09Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why would genetically-engineered winged flame-spewing venom-fanged necrotizing-fasciitis-spreading monkeys need howitzers? Or, for that matter, WANT them? They attack from the air, after all. Ah, my apologies. And the howitzers would definitely affect the aerodynamics of the flight plans. But alas, so far, my skies are only darkened with clouds threatening cold precipitation. Unless the monkeys are what’s darkening the clouds. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/74 "2008-10-22T21:02:12Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Next thing you know, there’ll be porn too! Whoa, talk about your slippery slopes! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/75 "2008-10-23T02:09:40Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > Whoa, talk about your slippery slopes! Using Vaseline or KY? ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/76 "2008-10-23T03:17:52Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Using Vaseline or KY? Pfff… this is the internet. Everyone uses Spit. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/77 "2008-10-23T04:02:59Z")
> [@RoOsh](#): > > Pfff… this is the internet. > Everyone uses Spit. Duh. Siffredi Spitsub[/sub]! It’s what all the kool kidz are using… urp! :o ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/78 "2008-10-23T06:20:40Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > Last night I spoke on the phone to a close friend and asked her if she was the witch who’s casting spells against McCain and Palin. She said it wasn’t her, so I asked her if she would please start doing so. 'Cause what, it’s okay for the nutcases to pray to their god, but it’s unfair for her to use her god/dess? Pish-posh. > > And didn’t the Bible make a whole big point about how God is the ONE TRUE GOD and everyone else is wasting their time on false idols? I’m baffled and amused by the fact that these Christian wackos not only believe in witchcraft, but apparently believe that it’s as strong or stronger than their God. Let me say there are a good many conservative Christians, even of the Fund’ist, Evang & Charis/Pentie persuasions, who regard this bunch at [InJesus.com](http://InJesus.com) as fruitcakes. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/79 "2008-10-23T19:02:04Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Let me say there are a good many conservative Christians, even of the Fund’ist, Evang & Charis/Pentie persuasions, who regard this bunch at [InJesus.com](http://InJesus.com) as fruitcakes. Oh… well, _that’s_ reassuring! _removes head from noose, turns off gas oven, puts razor blade back into drawer_ 😛 ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856/80 "2008-10-23T19:44:21Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I don’t need an engineer to tell me that a monkey with a howitzer on its head is dangerously overloaded and seriously NOT aerodynamic. Which begs the question, “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen monkey?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-mccain-loses-whose-fault-is-it-the-witches/468856.md?page=5)