# If Someone With Medical Issues Says "Don't Cook for Me" Don't Cook For Them! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 6, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141 "2019-04-06T19:42:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/61 "2019-04-08T15:50:22Z")
Do eggs with greenish yolks count? I’m OK with that… I mean, I _prefer_ perfectly sunny-yellow oaks but the greenish thing is OK. And ham is OK. But I ain’t never trying no _green ham_… ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/62 "2019-04-08T17:02:11Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > She’s admitted, on this board, that she exaggerates for the purpose of telling stories. :rolleyes: > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You are really a jerk. Agreed. In fact, the majority of us seem to agree that D’Anconia is a jerk who seeks no other purpose here than to be—exactly—a jerk. If only we had a rule about being a jerk… ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/63 "2019-04-08T17:12:05Z")
It’s like a weird power and control issue for some people–I’m lucky in that the people I choose to spend time with are sensitive to others and don’t make a big friggin’ deal out of dietary restrictions regardless of the origin. Although we do get really judgy on our one friend who had her pancreas removed, doesn’t test her blood sugars often enough and is therefore all over the scale and who goes out to breakfast and wants nothing but carbs–with syrup. Her we rag on because she gone kill herself with her fork if she doesn’t pay attention and wise up. But yeah, people who just can’t take no for an answer are super irritating. I’m on restricted carbs and if someone tries to push cake or the like on me I just say “Sorry, that’s not in my food plan” and refuse to engage further on the subject. It doesn’t really matter if someone doesn’t eat something because it makes them feel queasy, or they just don’t like it or they go into anaphylactic shock–well, it DOES but only in severity. My BFF won’t touch any sort of fish or shellfish and she’s very non-adventurous about even slightly unusual meats so lamb is off the table. Just means I don’t invite her over when I’m grilling salmon or have a leg of lamb in the oven. I did have to have a word with her about doing the “Eww YUCK!” thing when I eat things she doesn’t like–she wasn’t aware how often she was doing it and when called on it she stopped doing it because it really is rude to be audibly critical of another person’s food preferences. If I’m cooking for a group I ask if there are any allergies/aversions I should know about and especially if any of the reactions are severe enough to warrant keeping an Epi-Pen around. I’ve cooked banquets for hundreds of people and haven’t killed anyone yet and I don’t aim to start now. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/64 "2019-04-08T17:52:28Z")
I’m reminded of a quote I read in Lora Brody’s Entertainment Survival Guide: For any number of reasons, a guest might refuse your offer of an alcoholic drink. The reason doesn’t have to be explained to anyone, including you. I’m a non-drinking vegetarian. I just say “No.” If anyone asks me why, I say “No, and I don’t have to explain myself to you.” ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/65 "2019-04-08T17:53:04Z")
Getting back to the OP: There are people who do things for others not because they want to help, but because they want to feel good about themselves. **Broomstick** ’s neighbor sounds like one of these. It explains the angry reaction when the offer of food is refused— **Broomstick** is harming the neighbor’s self-image. This thread reminds me of [this one by **Ambivalid**](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=830060), in that it’s about someone who insists on “helping” someone who explicitly says “No.” That thread involved a lot of argument about whether Ambivalid was rude, but the principle is the same: don’t assume you know what others want better than they do, and don’t insist on “helping” when the help isn’t wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/66 "2019-04-08T18:02:28Z")
> [@Charlie\_Tan](#): > > Not to defend **D’Asshole** , nor to berate **Broomie,** but… > > “It must be organic!” > “No gluten!!!” > “Lactose free!” > “I won’t eat processed food” > ASF. > > I tend to see that as the beginning of a slippery slope that leads to anti-vaxxers and measles outbreaks. I have friends who have some serious allergies and am myself ridden by a severe, it not life threatening, auto-immune disorder. > But often I hear people in the break room who’ve tried every diet fad on earth and are picky eaters complain about how they are allergic to gluten or whatever. That way, those with real problems are being taken less seriously. > > If you’re a picky eater or don’t like a particular flavor, say so and own it. > Now - the next asshole that says: “But try cilantro again, you’ll grow to like it,” will get lutefisk stuffed in their mouth. If the problem is that fakers might make people take people with real issues less seriously, then the solution can’t be accuse everyone who claims issues of being a faker. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2019, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/67 "2019-04-08T19:06:51Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Another incident when someone thought wiping ketchup off a hamburger made it safe Ugh. Hate that one. I won’t name the place, as they’ve since apologized and given me free food, but a restaurant around here tried that shit on me. I am, however, grateful for the gluten-free fad, as people who consume it voluntarily mean more for the rest of us. Just not when they say they have to be gluten free and then just pick stuff out of their food, or say “it’s okay this once.” ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/68 "2019-04-09T15:22:47Z")
