# If Milton's Paradise lost was to be made into a movie... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 6, 2005, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669 "2005-05-06T10:28:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![No\_Disguise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9f8e36/32.png) [@No\_Disguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Disguise)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/1 "2005-05-06T10:28:59Z")
Who could best play Satan? Who would you like to see direct it? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/2 "2005-05-06T12:41:45Z")
**Ian McShane** as Satan. No directors spring immediately to mind. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/3 "2005-05-06T14:35:26Z")
Paul W. S. Andersen, of course. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/4 "2005-05-06T15:39:39Z")
I would go with either Johnny Depp or Don Knotts. ---
**Author:** ![chefjef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@chefjef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chefjef)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/5 "2005-05-06T15:40:33Z")
John Malcovich as Satan. Still thinking on the director q… ---
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/6 "2005-05-06T15:52:19Z")
Interesting problem. The Genesis (heh) of the poem itself was an attempt by Milton to write a passion-type play on the temptation in the garden. He abandoned that early on, possibly because of the inherent staging difficulties–nekkid actor (and actress!) on stage. The entire poem includes the garden scenes and the highly dramatic scenes in hell (probably what the OP is thinking of when he suggests a movie), but also lots of digressions on the nature of the universe, a retelling of the creation of the world and a really fairly complete reprise of Genesis, you know, the Cain and Abel story, the Flood story, which then continues to the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus. It also covers the battle that got Satan tossed from heaven. You can’t film all that, and I think in particular you can’t film God and the battle in heaven–as described in the poem, they threw hills at each other, and a serious attempt to portray Milton’s God will just not work. Milton himself wasn’t able to do it completely successfully. Byron notoriously thought that Satan was the hero of the poem–if you only film Satan in hell (and maybe escaping from hell), he must indeed be the hero–even if an unbalanced overbearing egotist of a hero with delusions of grandeur. We could probably do some decent special effects–demons transforming into snakes–but how would you suggest we frame the plot and theme of a necessarily truncated version? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/7 "2005-05-06T16:07:19Z")
Schyuh. Peter Jackson. He could film everything over the course of ten years, turn it into a dozen films in post-production. Jim carrey as Satan. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/8 "2005-05-06T17:28:13Z")
Marlon Brando!\* 🙂 “Ah coulda been anything, ah coulda been Lord of da Universe, instead of a lousy fallen angel, which is what I am, let’s face it, Moloch!” - Yeah, he’s dead, so what? This is a Hell-Heaven production anyway! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/9 "2005-05-06T18:15:03Z")
> [@Humble Servant](#): > > Byron notoriously thought that Satan was the hero of the poem– Pardon the hijack, but just had to add: the _hottest_ depiction of Satan I’ve ever seen was a photo of Alexis Denisov from _Angel_ in a production of Byron’s _Cain_. He wore a serpentine loincloth, animatronic wings and an evil expression- ah, just fabulous… ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/10 "2005-05-06T18:24:23Z")
Tim Curry would be my choice as Satan. He’s already done the devilish thing, in _Legend_, and he was terrific. How about another Tim, Tim Burton, as director? Gee, if I can only work Tim Allen, Tim Daly, and Tim Thomerson in here somehow… ---
**Author:** ![chefjef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@chefjef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chefjef)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/11 "2005-05-06T19:38:04Z")
That’s perfect - bingo - Tim Burton. Tim Burton with John Malkovich. Paradise Lost - man - I remember reading that in high school and struggling with it, but looking back, glad I did it. ---
**Author:** ![No\_Disguise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9f8e36/32.png) [@No\_Disguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_Disguise)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/12 "2005-05-06T20:53:27Z")
> [@Humble Servant](#): > > … > The entire poem includes the garden scenes and the highly dramatic scenes in hell (probably what the OP is thinking of when he suggests a movie)… > > \ > > You can’t film all that, and I think in particular you can’t film God and the battle in heaven–as described in the poem, they threw hills at each other, and a serious attempt to portray Milton’s God will just not work. Milton himself wasn’t able to do it completely successfully. You’re right. Yeah, I was thinking mostly the first few books – they’re so delightfully visual. > [@Humble Servant](#): > > Byron notoriously thought that Satan was the hero of the poem–if you only film Satan in hell (and maybe escaping from hell), he must indeed be the hero–even if an unbalanced overbearing egotist of a hero with delusions of grandeur. We could probably do some decent special effects–demons transforming into snakes–but how would you suggest we frame the plot and theme of a necessarily truncated version? Yes, I’d definitely like to make Satan the hero. From all the above suggestions for an actor to play him, I’d say Alex Desinof looks most right for the part. Satan has gotta be handsome, preferably tall and ripped, and have an extremely commanding presence. I’m thinking Jude Law might be good, besides the obvious choice, Bradd Pitt. They’d both be perfect if they bulked up. I’m not sure how I’d frame the plot, though. That’s why we need a good director. ---
**Author:** ![chefjef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@chefjef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chefjef)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/13 "2005-05-06T21:06:11Z")
Brad Pitt - interesting. I don’t know. Gotta chew on that. ---
**Author:** ![Glassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Glassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glassy)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/14 "2005-05-06T22:09:39Z")
Rupert Everett as Satan. ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/15 "2005-05-06T23:21:12Z")
> [@No Disguise](#): > > Who could best play Satan? > > Bugs Bunny > > Who would you like to see direct it? A resurrected Fellini. ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/16 "2005-05-06T23:23:27Z")
> [@No Disguise](#): > > Who could best play Satan? > > Who would you like to see direct it? As satan, Bugs Bunny Director: A resurrected Fellini. ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/17 "2005-05-06T23:37:11Z")
An English survey professor once gave me the best possible advice for reading _Paradise Lost_: “It’s easier to get through if you just remember that all the characters are naked for most of the book.” On the note, we need a good-looking cast – which will also help us forget how the movie version mangles the book. Let’s go for [Christian Bale](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000288/). He’s already played a kind of Satan in _American Psycho_. A little bit muscular for my tastes, but that’s in and he also generally good-looking as well – and he’s a good actor to boot. And his name has fantastic punning possibilities (“Christian Bale/Christian Baal”). And he’ll be big right now because he’s in _Batman Begins_. As far as I can tell, he’s perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/18 "2005-05-06T23:41:55Z")
_Muppet Paradise Lost_, anyone? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/19 "2005-05-07T00:26:32Z")
Demi Moore as Satan. what? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669/20 "2005-05-07T01:19:38Z")
Ricardo Montalban as Satan. The folks at \*Star Trek \* knew what they were doing. James Cameron to direct. I felt like I was going through Hell when I saw _Titanic_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-miltons-paradise-lost-was-to-be-made-into-a-movie/302669.md?page=2)