# If Someone With Medical Issues Says "Don't Cook for Me" Don't Cook For Them! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 6, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141 "2019-04-06T19:42:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/121 "2019-04-14T02:00:55Z")
I was trying to lighten things up with my previous post. But this whole situation is a real problem. Your neighbor has serious issues. Is there ANY chance of an intervention? Could it conclude with a written request that ends with “Do Not Feed. EVER.”? Does she have a spouse or kids that you could include (or enlist help from… behind her back if necessary)? I’ve heard stories from friends who get food pushed on them… often involves a relative trying to prove that there’s love or a relationship between them. One story was from a college “study abroad” student. She was hosted by a family in Eastern Europe, and they spent a whole semester refusing to believe she was vegetarian and kept piling her plate with meat. But your neighbor’s tenacity paired with obliviousness is hard to believe. I hope she can realize what she’s doing. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/122 "2019-04-14T06:01:13Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I am, however, grateful for the gluten-free fad, as people who consume it voluntarily mean more for the rest of us. Just not when they say they have to be gluten free and then just pick stuff out of their food, or say “it’s okay this once.” I’m also grateful for that fad as it’s led to the development of a wide range of prepared foods catering to that market,which is helpful for me. No, I’m not allergic to gluten, or afflicted with celiac disease, but the stuff does give me headaches, stuffed-up sinuses, and overall coming-down-with-a-cold queasiness. Why? Intolerance? Sensitivity? Evil wizard baker’s curse? Damned if I know, but having figured out what was making me feel crappy and discovered how much better I feel without ingesting that stuff has been a blessing, and being able to find GF crackers, breads, etc. at the supermarket, or just say “Gluten-free, please” in restaurants, for example, and have it accepted as a matter of course without having to explain makes life so much easier. Forcing food on someone who’s told you they can’t eat it is stupid, rude, even sadistic. As for slipping in the forbidden item to “prove” it’s not a real problem but just fakery, well, that’s downright criminal. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/123 "2019-04-14T06:32:26Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I cheated the other day. Y’see, my sensitivity to Red 40 just means i get itchy and sneezy, sso when they gave me dark cherry Jello I ate it and relished it and ignored the itchiness in my throat. Yup, those of us with sensitivities rather than actual life-threatening allergies can occasionally cheat if we’re prepared to accept the (nonlethal but still real) physical consequences. So on rare occasions I will have, say, a cup of lobster bisque, or a beer (but wouldn’t risk a croissant, much as I miss them), normally in the privacy of my home, alone, knowing full well I will pay for it in a few-hour bout of feeling crappy but not become seriously ill. Which is why, if questioned on why I’m GF, I’m careful to point out that I am NOT claiming an allergy or celiac disease; that no, I dunno why food X bothers me but it does so life is just better to avoid it. Fortunately the people in my life are all cool with respecting that level of explanation without demanding (a) any further explanation, or (b) that “Oh, go ahead, try it; you’ll be fine, you’ll love it!” They’re also the kind of people who wouldn’t dream of pushing food on someone who simply doesn’t like it, no health issues involved. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/124 "2019-04-14T08:25:55Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Did you suggest that donation alternative to her when she told you she was going to make you food? That was not mentioned in the op. Well, how long of a post do you want me to generate? Yes, I suggested it. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > What the hell? This neighbor tries to give you unwanted food multiple times a day, for weeks? What’s wrong with her? > > I don’t mean that rhetorically. She has some problem. Is she incredibly lonely? Does she have no memory? Is her only sense of self worth from feeding people? She is a widow, her kids live several states away, and about four months ago the house she was living in burned to the ground and she lost nearly everything. Which is how she wound up where she currently is. Even though she was physically unhurt I suspect that mentally she is not doing as well as she tries to make people think she is, which would account for some of the behavior as well as some of her bouts of drinking. Haven’t seen much of her lately - she does have a long-term boyfriend so maybe they’re spending a lot of time together. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/125 "2019-04-14T11:08:13Z")