Seconding what **Jeff Lichtman** said some do-gooders more interested in feeling good about themselves than in helping the person they are ‘doing good’ for. > [@Henry David Thoreau](#): > > If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life. Maybe **Broomstick** can print that out on some fancy vellum and nail it to her door (ala Martin Luther). ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/69 "2019-04-11T13:03:04Z")
First off, I think D’anconia is a jerk who doesn’t know when to quit… can I join the club? But Charlie Tan has a point. My cousin’s son has Celiac Disease. Not a fad diet, not an aversion, not something trendy. He has real medical issues with gluten. He spent a lot of his childhood going back and forth to Toronto’s Sick Kid’s hospital (no joke when it is an airline flight away, and money is tight…yes she gets reimbursed but getting there in the first place?) With all these Wheat Belly books and diets and low carb things, it makes it harder for her son to be taken seriously. I wish I could make people understand the difference between “I prefer not to eat something, and it will tear holes in my gut and make me violently ill and I will probably end up with a colostomy bag before i"m 30.” But only the truly crass calls someone out on it a) publicly, b) when they have already said “Anaphylaxis” c) double down and make the attack personal when they are called out on it. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/70 "2019-04-11T15:10:30Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’m reminded of a quote I read in Lora Brody’s Entertainment Survival Guide: For any number of reasons, a guest might refuse your offer of an alcoholic drink. The reason doesn’t have to be explained to anyone, including you. > > I’m a non-drinking vegetarian. I just say “No.” If anyone asks me why, I say “No, and I don’t have to explain myself to you.” I was happily surprised when I went out with coworkers yesterday. One recommended a local alcoholic delicacy, I said I don’t drink alcohol and the response was “oh, ok” and a recommendation for a local non-alcoholic delicacy. What sucks is that such behavior is what should be normal, but I’m so used to getting “what? why?” and “but you have to!” that I was, as I said, happily surprised. ETA: are there any non-alcoholic cocktails which don’t raise your blood sugar just from smelling the glass? I guess I should ask in CS… ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/71 "2019-04-11T15:22:23Z")
In [this episode](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daaZmtU9od8) of The Whisk(e)y Tribe, the two hosts review a non-alcoholic whiskey. They were… not enthusiastic. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/72 "2019-04-11T16:37:35Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Have you been medically diagnosed with these allergies? I hate when people don’t believe you and have to question what you put into your own body. I had this same question from a co-worker when she noticed I didn’t participate in food she brought in for someone’s birthday. I usually just say I’m allergic to dairy to end the conversation, but some people refuse to believe it, so they go into the whole “are you diagnosed” line of interrogation and I have to sit there and explain to a nosey person that I am lactose intolerant, and the diagnosis from my doctor came in the form of her telling me to avoid dairy for 2 weeks and if the symptoms went away then that was the problem. Please just accept the fact that I am not going to try your family dessert recipe and it is not an insult to you. And asking follow up questions like “what happens when you eat dairy” is not something you want to hear the answer to while you are eating. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/73 "2019-04-11T17:21:32Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > And asking follow up questions like “what happens when you eat dairy” **is not something you want to hear** the answer to while you are eating. Yes it is. They’re _asking_ for it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/74 "2019-04-11T17:43:35Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > While in real life I often bite my tongue/grit my teeth over this, I have got to let it out. > > Awhile back I did my new downstairs neighbor a favor. I told her there was no need to repay me. She insists. She insists by trying to cook for me even though I have explained I have very, very serious food allergies and really, please, DO NOT do this. … Honestly I don’t get the extreme upset. Yes, it would be nice if there weren’t well intended idiots in the world but hey they’re better than ill-intended idiots! She thinks you are just being gracious and would actually really appreciate her amazing cooking. She feels a need to say thanks in the way she knows how to the best. Smile, say “you really shouldn’t have but thank you so much for the thought.” and then out of sight either toss it or regift it to someone without your food reactions. Accepting well intended but very unwanted gifts given by someone who has a need to express thanks is a gift you give, not one you are getting. Just be nice and give that gift. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/75 "2019-04-11T17:45:57Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Yes it is. They’re _asking_ for it. > > 😃 I have an intolerance for onions. I don’t know if I have an allergy, I’ve never been to a doctor about it, all I know is that if I eat them (raw or cooked) I regret it the next day. (Which sucks because I love fried onions and will eat them anyway every now and then, and I do pay for it.) If someone pesters me about it and asks for details I warn them that it’s not pleasant, but if they insist I happily describe the pain and stench in detail so that maybe next time they freaking mind their own damn business. