# If only there had been a comma... (Man killed by alligator) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406 "2015-07-06T18:05:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Angry\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Angry\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Angry_Badger)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/41 "2015-07-07T13:40:10Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You have to admit, as Last Words go, “Fuck that alligator!” are kind of…stupid. Really, really stupid. Stupid, yes. But in a sort of awesome kind of way. I can think of worse: “Hey, watch this!”, “I wonder what happens if I-”, “Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.” to give just three examples. Or even worse: “Oops!” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/42 "2015-07-07T16:17:17Z")
Panda - eats shoots and leaves. Alligator - eats morons. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/43 "2015-07-07T17:06:02Z")
> [@The\_Angry\_Badger](#): > > Stupid, yes. But in a sort of awesome kind of way. > > I can think of worse: “Hey, watch this!”, “I wonder what happens if I-”, “Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.” to give just three examples. Or even worse: "Oops! “Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.” Last words like that are all you need to know to write the obituary. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/44 "2015-07-07T17:22:51Z")
Obviously the sign will now need to be amended… butt how? NO SWIMMING MAN EATING ALLIGATORS? NO SWIMMING, MAN-EATING ALLIGATORS? NO, SWIMMING MAN EATING ALLIGATORS? ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/45 "2015-07-07T18:34:24Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Obviously the sign will now need to be amended… butt how? You’re not getting into the mentality of the victim. It needs to be something like: PLEASE FEED THE ALIGATORS. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/46 "2015-07-07T18:36:47Z")
Someone killed the alligator that killed the idiot. It’s a shame, not only did he Darwin himself, but he got an alligator killed for being an alligator. > **[Killer Alligator Killed In Eastern Texas](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/killer-alligator-killed_n_7743910)** > > Killer Alligator Killed In Eastern Texas ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/47 "2015-07-07T18:37:40Z")
To be fair, the signs look like so: NO SWIMMING ALLIGATORS That poor marina worker. So what is one supposed to do when one sees someone being consumed by an alligator? There but for the grace of brains go I? ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/48 "2015-07-07T18:53:16Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > Panda - eats shoots and leaves. > > Alligator - eats morons. I first read that as “Panda eats, shoots, and leaves” and was wondering just what the preferred kind of firearm is for a Ailuropoda melanoleuca and was it a “hit” or just frustration over the rotten service. Wow! The OP may have been on to something! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/49 "2015-07-07T18:58:58Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > I first read that as “Panda eats, shoots, and leaves” and was wondering just what the preferred kind of firearm is for a Ailuropoda melanoleuca and was it a “hit” or just frustration over the rotten service. Wow! The OP may have been on to something! 😃 [Exactly](http://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation/dp/1592402038/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436295463&sr=8-1&keywords=eats+shoots+and+leaves). ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/50 "2015-07-07T18:59:29Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > That poor marina worker. It was very easy to read this as… _That poor marinara worker._ ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/51 "2015-07-07T19:06:30Z")
New sign: HUMAN RECYCLING HERE! ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/52 "2015-07-07T19:16:45Z")
So it looks like the alligator ate only one forearm. Stupid must taste bad. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/53 "2015-07-07T19:17:06Z")
Hold my beer and watch this! ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/54 "2015-07-07T21:13:21Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > Someone killed the alligator that killed the idiot. It’s a shame, not only did he Darwin himself, but he got an alligator killed for being an alligator. > > [Killer Alligator Killed In Eastern Texas | HuffPost Latest News](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/07/killer-alligator-killed_n_7743910.html) That sucks. They could have started calling him “Chomper”. ---
**Author:** ![Stately\_Greek\_Automaton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Stately\_Greek\_Automaton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stately_Greek_Automaton)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/55 "2015-07-07T22:06:40Z")
> [@The\_Angry\_Badger](#): > > Stupid, yes. But in a sort of awesome kind of way. > > I can think of worse: “Hey, watch this!”, “I wonder what happens if I-”, “Don’t worry, I’ve done this before.” to give just three examples. Or even worse: “Oops!” Don’t forget the perennial classic, “Here, hold my beer.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/56 "2015-07-07T22:55:45Z")
There needs to be a sign with a silhouette of a person jumping into the open mouth of an alligator, plus the words, “Volunteer alligator feeding here”. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/57 "2015-07-08T18:11:42Z")
The problems with a “No Swimming, Alligators” sign are: 1. How do you expect the alligators to read it? 2. Do you have paths for the alligators to walk around on so they can avoid swimming? Have fun, guys. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/58 "2015-07-08T18:16:59Z")
For those who don’t follow stories, the gator was killed. Police are sure it was a revenge killing, since the dead gator was left on the boat ramp. And the good old boys who killed it said it was for revenge. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/59 "2015-07-08T18:27:54Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > The problems with a “No Swimming, Alligators” sign are: > > 1. How do you expect the alligators to read it? > > 2. Do you have paths for the alligators to walk around on so they can avoid swimming? > > Have fun, guys. Surely this is a comment on the sad state of American education when our alligator citizens cannot read a three word phrase. I insist on immediate remedial reading courses for all alligators, accompanied by vision screenings and gubmint paid for reading glasses for those alligators unable to afford them. And lets not forget the necessary studies on the prevalence of learning disabilities in the alligator population. Perhaps there is something in the water, or their diet of ignorant American fools, that leads to such disabilities. Don’t let our alligators be outpaced in learning by the alligators in other countries. Educate our alligators! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406/60 "2015-07-08T18:30:32Z")
I believe the term is Alligator-Americans. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-only-there-had-been-a-comma-man-killed-by-alligator/724406.md?page=4)