You know, **DSeid,** I finally figured out why your posts have been feeling off-rhythm to me here. It’s like you’re trying to analyse this situation as a problem that needs a solution, and trying to find a solution for me. I didn’t come here for a “solution” or an “answer”. I came here to blow off steam. I can’t fix what’s wrong with my neighbor and attempting to do so will only likely aggravate her or me or both. Not all problems have solutions, and not everyone talking about a problem wants you to fix their life. Bitching here often keeps me from bitching at people in real life, where the bitching is more likely to be harmful than helpful. In other words, I don’t need a fix, I just need someone to listen. That’s all. No work required on my behalf. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/126 "2019-04-14T17:26:22Z")
Honestly my initial comment was not problem solving, for her or you. No work offered. As presented in the op the woman seemed to be of good intent albeit dense and stupid, intended no harm and caused you none either. (Okay subsequent posts inform of the harm of waking you up, but that is really a separate issue from the food item per se.) It just seems pretty molehillish. I don’t play in The Pit much but when I do, if a cause for a Pitting seems a bit weaksauce I’ll say so, even if, really _especially if_, it is outside the groupthink (“me too” and “I agree” posts are more often not worth making), and get not at all bothered by suggestions regarding my sex life, untrue claims of being owned by a horse, or other very uncreative and boring insults. Really what happened to posters here at least putting some creative juices into their insults?! My dog has created piles of turds with more creativity and that don’t stink so bad. And the other posters’ over the top portrayals of this woman’s stupid but (other than interfering with your needed early bedtime) ultimately harmless and well-intended behaviors as a “trespass”, “assault”, even as “attempted murder”? Wow. That’s some seriously disturbed thinking. Posters vent here expecting affirmation. You got it mostly. Some here sound like they think the woman should be horribly punished for her horrific crimes against you. Not all Pit threads go that way. One voice off of the affirmation rhythm just honestly sharing that he doesn’t get the big deal? Better than many Pit threads go. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/127 "2019-04-14T18:06:47Z")
DSeid, you’ve time and again made it sound as if you believe it is Broomstick’s DUTY to make her neighbor feel better. From the bottom of a heart which spent 33 years turning itself into pretzels for someone who didn’t deserve it: KISS MY ASS Broomstick is not responsible for her neighbor’s happiness. But you’re definitely responsible for being a jackass. Get off your high horse and eat it. Raw. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/128 "2019-04-14T18:47:03Z")
Nope. Do not believe she has any obligation to make her neighbor feel anything or to help or to challenge that neighbor in any way. And don’t especially care that she is so annoyed. That’s her problem to solve or not. Your past pretzel turning may be something you should get some therapy for if you have not already. Not into analingus in any case and highly doubt that yours would appeal what with you being so full of shit. I will have to decline your offer. Unless you mean a different sort of ass? In which I am still not interested but that high horse of mine, she might be at least interested in just coffee to start. Who knows where it might lead. Could be a mule in the future! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/129 "2019-04-14T19:25:23Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Addressing the points of this post in somewhat random order … > > Point the last, my being a minority view being expressed should cause me to “fine a clue” … not sure what the fine should be and how the clue should pay it, but in any case. Nah. Groupthink has little sway over me. Rational discussion does. > > From the opOddly from that I conclude that the neighbor’s intent is to express gratitude. (And from the rest of the post that refusal to allow her to express thanks insulted her.) > > Describing trying to insist on a gift (a very unwanted one) being accepted as “attempted murder”, “assault”, “harassment”, or “trespass”, is not supported by the facts as presented in the op. It is far over the top. There has been an unwanted knocking on the door at a time when the neighbor must surely know our op is asleep, and a stupid person not listening to someone who meant it when she said that she could not and would not accept an intended gift, and even more stupidly getting insulted and upset when it was made clear that “please do not give that; I won’t take it” was not just being polite but very seriously meant. > > The harm by taking the plate of food (which per the initial op may or may not have contained any allergens but which definitely should be declined when serious allergies exist) and tossing it so far has been described by one as the horror of being complicit in wasting a plate of food, the possibility of smelling food that offends in the garbage can, and the proposed prospect that the neighbor would see her going out with a bag of garbage and be able to X-ray vision that the bag contains the gift and then would attack her. I am a minority view in seeing that imagined scenario as over the top and as seeing those “harms” as trivial. Okay, I can live with that. > > Your understanding of the physiology and “educating” me on such matters is cute. But very wrong. > > Being acutely angry does overlap with the “fight or flight” response and a quick (and