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/76 "2019-04-11T19:47:49Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > And asking follow up questions like “what happens when you eat dairy” is not something you want to hear the answer to while you are eating. Oh, yeah - like the time I explained in detail what happened during the I Didn’t Use Tomato I Used Ketchup Instead debacle and got flamed for ruining the host’s bathroom by someone who didn’t know, and did not believe when informed of the fact, that when you are in genuine _shock_ there is a tendency to loose sphincter control. Along with projectile vomiting (or was that just before?). And so forth. It’s quite dramatic and absolutely scared the crap out of witnesses. I wasn’t fully cognizant of what was going on at the time but someone later told me it was like a scene from _The Exorcist_. No doubt if it happened today someone would claim it was like one of the bathroom scenes from _The Santa Clarita Diet_. But hey, my fault for having a medical condition, right? :rolleyes: Maybe I can go to D’Asshole’s house, swig some V8, and start spraying from all orifices, wonder if that would be sufficient proof or would he still question my assertion that Tomatoes Are A Problem For Me? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/77 "2019-04-11T19:55:01Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Smile, say “you really shouldn’t have but thank you so much for the thought.” and then out of sight either toss it or regift it to someone without your food reactions. Why do you assume I am NOT doing that? Seriously, where did you get that notion? Because I’m pretty sure I mentioned in post #6 that I used to pass these things on to my spouse, and I’m sure as hell not going to eat something that might kill me so yeah, in the trash it goes. The extreme upset is the PUSHINESS. It’s not enough to just accept it, she wants to see me eat it in front of her. AND there’s that bit (in post 6, again) about banging on my door to wake me up after I’m already in bed - and YES, she knows I go to work before dawn she has commented on it numerous times. Every damn person on my side of the building knows that half the week I’m leaving for work at 4:30 am because they have mentioned it to me. Which I don’t freakin’ care about, we all have a pretty good notion of who works when around here but if you know someone is leaving for work that early, and it’s after dark, and their apartment is dark WHY ARE YOU BANGING ON THEIR DOOR? Something had better be on fucking _fire_ or somebody’s broken a leg or the police want us to evacuate or something. Also, while I’m quite polite and courteous in real life sometimes something annoys the fuck out of me and that’s why I come here to vent, where I’m anonymous and won’t hurt anyone by doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/78 "2019-04-11T19:56:24Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > I have an intolerance for onions. I don’t know if I have an allergy, I’ve never been to a doctor about it, all I know is that if I eat them (raw or cooked) I regret it the next day. (Which sucks because I love fried onions and will eat them anyway every now and then, and I do pay for it.) > > If someone pesters me about it and asks for details I warn them that it’s not pleasant, but if they insist I happily describe the pain and stench in detail so that maybe next time they freaking mind their own damn business. Yeah, you know, it _doesn’t matter_ if it’s an actual allergy or an intolerance or smelly farts the next day or whatever - if something causes you a problem every time you eat it then it’s your right not to have to eat it. I don’t know why this is rocket science for so many people. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/79 "2019-04-11T20:06:10Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Honestly I don’t get the extreme upset. Yes, it would be nice if there weren’t well intended idiots in the world but hey they’re better than ill-intended idiots! > > She thinks you are just being gracious and would actually really appreciate her amazing cooking. She feels a need to say thanks in the way she knows how to the best. > > Smile, say “you really shouldn’t have but thank you so much for the thought.” and then out of sight either toss it or regift it to someone without your food reactions. > > Accepting well intended but very unwanted gifts given by someone who has a need to express thanks is a gift you give, not one you are getting. Just be nice and give that gift. Did you actually read what she wrote, or are you channeling Ned Flanders? Whoops, **Broomie** already spoke for herself . . . ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/80 "2019-04-11T20:10:38Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Accepting well intended but very unwanted gifts given by someone who has a need to express thanks is a gift you give, not one you are getting. Just be nice and give that gift. Actually I don’t think **Broomstick** is on the hook to do this emotional labour for her dough-head neighbour. There are people - usually family or good friends - that you will turn yourself into a pretzel trying to keep happy. Irritating downstairs neighbour does not have that status and I think it’s perfectly fine to say ‘No, thank you.’ and close the door. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141.md?page=5)