brief) surge of epinephrine. That is a surge that for most people lasts a minute or two, and can only be maintained by feeding new triggers, by actively stoking the emotional state. A normal person gets angry at the jerk who cut them off in traffic … for minute or so … and then it passes. Staying angry about it, stewing over it for many minutes or hours, thinking about it and getting angry days later, is pathological. > > Anger sustained is a powerful sword that is costly to an individual to use. It raises stress hormones and as a general rule impedes rational analysis, but it also can motivate action that addresses serious root causes that otherwise would not be addressed. > > Some people have baseline angry _moods_ which lead them to experience the world as a place that offends them. Chronic anger is a major health risk. > > Again, anger as brief flares is normal for us all. Sustained anger used to motivate actions for change can be powerful but using it comes at significant cost. Choosing to experience anger for more than that is an active conscious choice. > Last comment. I take the op’s description of her food reactions as truth. I also make a comment that is applicable broadly, not to her. There are lots of people who believe they are zebras and unless proven otherwise their belief must be respected. The potential cost of incorrect disbelief is very high. Nevertheless the statistical reality is that _majority_ of them are deluded horses. I would never not respect a reported allergy, food or otherwise, but [this study](https://www.nature.com/articles/1601306) still informs. > > Take care all. > [@DSeid](#): > > With cantaloupe it’s most often ragweed and grass that overlap. > > Birch pollen allergy overlaps with oral reactions too but other foods. > [@Broomstick](#): > > Well, how long of a post do you want me to generate? > > Yes, I suggested it. > She is a widow, her kids live several states away, and about four months ago the house she was living in burned to the ground and she lost nearly everything. Which is how she wound up where she currently is. Even though she was physically unhurt I suspect that mentally she is not doing as well as she tries to make people think she is, which would account for some of the behavior as well as some of her bouts of drinking. > > Haven’t seen much of her lately - she does have a long-term boyfriend so maybe they’re spending a lot of time together. > [@DSeid](#): > > Honestly my initial comment was not problem solving, for her or you. No work offered. As presented in the op the woman seemed to be of good intent albeit dense and stupid, intended no harm and caused you none either. (Okay subsequent posts inform of the harm of waking you up, but that is really a separate issue from the food item per se.) It just seems pretty molehillish. > > I don’t play in The Pit much but when I do, if a cause for a Pitting seems a bit weaksauce I’ll say so, even if, really _especially if_, it is outside the groupthink (“me too” and “I agree” posts are more often not worth making), and get not at all bothered by suggestions regarding my sex life, untrue claims of being owned by a horse, or other very uncreative and boring insults. Really what happened to posters here at least putting some creative juices into their insults?! My dog has created piles of turds with more creativity and that don’t stink so bad. > > And the other posters’ over the top portrayals of this woman’s stupid but (other than interfering with your needed early bedtime) ultimately harmless and well-intended behaviors as a “trespass”, “assault”, even as “attempted murder”? Wow. That’s some seriously disturbed thinking. > > Posters vent here expecting affirmation. You got it mostly. Some here sound like they think the woman should be horribly punished for her horrific crimes against you. Not all Pit threads go that way. > > One voice off of the affirmation rhythm just honestly sharing that he doesn’t get the big deal? Better than many Pit threads go. > [@DSeid](#): > > Nope. Do not believe she has any obligation to make her neighbor feel anything or to help or to challenge that neighbor in any way. And don’t especially care that she is so annoyed. That’s her problem to solve or not. > > Your past pretzel turning may be something you should get some therapy for if you have not already. > > Not into analingus in any case and highly doubt that yours would appeal what with you being so full of shit. I will have to decline your offer. > > Unless you mean a different sort of ass? In which I am still not interested but that high horse of mine, she might be at least interested in just coffee to start. Who knows where it might lead. Could be a mule in the future! Bored now. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2019, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/130 "2019-04-14T22:17:27Z")
Well it is not the most exciting discussion and I honestly have been mildly perplexed to amused by the very strong reactions to my posts and the number of people who think that grave crimes have been inflicted upon our op. But you included the bit about oral allergy syndrome and that, independent of this thread, is very interesting and something that people should know about. Allergy testing can come back negative for the foods that cause the reactions and awareness of the condition and of which foods more commonly cross react to which pollens is needed along with a good history. **doreen** ’s observations are right on the money too. It can be avoided if the foods are cooked or canned or sometimes even just peeled. But thanks for sharing! (No question that one has to be bored indeed that one spends their time cutting and pasting multiple posts to say how bored one is with no contribution or even zinger to make… maybe you should read a book or stream a show? Or start a more interesting thread!) ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2019, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/131 "2019-04-15T18:16:23Z")
I’m a bit lost now. Who is owned BY a horse? Can I sign up? I always wanted my own pony as a child; this seems close enough. Broomstick, is she knocking on your door? If so, don’t answer. Do not open. (Doesn’t help you being woken up, granted. That does indeed suck donkey balls.) I’d play YouTube of the most disturbing audio I could find, cranked up to 11 placed right at the door every time she knocked (nothing that sounds like she needs to send cops over on a wellness check!! Try the “game of thrones” theme by screaming goats, for starters) but yeah, I’m bitchy like that. Maybe you’re just a nicer person. Or maybe have goats scream the GoT theme at her whenever she knocks. Or just vent to us. SOME of us will listen, without offering useless suggestions. Me? Nah. I’ll suggest goats, because hopefully that made you smile. (Vent away. Your neighbor sounds like a PITA.) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/132 "2019-04-16T02:22:43Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > And the other posters’ over the top portrayals of this woman’s stupid but (other than interfering with your needed early bedtime) ultimately harmless and well-intended behaviors as a “trespass”, “assault”, even as “attempted murder”? Wow. That’s some seriously disturbed thinking. You say you want rational argument, but here you are engaging in _ad hominem_ and appeals to emotion. None of this is rational. You admit that the woman got insulted because **Broomstick** was not accepting of her gift. That means she is no longer thankful. Her insistence is now about correcting that wrong and forcing her to accept the gift. She does this by repeatedly coming over to Broomstick’s house when she is unwanted. That is by definition trespassing. If someone has told you that you are not welcome on your property and they come over anyways, they are trespassing. The [definition of harassment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harassment#United_States) is also relevant: Harassment, under the laws of the United States, is defined as any repeated or continuing un-consented contact that serves no useful purpose beyond creating alarm, annoyance, or emotional distress. The description clearly fits. She is repeatedly engaging in un-consented contact that serves no useful purpose other than annoyance. My claims are factually true. You can’t rebut them, so you attack my personal mental health. That is a morally repugnant action. Your claims about anger are just completely fictional. People do not choose how they feel. People have to learn to accept their feelings,and not try to control them. That’s basic mindfulness and third level cognitive behavioral therapy. You’re addressing people in this thread who have actually been in therapy and know what we’re talking about. As for anger: if you can simply choose not to feel it, and never continue it, then why have you expressed anger multiple times in this thread?For example, the ad hominem I already mentioned. Attacking someone by saying they have a mental issue is an act of anger. It sure seems to me that you don’t have this choice not to be angry. You suppress your anger, and it comes out even when you’re not trying for it to. You’re clearly trying to portray yourself as infinitely calm, per you statement that you don’t waste time being angry. I tried to give you some leeway, saying that sometimes it is best to just calm down. But you attacked me over that, too, calling my lecture “cute.” Your response to me was full of angry. But you say you can simply choose not to be angry. That just isn’t how it works. Emotions persist. And you can continue persisting in your ignorance, or become more introspective. Either way, if you engage in this behavior again of belittling the legitimate concerns of others with irrational bullshit, you will be called out again. Maybe you won’t listen to logic and reason, but you’ve admitted that you don’t bother when it takes too much energy. You aren’t being attacked for being different. You’re being attacked for your jerkish behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/133 "2019-04-16T04:21:12Z")
I just feel genuinely sorry for you people. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to have to question every meal everywhere. Ughh. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/134 "2019-04-16T07:50:26Z")
Your kindly neighbor sounds passive-aggressive to me. You TOLD her you were deathly allergic to many foods and asked directly but politely not to cook for you…and she does anyway. She knows you get up very early for work but continues to pound on your door in the evening. Translation: Don’t you tell ME what to do! Two thoughts: 1. Ask her to “pay it forward” by giving food to another neighbor. If she’s a bad cook…does D’Ancona live anywhere near you? 🙂 2. Tell her your doctor has put you on strong sleep medication, and you won’t hear her if she knocks after 7 PM. She may try a time or two, but surely she’ll stop then. If not, you could try pounding on her door on your way to work. “Just wanted to remind you I can’t eat most foods!” And WTF is it with her dropping in? Who does that today? The modern rule of etiquette is to call first. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/135 "2019-04-16T10:15:37Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I just feel genuinely sorry for you people. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to have to question every meal everywhere. Ughh. Well, in my own kitchen it’s a lot safer. Which is why I like to eat in my own home a lot of the time. The local Jewish community is talking about inviting me for Passover seder and I’m trying not to be anxious about it. On the other hand, the fact I have a restricted diet is well known there and if any random person is going to be good at avoiding cross-contamination “someone who keeps kosher” is probably high on the list. “I have to avoid tomatoes like you have to avoid pork - in any form or amount down to microscopic” “Oh, OK.” Anyhow, back when I used to fly homebuilt airplanes people would ask if it was dangerous. Well, sort of, but really, I would say, the most dangerous thing I do is eat in restaurants. Which in my case is the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/136 "2019-04-16T10:17:57Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Your kindly neighbor sounds passive-aggressive to me. You TOLD her you were deathly allergic to many foods and asked directly but politely not to cook for you…and she does anyway. She knows you get up very early for work but continues to pound on your door in the evening. Translation: Don’t you tell ME what to do! Yeah. My mother-in-law had tendencies like that. On the other hand, my mother-in-law lived several hundred miles away, not downstairs, so when we had enough of each other one of us went home. I did try the “pay it forward” thing, which I’m a big fan of. Didn’t seem to work. > [@](#): > > And WTF is it with her dropping in? Who does that today? The modern rule of etiquette is to call first. She’s in her late 80’s and still thinks it’s 1955? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/137 "2019-04-16T12:11:42Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > And WTF is it with her dropping in? Who does that today? The modern rule of etiquette is to call first. ISTM that modern day etiquette is to text first to find out if one is accepting phone calls, THEN calling. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/138 "2019-04-16T14:28:42Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > And you’re a feculent little nugget of billy goat smegma trying to pass yourself off as artisanal cheese. I’m trying to think if I’ve ever heard a more impressive insult, but even some of Monty Python’s better attempts fall short. > [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > But what if it’s green eggs and ham? > > You do not like them, so you say. Try them! Try them! And you may. Sam-I-Am is a genuinely appalling character. Seriously, WTF was Dr. Seuss thinking? The _real_ moral of this story is that it’s OK to refuse to take ‘No’ for an answer, no matter how frequently, and how politely but firmly, the ‘No’ is given. > [@Broomstick](#): > > Yeah, you know, it _doesn’t matter_ if it’s an actual allergy or an intolerance or smelly farts the next day or whatever - if something causes you a problem every time you eat it then it’s your right not to have to eat it. > > I don’t know why this is rocket science for so many people. Indeed. Meghan Trainor didn’t have food in mind, but nonetheless, [I’ll hand the mic to her](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMTAUr3Nm6I): _My name is no My sign is no My number is no You need to let it go You need to let it go Need to let it go_ Doesn’t matter whether it’s someone’s dick or someone’s food, you’ve got the right to decide what can and can’t go in your body. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/139 "2019-04-16T16:38:14Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > I’m trying to think if I’ve ever heard a more impressive insult, but even some of Monty Python’s better attempts fall short. Thanks, it’s original to me at least, and created in response to the visceral feelings engendered by that particular poster. Which makes it quite rare, in that most of my bon mots are stolen from someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141/140 "2019-04-17T01:02:48Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > This is a little off topic- but do you have pollen allergies? . . swelling/ numbness of his lips, tongue and throat from eating all different types of fruit when he was about 14. I had lots of pollen allergies at 14. In the intervening sixty years they mostly of faded out. I still get red eyes in the spring. Never had problems with fruit other than cantaloupe. I like more fruits than I dislike. The cantaloupe thing has remained more or less the same. Tris * * * Cherry pie. Always was my favorite replacement for birthday cake. I don’t much care for cake. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-someone-with-medical-issues-says-dont-cook-for-me-dont-cook-for-them/832141.md?page=8)